To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster

Are batshit MILs only a thing when it's the mother of a man???

It seems to be largely women who have problems with MILs, moreso than men who do. I know a shit load of women who have had problems with domineering and narcissistic MILs, but rarely MEN who have had MILS like this...

Why is it generally just mothers of sons who are like this?

I am not saying ALL mothers of sons are; indeed my MIL is actually really nice, and seems to think the world of me (Heaven know why LOL!) but I know quite a lot of women who have domineering, clingy, and controlling MILs. Most men I know don't have MILs like this, and seem to get on with them well.

Well done anyway @FirstTimeMummyDS88 on your partner fighting back with his mother. But as a pp said, wait for the MIL to pull out the 'falling ill' card, and start the whining and moaning, and neediness. Your partner is being strong (against her) for now, but will it last??? You have my sympathy, truly you do..

@Needadvices

Absolutely nothing wrong with her holding him during blowing out the candles at all if she already had hold of him. DP has hold of him as I was bringing baby in and as I got close to them and DP was about to help baby blow out candles she tried to take him, that's when DP shrugged her off

And it wasn't just the trying to take the baby off your DH on it's own.... that isolated incident could have just been eye rolled away.... it's the comment about "her baby" and the loud entitlement!

OP there are two types of poster on this thread: those who have experience of a mother like this, and those who don't. Don't be swayed by the shock/lack of understanding from those who don't.

It's not always mothers of boys either. Our narcissistic fucknut is my mother.

Good for you OP.

It’s outrageous that she tried to make your sons birthday all about her. You’ll probably get more flying monkeys soon, to try and guilt trip your DP to fall back in line.

You really need to go as LC as possible, this women is toxic and has proved this throughout your pregnancy and the fact she calls your son her baby.

@Needadvices maybe he wanted that moment with HIS son! His son seeing His birthday cake and blowing out his candles. Would I fuck share that with anyone. Including my mother. She's had her time. She is now way down in the pecking order.

Well done OP. I can't believe the entitlement of your MIL.

Bingbong I think it's just that the men seldom post on MN about their batshit MILs. My poor old DH could have started many, many threads over the years about my mother (though she has massively improved in the last year or two, I think because we stood up for ourselves and I managed to emotionally detach). And his mother, my MIL, is an absolute doll and I adore her.

Look how many women post about their awful mothers (there was a whole gigantic thread about this a few months ago). Every one of those is some partner's nightmare MIL, if the woman posting has a partner.

@Greensleeves

I will have to now start using fucknut 😂😂🤣

I read your previous thread, but don't think I posted. I'm so glad to read your update! I still can't believe you haven't done anything about her accessing your medical records though. What does your DP say about it now that he's opened his eyes to her behaviour?

Christ AIBU is a horrible, shitty place sometimes full of legions of the hairy-handed.

OP's DH did absolutely the right thing. MIL needed to be called out otherwise it would all continue to the point where she would have (intentionally) broken up their family. Just in case any of you are in any doubt, this is the timeline:

1. MIL arrives late like disney villain and immediately grabs DS while he is in the middle of a game with DB and others
2. When OP asks her to give DS back to DB, MIL insults OP calling her a cow
3. DB quietly defends OP
4. MIL has tantrum and OP/DH usher her into kitchen and close door
5. MIL insults DB calling him a shit
6. OP/DH ask her to be respectful or they'll have to ask her to leave
7. They go back out to guests
8. When OP is bringing cake out, MIL tries to grab DS out of DH's arms
9. When DH holds firm, MIL shouts 'you're keeping me away from my baby'

10. DH tells her to shut up and he'll speak to her afterwards 11. All guests leave, including OP's DM with DS. PIL and OP/DH are only people left 12. DH finally calls his mother out on all her batshittery and says if she can't behave like decent human, she can't see them anymore.

How does that look like the OP or her DH were in any way behaving as badly as MIL??? Bore off with your 'chavvy', 'shameless' comments. They both handled and diffused a horrible situation brilliantly.

My gran told me years ago (she had three DS plus 3 DILs) that you have to get on with the DILs if you want a relationship with the DGCs. Advice I took to heart. Luckily my DIL is awesome, but I have been (nicely) pulled up a couple of times over comments (generational differences in child rearing) I have made by both DS and DIL and I apologised profusely and didn't do it again. OP - after your traumatic birth experience, the last thing you need/needed was all this hassle on top. I am glad your DP has stepped up and I hope you now get sone peace.

@MrsGideon

Thankyou for that fantastic timeline haha

I probably should have made it clearer that when I said my DP went off like a bomb there were no children or guests in the house it was just the 4 of us, PIL, myself and DP

I don't doubt you for one minute, but I'd love to hear her side. Is there a thread somewhere 'My evil DIL won't let me see my boys'

@chilling19

Thankyou

Yeah my mum says things sometimes "well when you and your brothers were little we did it this way" and I just calmly tell her "well this is how I do it and it works for us" and then it's fine and there's no issue

Progress. I'm sure you will all thrive with some new boundaries in place. You must be delighted.

Some nasty comments here that assume tricky characters/relationships can always be managed in a measured and adult way. Sadly it's not always the case. Some adults may as well be from a parallel universe.

'They' say all sorts but 'they' very often talk shit.

To all the people saying, 'Why can't you this' or 'Why can't she that'?

When all is reasonable, those things would be reasonable. Yep, in normal circumstances, it probably wouldn't matter if granny were the one holding the baby whilst he blew out candles.

But when someone is a toxic fucknut who could have literally lost her job for what she did, and the OP has clearly shown great forbearance in even having this woman in her house, NO IT IS NOT REASONABLE TO GRAB HER SON FROM HIS FATHER.

I'm afraid poster who don't recognise this lack both emotional intelligence and basic reading comprehension skills.

A lot of people being very harsh to you OP but I wonder if they found themselves in the position you have been in so consistently, would they manage not to lose their cool?

Ignore the negative comments @FirstTimeMummyDS88 and you don’t need to justify yourself. I remember reading your last post and thinking ‘well my MiL can be a bit full on at times but she’s nowhere near this level of bat-shit’ (sorry!) I’m so glad your DH stood up to her, finally!!

I don’t think any of you sound ‘chavvy’, just a family that’s been stuck under your MiL’s cloud of tyranny for far too long.

My DH has had to do the same with his mum after months of bad mouthing me, trying to tell him I wasn’t doing enough for our DC, trying to convince him to move to her area (about 40 minute drive away) so she could look after him and the twins. Every time though he was stern with her but polite, trying to keep the peace. She was sickly sweet to me and said things like “your DH is just like his dad, I wouldn’t blame you if you left him. You could come live near me and I’ll make sure you’re okay.’ So either way she was trying to get between me and DH and have our children as close to her as possible. We had conversations with her, tried to set boundaries, told her she was lucky we were trying to be adults and if she wanted the relationship with our DC she needed to BACK OFF. She didn’t listen.

Eventually it took DH losing his temper with her and speaking a good few home truths to get her to do so. He didn’t shout or scream, just got very passionate and no-nonsense and let the ‘fluffy’ language go. We tried all the ways some PP here have said you should have handled it, it did not work.

Well done to you and OH OP - in our situation MiL came back after a few weeks of pouting/silent treatment, apologised as best she could and we could then work on boundaries and what it would take for the relationship to move forward. But we told her straight, anymore badmouthing of one of us to the other, anymore undermining of us as parents, that would be it. Last chance saloon so to speak.

She manages to put her foot in it every now and again but nowhere to the same degree.

Sometimes the air needs clearing fully, before any progress can be made and sometimes it can’t be. But it’s better to do it than to bottle it up.

@msmith501 WHAAAAAAAT?

How? Why? Was she arrested? I have so many questions

I can completely understand the OP being relieved that her DH has, at last, made a stand but Anna I hope the people saying that every man needs to tell his motther to fuck off will enjoy it when their kids show gratitude to them in the same way.

I’m so glad he’s finally said something to her.

Did you see a solicitor in the end? What did they say?

DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again

PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE FILMED THIS. I would replay it over, and over and over and over, then sigh happily every single time.

They say men marry women much like their mothers, so if your MIL is batshit, might be worth looking in the mirror...

Sounds like you're a bit bitter about something, why be so deliberately nasty and goady? Such a shame.