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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

411 replies

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:18

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster Smile

OP posts:
SilverTheCat · 11/07/2019 09:22

All sounds exhausting. You're obviously thriving off the drama though so great!

Littletabbyocelot · 11/07/2019 09:22

Fantastic news

user1483387154 · 11/07/2019 09:23

yay! definitely a good move on his part

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 11/07/2019 09:25

Good for him!

Troels · 11/07/2019 09:25

Well done to your Dp, manned up and stuck up for his child and partner at last. I hope he keeps it up.

KnifeAngel · 11/07/2019 09:26

Great. You all sound delightful.

gamerchick · 11/07/2019 09:27

Good for him. She might behave a bit better now and they can build a more adult relationship with each other.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/07/2019 09:30

Good news! Hope your son enjoyed his party and your brother is okay too.

Cherrysoup · 11/07/2019 09:32

'My baby'?! Bloody good for your dp! Sounds like it was time he did this.

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:33

@SilverTheCat

I wouldn't say I'm thriving off the drama, I'm just relieved that after almost 5 years of problems with in-laws that my DP is finally starting to see that she is unreasonable and is too full on with both DP and DS. I don't want to fight with her, I just want her to understand that DP is not a child anymore, he is a grown man with a family of his own and that she doesn't need to be so involved.

OP posts:
popehilarious · 11/07/2019 09:34

I remember your previous thread. The minute she started interfering in your medical appointments would've been it for me.

ScreamingValenta · 11/07/2019 09:34

How awful for your guests and 1 year old DS to have to witness all that shouting and swearing. I'm glad your DP is sticking up for you, but it's a shame your son's party had to be spoiled.

Bibijayne · 11/07/2019 09:37

Yay! Can't believe she kept trying to grab your son from his uncle and his dad. Like, wait five minutes!

Also yay for shiny spines. DH recently told his mum that no, she cannot turn up several hours early for our son's birthday party in a few weeks. TBH, if we could trust her to not try and feed him food he's allergic to, then we wouldn't mind her playing with him a bit whilst the party gets set up (church hall affair, cheap and cheerful and five minutes from our house). But she cannot be trusted with him unsupervised. She's even bragged to various friends and relatives that she's going to feed him ice cream the second she is alone with him (she seems confused that every single person she has said to this has told us and warned us). He has pretty severe CMPA. The crazy bit is, we're happy for him to have dairy free ice cream and cake... But that's not good enough for her. :/

Bibijayne · 11/07/2019 09:39

Sorry mini rant tangent there.

I really didn't think people behaved like this... But alas some do.

Hopefully your DS still had a nice birthday week.

AnnaMagnani · 11/07/2019 09:40

Am so happy for you and your DP.

I remember my DM telling me that there was a point in every relationship where the man had to tell his mother to fuck off or the relationship wouldn't survive. Don't think she realised it was also true of the woman

We made it without resorting to swearing but she had a point.

I hope you and your DP are going from strength to strength.

Fifteenthnamechange · 11/07/2019 09:41

Oh bore off @SilverTheCat @KnifeAngel the OP isn't delighting in the drama she's just pleased she's made a breakthrough. Whenever someone posts about their MIL on here they're given the classic line 'you haven't got a MIL problem you have a DP problem' (which I agree with) DP has stepped up to the plate for OP here, which is progress.
Anyway, @FirstTimeMummyDS88, hope this paved the way for a healthier relationship for you all Thanks

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:45

@Bibijayne

That is awful!
Why would you feed a child something you know will make him ill
I think you MiL actually beats mine in the crazy stakes

OP posts:
Weenurse · 11/07/2019 09:47

I am glad he has stood up for your family.
It has been all about her and what she wants up until now.

ComeAndDance · 11/07/2019 09:47

Actually its very nice to see that some men change and see the light.

Its a nice change to the regular comments on MN on how 'he will never change. Just LTB'.

@FirstTimeMummyDS88 Im happy for you Flowers. Hopefully, this is the start of a better relationship between you and your DP.

luckygreeneyes · 11/07/2019 09:48

Glad to hear it, my mil is awful too and I remember reading your first thread.

FirstTimeMummyDS88 · 11/07/2019 09:49

@ScreamingValenta

It was pretty awkward, I maybe should have been more clear, it was only the MIL who raised voice in front of guests, I told her I'd throw her arse out privately in kitchen with door shut. My Dp did tell her to shut up on from of DS and guests and that was it. It was after the guests had all gone and my mum took DS for a drive to the shops with her to give us a chance to talk to MIL so DS and guests didn't really witness any shouting or swearing just an awful atmosphere which is obviously mortifying and I have rang them all to apologise since

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 11/07/2019 09:49

I remember my DM telling me that there was a point in every relationship where the man had to tell his mother to fuck off or the relationship wouldn't survive.

Never had to do this so not every relationship.

twistyturnycurlywhirly · 11/07/2019 09:49

I'll admit that I would find it a bit of a turn on too if my DH suddenly found his back bone with regards to MIL.

Weenurse · 11/07/2019 09:52

Do you think SIL moved to Australia to get away from all of this?

DGRossetti · 11/07/2019 09:52

Took a while to read that OP, as I was drifting back in time imagining a similar resolution with my MiL ....

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