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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

411 replies

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:18

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster Smile

OP posts:
Kanga83 · 11/07/2019 10:31

@Bibijayne my batshit MIL did the same with my daughter when she was a baby. She was severe CMPA, on Alfamino, and she wouldn't have it and snuck her some cream off her hot chocolate while I was sorting her changing bag out in a cafe. She was horrendously poorly for 4 days. She has never been allowed to be the same room as my children now without me in the room too next to them (although we haven't seen her for a good year now).

Sceptre86 · 11/07/2019 10:32

Glad that he has finally found his backbone, hopefully this will be the start of a much healthier relationship with you.

I used to point out the things that pil would do that would upset me and my dh would go on the defensive and it always led to arguments. I then backed off and now dh recognises their not so nice behaviour himself.

Your mil is a lesson in the kind of mil you don't want to be when it is your turn.

AuntyMarysBigRedPants · 11/07/2019 10:32

So pleased for you, it needed saying

mumsie8 · 11/07/2019 10:35

You know while it might read (to some) as 'chavy' but when reading the written word it may be hard to gather context, or feeling or emotion. None of us have any idea how the 14 year actually said what he said. Its easy enough to say what he did in a completely placid manner, rather in the manner of the MN favourite 'did you mean to be so rude?' Because that's esentially what he was saying to her. Would that have made it more palatable to some of you? It definately seems that MIL needed calling out and why not at the party? OP was told often enough in her linked post that it needed sorting and now she's being berated for doing just that because it's all a bit chavy? MN eh? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Well done OP and well done OP's OH.

notapizzaeater · 11/07/2019 10:35

Where do all these bat shit mil come from ? Good for your DH.

NewFoneWhoDis · 11/07/2019 10:37

Just watch out now for her 'falling ill' now DP is standing up for himself and batting off the flying monkeys.

My money is on an A&E visit for chest pains. Lots of tests and worry ultimately fading away quietly once you are both suitably chastened and reined back in.

Don't fall for it and pre-warn your DP to watch out for it as well.

Needadvices · 11/07/2019 10:38

Not read the other thread, but whats so wrong in letting MIL hold the baby whilst cake was being brought in? So sad.

PrayingandHoping · 11/07/2019 10:39

Was SIL at the party and witnessed what happened? Or has she only MiL side of story?

I'm no surprised your pleased with DH. Shame it had to come to this but it was a long time coming....

IvanaPee · 11/07/2019 10:39

@Needadvices the baby’s dad was holding him? Confused

QuickThinkOfAName · 11/07/2019 10:39

I remember your precious threads and I was horrified. You did well not to get her the sack for accessing your private medical records. I don't know how you managed to restrain yourself.

I'm so glad your dh has stepped up. It must be a horrible realisation for him but he's finally there.

Hope you can have some quiet family time now. I would go low/no contact. She'll drag him back in with some serious illness soon if she follows the script.

Alsohuman · 11/07/2019 10:40

My baby. That’s what’s wrong with it.

Lizzielocket · 11/07/2019 10:40

IvanaPee if the MIL hadn’t have behaved so badly in the first place then the situation wouldn’t have happened, the babies party would have probably run smoothly. I can understand other family members not tolerating the MiL’s behaviour. When people behave in a shoddy way should we not call them out on it?
It sounds like the woman has been acting up for a long time, patience has likely run out. But maybe we should just smile and gloss over totally inappropriate behaviour.

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 10:44

@IvanaPee

My brother didn't shout at my MiL, he quietly told her not to speak to me in the way she did.

And yes I did threaten to kick her out on her arse (privately and quietly behind a closed door) because she called my brother names, should I have made her a cuppa and told her to continue?

My DP didn't raise his voice or swear until everyone had left the house except us and PIL, although he did tell her to shut up in front of guests after she raised her voice

OP posts:
FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 10:46

@PrayingandHoping

She lives abroad, I've only met her twice. MiL Messaged her when she got home from party to tell her how awful I am as usual

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 11/07/2019 10:46

@mrsmith
Got her back nearly 5 days later with police help
😱
I can hardly believe this, was your mother actively psychotic at the time?
That must have been so unbelievably traumatising and damaging for you, I just.... I don't have words

speakout · 11/07/2019 10:47

Sounds a fantastic party.
DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again

And your DP sounds quite the charmer.

Greensleeves · 11/07/2019 10:48

NewFoneWhoDis has it right - next stage is a sudden dramatic onset of illness. Could be chest pains. My mother had a "haemorrhage" in an unspecified location which oddly enough came to nothing. Flying monkeys galore.

Hope your dp manages to stay firm.

LoafofSellotape · 11/07/2019 10:50

All sounds exhausting. You're obviously thriving off the drama though so great!

I agree.

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 10:51

@speakout

The party was lovely until PIL arrived

My DP May have been wrong for swearing at his mum and raising his voice but if you haven't read previous posts then you have no idea what his mother has put us through. She has accused me of causing my DS's growth restriction and development delay because I had 3 G&T's while 3 weeks pregnant (obviously I didn't know I was). She tried to get into NeoNatal to hold my baby before I even had, she threatened to call social services on me for "emotional abuse" because I said if she was having DS then my DP has to go to after she tried to take my son for his first haircut behind my back and me nor my partner wanted his hair cutting. I could go on and on for days

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 11/07/2019 10:51

I agree this isn't over that was just round 5, she'll be back for the next round
you are wrestling with a pig, she keeps inviting you back into the wrestling ring and you are complying, every struggle that you have with her plays into her hands
no contact is the only solution

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 10:54

@bellagood

My sarcasm can be a bit much 😂😂

OP posts:
bellagood · 11/07/2019 10:56
Grin
CassianAndor · 11/07/2019 10:56

god, the smug perfect mummies are out in force this morning, aren't they?

OP - I haven't read your previous threads (don't suppose the smug mummies have either) but having seen on here that this woman accessed your medical records I would say she's got off lightly.

Needadvices · 11/07/2019 10:56

@IvanaPee and he couldnt give him to his mother to hold? Please God none of mine marry someone that thinks MIL has to be put aside the moment they have a baby.
Some boundaries at the start would have worked without needing to stop her seeing her grandson

PrayingandHoping · 11/07/2019 10:56

Ah so SIL is actually completely clueless to what is going on. Your DH needs to ring her and lay it all out and then tell her if she doesn't believe us to butt out, her opinion on your lives when she is so far removed and has no idea, is not needed!