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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

411 replies

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:18

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster Smile

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 11/07/2019 09:53

She sounds pretty awful but I just can't feel elated about family relationships breaking down. Hopefully you can all find an amicable way forward.
Remember in the future you may well be the MIL and how would you feel if your relationship with your son and DIL was like this?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 11/07/2019 09:56

I remember your previous thread- if anyone needed telling it was that particular human embodiment of crazy. Glad he stood up to her, long may it last!

ScreamingValenta · 11/07/2019 09:56

Thank you for the update - good to hear your mum stepped in to take your DS out of the way!

Piffle11 · 11/07/2019 09:57

God this brings back memories of my carry on with ILs with DC1 … MIL's DH (not my DH's DF) would just walk in and take DS from whomever was holding him: he came in once whilst midwife was here (DS was still newborn), walked over to me and tried to take him off me. The Midwife told him off! He was furious … I was chuffed. We were at a family wedding: DS (3 months) got grizzly during the speeches so I stood up to take him outside … MIL's DH stands up and attempts to wrestle DS from me as I walk past. Had this sort of thing all the time. And @Bibijayne - MIL would give DS white chocolate when he was young (under 2): it gave him diarrhoea. I asked her not to, she continued. I asked her if she was still doing it: no, she says. But he would have diarrhoea every time she had him, and I sometimes found bits of white choc in his pushchair. 'Maybe you gave it to him', she actually said to me once!

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 10:00

@Lindy2

I agree with you, I never wanted it to come to this I just wanted to respect the fact that I am DS's mother

OP posts:
ineedaknittedhat · 11/07/2019 10:01

I don't know how old this dreadful woman is, but you need to make sure you go low contact before you get dragged into looking after her when she's old.

MrsMozartMkII · 11/07/2019 10:02

Very well done your DH!

Cherrysoup · 11/07/2019 10:03

She sounds pretty awful but I just can't feel elated about family relationships breaking down. Hopefully you can all find an amicable way forward.
Remember in the future you may well be the MIL and how would you feel if your relationship with your son and DIL was like this?

Have you read the other thread? Where the mil was changing the OP's hospital appointments to suit herself and interfering with her records to do so? Despite not being in the maternity department? And the fact that the mil told family that she'd have 'her' boys back by Christmas? She is not a normal lovely mil!

Hoppinggreen · 11/07/2019 10:04

As someone who’s Husband also finally stood up to his mummy 2 years ago (after 17 years of marriage) congratulations!!!
Get ready for an occasional bit of back sliding when his guilt gets too great but hopefully things will be much better now. My mil was nowhere near as bad as yours but we are still much happier with minimal contact

verticality · 11/07/2019 10:05

Hooray! And not before time. Props to your DH for this - totally understand what you say about it being a turn on!! Smile There's nothing less sexy than an adult without boundaries.

IvanaPee · 11/07/2019 10:07

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SlipperyWhenWatery · 11/07/2019 10:08

Do ignore @SilverTheCat as they obviously have such a perfect life they could never understand how liberating something like this is.

I'm so glad for you, OP. I wish my exh had found his spine with his gran, who we got the full works from.

Yousicktwistedfruit · 11/07/2019 10:10

Good for your DP I wish my DP would stand up to his parents like that I’ve been put through a year of hell with his parents but am still waiting for him to find his balls and tell them F off.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 11/07/2019 10:15

Ignore the vipersnsilvercat and knifeangel having had a horrible ex mil I'm pleased you're dp stood up for you and ds op.

bellagood · 11/07/2019 10:16

@FirstTimeMummyDS88

That is great news, as it's not easy for someone to stand up to a domineering mother!

However, your thread title made me PMSL!!! Grin

Over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go....

Literally hilarious 😂

Funny thing is, I don't think you even intended it to be!!! Grin

Contraceptionismyfriend · 11/07/2019 10:16

@Lindy2 I am sick to the back teeth of BS responses like yours.
The MIl is clearly in the wrong. I'm assuming OP doesn't plan to be a cunt to her DIL so she doesn't have to imagine if her child and his hypothetical family want her to piss off.

womenspeakout · 11/07/2019 10:17

I haven't read all your previous posts, but by you saying he's now driving himself to work, can I assume he's been driven to work by his mother until this week?

Original poster
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 10:21

@womenspeakout

They work in the same hospital but in different departments so different buildings. She used to pick him up and drop him home as she said it made no sense them both driving

OP posts:
Lizzielocket · 11/07/2019 10:23

Those making snarky comments have obviously never had a troublesome MIL.
Also, what makes the op sound chavvy?

Op, at some point your DP will get an attack of the guilts, she may be dreadful but she is still his DM. When this happens it’s time to talk and put boundaries in place regarding MIL and her contact with you and your DC. I hate to say it but it’s likely that you will have to have contact with her, don’t whatever you do let your DP get into a situation where he’s piggy in the middle, it will drive a wedge through your relationship. When you see her be polite and civil, try and let her crap go over your head. Be the bigger person.

I’m speaking from experience, my exMIL screamed in my face that I was a whore and a cunt amongst many other things, I refused to forgive her and my exDP was left in a terrible position. It contributed to the breakdown of our relationship.

msmith501 · 11/07/2019 10:25

I was like your DP when I was much much younger. When our daughter was born, my Mum decided to pop into hospital and help herself to the baby who was in a side unit without telling anyone. Got her back nearly five days later with police help. Anyway, after a few months of batshit behaviour, I got a court injunction against my parents and didn't see them for 24 years until my dad asked me to go to my Mums funeral. I didn't go but did reconnect with my dad (who apparently went along with my Mum for peace - for whom I ask!). My point is, the family unit that you have with your DP and DS is what matters and toxic people really don't have a place in it, even if they are related.

CatsAreMyWorld · 11/07/2019 10:26

Great news OP, well done DH, it needed saying.

IvanaPee · 11/07/2019 10:29

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SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/07/2019 10:30

This is the problem with bottling up resentment - when you finally do blow up, it can go too far.

I'm very glad that t=your DP is supporting you, and telling his mother that she's overstepped the mark, but the odds are that this will breed resentment on her part - she will not see what she is doing wrong, but will paint herself as the victim in all of this, and will become a martyr in the family.

On the other hand, anyone who wants a "private word" with a one-year old needs a good kick up the arse!

I think that your DP was justified in speaking up - but he perhaps should have waited until your poor guests had left.

His mother probably needed this telling-off - but not so publicly.

goodforbrian · 11/07/2019 10:30

I think your DP sounds fantastic OP! Just patiently waiting for my DP to do the same Grin

thecatsthecats · 11/07/2019 10:30

@Lindy2 - OP's MIL interfered with her son's medical appointments whilst working in the hospital.

This situation is way, way beyond 'let's sort this out' and well into the 'get this toxic person out of our lives' territory. Sometimes losing contact is the best thing to happen to a family, and they shouldn't be made to feel bad for it.