To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster

Your brother is FOURTEEN. He shouldn’t be involving himself in adult situations full stop.

As I said; I think it’s great that your dh finally stood up to her and he was RIGHT to stand up her.

But none of your behaviour was great and coming from a child especially? Yeah, I consider that to be quite chavvy and I wouldn’t want it in my home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Glad everything is getting sorted out OP. For what it’s worth I think you and your DP sound like lovely normal people and I hope you have a nice peaceful life from now on!

Blimey, there's some spiteful comments on this thread, even more than usual!

@ohfourfoxache

I did go and get some advice and he basically said that it would not benefit her to go for visitation through the courts as I could actually prove that her having unsupervised visits with my son could be detrimental to his mental health as he got older. I had messages off her family members saying how negative she talks about me around my DS and how she says she can't wait for him to see me for what I really am.

He also said that SS would probably treat her report as malicious and that if she did go ahead with that I could actually report her to the police for harassment

He did say about reporting her to the hospital for accessing my records and I know a lot of other people think I should have I just didn't think my relationship could take anymore strain. And I can understand people saying about leaving him, I can't say I didn't think about it. But take away the issues with his family and we are happy, I am deeply in love with him and he is a brilliant father. I'm just so happy he finally stood up to her. I'm hoping after a cooling down period maybe he can set some boundaries with her and the relationship can be more healthy, I have never wanted him to fall out with his mum and I have never wanted my DS to not see his grandmother I just want her to respect the fact that he is my son and not hers

@vanaPee personally I find your username quite chavvy and immature also I’m assuming you have no siblings as I know that whatever age my brother and I have been I have always defended him from anyone who was being mean to him.

Her brother is fourteen, and he stuck up for his sister. Just as I would stick up for my sister, my husband would stick up for his, and my daughter would stick up for hers, if we heard someone badmouthing them. And personally, I think someone behaving in such a manner that a fourteen year old calls them out on it, and tells them to act their age should be mortified. Not the fourteen year old. Unfortunately this woman is blitheringly oblivious to just how ridiculous and ill-mannered her behaviour is. She's the chavvy one.

youjustdoyou I'll make the popcorn for the film premiere!

Ivanapee Her brother defended his sister in her house from being called a COW and 14 isn't a child this isn't the era where children are seen and not heard.

@IvanaPee

I could see your point if she was acting like an adult, yes children shouldn't be involved in adult conversations but then adults shouldn't have the conversations in front of children

He is 14 and she is 60

He didn't raise his voice she did
He didn't swear she did
He didn't call anyone a bad name she did

He politely and calmly told her not to speak to his sister in a negative way. I'm very proud of my brother, he's a polite, well mannered, bright young man

@DartmoorDoughnut ok did you think I’d be upset that you find my username chavvy and immature?! Not sure what your point is. For all you know I’m as chavvy as they come. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do have siblings, yes. But we’ve never been involved in adult disputes. Is that really so hard to believe?

Of course MIL was chavvy. I say AGAIN (for those struggling to read my full posts) that dp was right and MIL was in the wrong.

But just because her behaviour was awful doesn’t mean everyone else’s was great.

The stories I could tell about my MIL - I don’t think anyone would believe they were actually true she’s so batshit.

But dh has always handled her with grace.

You can pull someone up on her behaviour without “going off like a bomb” and threatening him/her.

That’s all I’m saying. I wouldn’t have lowered myself.

'Found his balls', eh?

And he we all are, wondering where toxic masculinity comes from.

Here*

@MeetMeInMontauk

Probably a poor choice of words on my part should have put spine or back bone

@IvanaPee frankly I expected you to react as you have done with a snide comment and an aside about how you would’ve handled this situation in a different and obviously far superior manner.

If an adult called my brother a name I would tell them not to speak to him like that, I always have and always will defend him from those being cruel to him but then I love him dearly.

Agreed IvanaPee a teenager should not be getting involved in this, at all. Shows disrespect to an adult of MIL's age here.

@TheCatThatDanced

Can I ask how am I controlling?

Yes, he is 14, and calmly and assertively told a 60 year old that their behaviour towards their sibling in her own home was inappropriate. Good on him. As far as I know there is no age limit on when you are allowed to stand up for your sibling, nor is there an age limit at which you can expect not to be told that your behaviour is rude and inappropriate and to pull your bloody head in. Although that most probably came as quite a surprise to this woman. Good on him!

Shows disrespect to an adult of MIL's age here.

Yes, it does. Of course, MIL was being very disrespectful to the hostess of the house, the mother of her grandchild, and does not behave in a way that would engender any sort of respect. Her age is irrelevant. If you behave in a disrespectful, discourteous (Not to mention batshit crazy) manner, you shouldn't expect to be treated with respect. That's just silly.

@TheCatThatDanced

Also my brother could not have possibly gotten involved if MIL hasn't said stuff in front of him. He was sat helping some of the smaller children play pass the parcel.

I think everyone should be treated with respect wether they are 60 or 14

I do not give respect to people just because they are older than me. And this is not the age of children should be seen and not heard. The brother was right to defend his sister.

What a stupid woman for muttering and bitching about a teenager's sister in front of him, if she didn't expect him not to call her on it. Oh, but she's 60, so she should be immune from being pulled up on her ill manners, right? He should just sit there and listen to her say what she wants about his sister? Why? Because he's fourteen?

I’m not saying he should respect her because she’s older.

I’m saying that OP or her DP should have handled it and that a child shouldn’t have been involved.

“Don’t speak to my sister like that” is rude and interfering. MIL was obviously worse.

Why did it fall to a child to pull her up on it?

'Don't speak to my sister like that' is rude how? Because she shouldn't have been speaking to his sister like that. Interfering? He was there, he heard it, he took exception to it in his own right, as his sister's younger brother who doesn't want to continue to hear this woman badmouth his sister. Rather than passively waiting for someone else to do something about it (which going on past behaviour possibly wouldn't happen), he did something himself.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I don't think a fourteen year old should be expected to sit silently by and listen to someone badmouth a member of his family, just because the person who is being so rude and disrespectful has a few more decades under their belt. The sixty year old should know a lot better than the fourteen year old how to behave - given all those decades under their belt.

@IvanaPee

I can understand what you are saying to a certain degree, but I just think you can't start a negative conversation in front of people and then not expect people to feel like they can say something, you brought them into the conversation by starting it in front of them