To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster

With the medical records, an audit will probably unearth this at some point. You could ask for a subject access request, but her details will be redacted.

I’m really glad that the meeting with the solicitor was helpful. And the whole reporting her to the hospital thing can stay in reserve if she still doesn’t back off!

Shows disrespect to an adult of MIL's age here.

Respect is earned. Calling my sister a cow (at a child's birthday party in front of children) would pretty much guarantee I'd have absolutely no respect for someone.

Children should be taught respect, but they should also be told not to pander to nasty, rude, bitter and passive aggressive arseholes.

Well done OP,OPs DH and OPs brother. Nothing heavy or disrespectful about the way any of you handled it.
People shouting chav have obviously nothing better to do than try to make you feel bad about a horrible situation that wasnt of your making.

I'm thrilled for you OP that your DH seems to have finally got the measure of his mother. My marriage was similar to yours in the beginning (though my MIL nowhere near at crazy). I got sick of the constant criticism, back stabbing, tears from MIL and tantrums from FIL (DH is an only child and was very much in the FOG: fear obligation and guilt), and DH never standing up to them or standing up for me that I went NC with them. When we had our first DC I called a truce and we've managed to rub along since then, despite some glaring provocation. I'm a decent, kind and fair person so I just carried on being me. DH however has changed so much over the years. They can't control him any more and he sees them for what they are; selfish and entitled. Funnily enough mine and MIL/FIL relationship has mellowed over the years and I now have more time for them than DH does - the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction he can be a bit too harsh about them IMO. My MIL wasn't batshit crazy however, so I don't expect you to become best buds with your MIL any time this century!!

OP, I read your other thread at the time and was horrified on your behalf.
You, your DH and your DB all behaved fine at the party. Frankly, you all showed immense restraint not to rip her head off, after all that you have put up with for so long.
I have sons, and hope one day I will also have DILs and GCs. MN has taught me how not to behave if I want good relationships.
Hope that things continue to improve for you.

I am going to be the best MIL in the world from all the pointers I get on Mumsnet telling me how NOT to behave.

I don't think the 14 year old has done anything wrong. I applaud him for having the courage to stand up for his older sister in a non confrontational way. I would proud if my son stood up for his older sister like that. Respect is earned. Age does not equal automatic respect- it's the attitude you have.

Bloody Hell OP you are getting some stick here
I imagine it’s from people who haven’t experienced a parent or in law like this
Unfortunately some people are so batshit crazy that people who haven’t experienced it find it very hard to believe - if I wrote even a fraction of the things my Father did people would think I was making it up
Ignore the people calling you names, they are clueless!

Probably gonna get me into trouble with a few people on here but I did buy my brother a £20 PlayStation voucher afterwards

I like to reward his chavvy disrespectful behaviour

@Hoppinggreen spot on. Unless you have faced it to this level, it's impossible to explain and looks made up. I don't go into half the stuff my MiL has done as a) it will out me to those that know me and b) look like a really bad reverse or troll post. I have questioned my sanity before and nearly ended my marriage due to my mil.

I read your other thread. I'm happy for you. Also your brother sounds ace. Standing up to someone much more senior than you at age 14, the way he did is just awesome. As PP said, Respect is earned.

If it's chavvy for a young person to stick up for their sibling to a person who is being unpardonably rude to her and about her in her own house, then I hope I bring up a chav. At least they're showing they're not prepared to be a bystander, and they're not going to sit around expecting someone else to do something while not being prepared to do anything themselves.

Full props to your brother, OP.

I think your brother did a fab job defending you. Your MIL lost the right to a private discussion when she called you a cow infront of guests including children. Well done 14 year old bro 👏👏👏👏

Weird penguin re every son should tell his mother to fuck off - I wouldn't agree that these are the words that should be used, but I do agree that DCs do need to set a boundary with their parents at some point - that is when they become adults rather than children. As a parent this can be hard to hear, but also strangely freeing - they are now in charge of themselves and you can let go.

@FirstTimeMummyDS88 Well I think your little brother deserved that and more. It is not easy as a young teenager to stand up to anyone older, let alone a batshit crazy old woman like your MIL. He deserves a medal.

Also OP, well done overall - I hope this sorts out your MIL for you and your family. I wouldn't hold my breath but you never know.

Wow, the parade of smug-classism-posing-as-PC is quite something today.

Congratulations, OP, and well done to your DP.

@msmith501 wtf?!

We need more details!!!

You know when she called you a cow, that was the time to tell her to leave.

I'm thinking - is the right thing to do, sometimes not necessarily the same as the correct thing?

The OP brother is 14 and quite often their mouths engage before their brains. As they still learning to be an adult.

MIL on the other hand is 60 and old enough to know how to behave at a child's birthday party. Except the has learnt and be extension taught everyone around her to do her bidding and that what she says goes. Well in the world outside her little world doesn't go and other people know how to behave.

chilling you are assuming that every parent violates their adult children's boundaries and needs to be told to fuck off. I have every sympathy with OP but I don't agree that all parents fail to respect their children as adults.

I love your brother!

I did read your previous thread and was one of the posters who said you should report your mother in law for accessing your records, I still think you should and would be worried about her doing it again.
As for this situation it’s great that your DP has found the courage to confront her!
Well done to your brother it takes confidence and courage to call someone out on their behaviour at any age and I think it’s a credit to him that he was willing and able to do so on your behalf and shows he is of good moral character, not willing to watch others being treated badly and do nothing!

Kicked my DM out after decades of drama at family events like this. Moved house, went nc. ex directory, she had a friend in the NHS who accessed my records for her. Absolutely steaming about that, but cannot prove.