To be over the moon my DP has finally took his balls out of Mummy's handbag and told her where to go

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

from Hell, like she's actually a Demon http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/3610296-mil-from-hell-like-she-s-actually-a-demon

Link to previous thread above

So as a few of you may remember reading my previous posts my MiL is bat shit crazy. The lest few weeks my DP has been more supportive but was still getting a lift to work everyday from her (they work in same place and she says there's no point them both driving).

It was DS 1st birthday 2 weeks ago and we decided to have a few friends and family around for cake and a few party games, decided against a big party as he's 1 and will never remember it and we planned a few days out over his birthday week.

Party started at 2pm, DS was sat on floor with a few other children playing pass the parcel (with help from my brother who is 14) when PIL arrived at 3.15, MIL swanned in like a Disney Villain and picked up DS mid game from my brothers knee without so much of a word to anyone. I asked her if she could give DS back to my brother so he could finish game as DS was trying to get down. She loudly announced that she wanted to give him his presents. DP stepped in and said "well it won't hurt to wait 5 minutes, let's let him finish playing first, we can do the cake and then presents"

She handed DS over to DP who gave him straight to my brother. She muttered something about how I always have a problem with everything she does and called me a cow, my brother took exception to this and said "don't talk about my sister like that, especially in her house and at a kids party, act your age"

MIL demanded to have a word in kitchen with DP and myself where she proceeded to tell us that she had wanted private time with her Grandson on his birthday and was furious at being spoken to like that by my disrespectful little shit brother. Now I have probably called my brother far worse over the years but I am not having anyone speak about him like that and especially as I don't think he said anything wrong so I told her if she couldn't be civil then to leave as I wasn't having a scene and if I hear another word about my brother I'll throw her arse out myself

Anyway a bit later we go to do the cake and as I'm walking in with the cake and we are all singing happy birthday she tries to take DS from DP who shrugged her off and helped DS blow out candles. She loudly asked what the problem was and my DP tried to shush her. She suddenly shouted at the top of her voice "your trying to keep me away from my baby" Well it was like a switch was finally set off in DP's brain and he told her to shut up and he would speak to her after party. Guests all left probably feeling quite awkward. DP then went off like a bomb telling her that she was disgusting to ruin his party and that DS is not her baby he is our baby and from now on she needs to back the fuck off or she won't be seeing either of them again. She tried to argue back but he wouldn't have it (was actually quite a turn on haha) since then he hasn't seen her, she has phoned once to see how him and baby are and he has just said "we are all fine, we will see you soon I'll ring you" and he has started driving himself to and from work. SIL sent a message kicking off about the way he spoke to their mum and his reply was "you can go and fuck off aswell"

I actually know I'm not being unreasonable I just wanted to brag about my DP finding his spine and finally slaying the monster

I have told my DP that if any of our sons appointments were to suddenly be changed I would look into it and if I find out it was anything to do with MiL I would report her this time as I'm not having her messing with his care as we're are finally starting to get somewhere with his development delay and he's now having physio and is doing a lot better

She was a bit shocked when he told her she wasn't needed or wanted at appointment and I could hear her trying to say something but to be honest he didn't really give her a chance he just said what he had to say then said goodnight mum and hung straight up

Good on your DP! Nothing so sexy as a man that's found his gonads, and how to use them, lol.

Good for your dp-under no circumstances tell her any dates in future and if it is the same hospital and she turns up one day definitely report

Well, even if she turns up at the appointment, you don't have to let her go in with you.

I think if I was in this situation I’d let the hospital know that no one is to be given information about my son other than his mother and father and that there is a relative who may try to find it information but is not to be given it. I imagine most hospitals are pretty hot on their confidentiality but all it takes is for one employee to be hoodwinked by MIL and reveal something, esp as working in a hospital herself she probably knows what to say to convince someone.
Hope the appointment goes well and DH continues to stand up for you and his son. I’m another who believes you have acted decently throughout this and have shown incredible tolerance and restraint!

Op my ILs do the same on phone calls to dh. They'll specifically ask after the kids and never me.

He might get lucky tonight
Tell us he did!
This is the only time i'll say that a man deserves a shag

I read your last thread in horror and them this one both with horror (at your MIL's narcissism, manipulation and just plain rudeness) and then delight at your dp finally standing up to her.

It puts my dh's travails with his mum into perspective She is very controlling and likes to have her 4 kids (she has 5 but I've never met one as she went NC over 25 years ago now I understand why ) beholden to her Dh isn't, but she offered to give us some money recently to cover ds' Uni rent over the summer we can afford it but it involves transferring from savings but then her mask slipped and said that he Dh would then "join the club" (and then named 2 nephews who were annoyingly independent of her).

But that is peanuts compared your MIL's attempts to control

Given what dh has been working through with his counsellor, don't be surprised if it takes time for your dp to come to terms with his new family reality. If he's been conditioned for over how many years old he is, that conditioning, and the associated pain of recognition, doesn't disappear over night

As someone said upthread, even if she turns up at the appointment you don't have to put up with her being there, even if it causes a bit of a scene.

At the moment ds is young enough to completely forget any scene that could ensue. I think the "Did you mean to be so rude?" might work if she walks in on a private consultation, whether she works there or not. I say this while looking back 19 years to how my MIL was (not a patch on yours though, similar) back when dd was tiny. I honestly do think that a small scene now, even if it is in front of dd, will do less damage than MIL dripping poison in ds' ear when he's developed speech and will remember the bad-mouthing.

Vis a vis the appintment, it would help if you were to warn the nurses and reception staff that she may turn up and pretend that she's expected/wanted.

He also said that when he said that he will call her meant that unless it's an emergency he doesn't want to hear from her for a while

Be prepared for a sudden emergency then, @FirstTimeMummyDS88. She may suddenly develop a very serious condition which requires her son to pay all his attention to her and not upset her in any way, dontchaknow...

So tonight DP had a meal out with workmates to celebrate a good friends birthday. As I have said before MIL works at same hospital but different department in a different building and was also attending the meal.

Meal started at 6 and DP was back home by 7.15 with a face like thunder saying "that's it now with his Mother, she isn't coming near any of us again"

Apparently at the meal one of DPs work mates was talking about her son who recently got engaged when MiL started saying "well just don't let her do what my DIL has done to me and my son" and proceeded to tell the entire table that I'm a "nasty, rude, controlling freak who had destroyed her family and took her son from her"

DP has now said that she is totally out of our lives now and if she wants to go to court over our DS then "bring it on"

did he say anything at the meal?

q

Op how awful. I assume your dh left early.

@PonderingPanda

He told her that she has just blew her last chance and she needs to stop acting like a child and that I haven't ruined her relationship with her son she's done that herself

He then apologies to the lady who's birthday meal it was and left

I’ve read your other posts OP. You must be so relieved to have your DP on your side.

This woman is whole new level crazy. Please enjoy your family.

I’ve kept up with this as it’s so nice to see a case where the DP finally opens their eyes to the MIL’s crazed antics! I can’t believe her crazed behaviour. If I were a psychologist I’d say she sounds like a classic case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder!

So happy for you @FirstTimeMummyDS88 and well done for withstanding her madness for so long. Wishing you a peaceful life with your lovely family and hope the beast keeps at bay or learns to eat a massive helping of humble pie.

When I read threads like this I am instantly overwhelmed with gratitude that my MIL is a lovely woman, DH is an only child as well which I have been lead to believe can be a key issue with many demon MILs.
Could the SIL living in Australia inadvertently be causing a sort of ‘only child’ mechanism in this woman’s brain and being played out upon your DP and son.

Tbh I think she is well past the point of being rational now and is living in a carefully constructed fantasy world where you are the nemesis/villain/childsnatcher and are responsible for all her woes, even to the point of hijacking some poor woman’s birthday part.

I agree with previous posters, watch out for some carefully timed medical issues, that are obviously going to be laid at your door in your role as the underminer of this perfect family she had. Given that she has pre existing heart issues I would be reacting to any summons to the deathbed but laced with a healthy dose of skepticism...

As stressful as this mother-in-law is in many ways she makes it easy for you because she's so outrageous in her behaviour once you realise what she is has strategy is obvious.
The dangerous ones are the more subtle self-controlled ones, these convert malign types are much more difficult to deal with.

You always think of the best retort after the fact, but if only he'd said "We'd forgiven you for changing her medical appointments without her knowledge and you STILL keep going on".

I'm sure all of the medical professionals at the dinner would have understood the gravity of what she has done and what she must be like.

Wow she just couldn't quit whilst behind could she, just had to go even further a completly blow up her relationship with her ds.
Have a 🍾 as she's out of your life forever 🤗

She really is outrageous! Congratulations @FirstTimeMummyDS88 you are well shot of her. I hope it lasts

Well it had been a really nice week, very quiet, no Contact from PIL other than them posting an invitation through our door for a family party that had been sent from another relative to her house as they didn't have our postcode so she posted it on her way to work which is good of her and I'm grateful she didn't knock and has respected what DP said

Then....

A really good friend of mine turns 30 in September, she has asked me and a few other girls to go to Spain for a long weekend. I spoke to my partner before I agreed, to clarify I wasn't asking permission as such it was just to make sure he could get time off work, had no plans, would be ok with DS as he has an appointment with his consultant again on that Monday (it's not an important appointment as such they literally just weight him and measure him and hopefully he will be being discharged finally, and I have taken him to every appointment on my own for the past few months, DP has taken time off for important ones and came to all the early ones)

DP said he would be fine and got the few days off easily. I will be going early on the Friday morning and back my lunch time on the Monday. So I asked DP's cousin would she do my hair and eyelashes for the trip and booked in with her, while discussing i was told that cousins younger sister who has just turned 18 was going to Greece the same day as my trip and our flights were only an hour apart. To save the younger girls some cash we offered to share our minibus to the airport with them, which has gotten back to MIL, cousins sister mentioned it while PIL where there for her birthday lunch.

MIL has told young cousin to make sure I'm not ripping her off, it would have cost the girls £35 each for their own bus with us it's costing them £12, clearly we are doing them a favour. And then told Cousins and their mum that she is going to get DP and DS to stay with her in her house for the time I'm away as she doesn't think he should have to cope on his own and that I'm very selfish to be going on a "girls gone wild" holiday at my age, if you have read my previous posts you will remember that DP when in holiday in April with his family and myself and DP stayed at home.

The thing DP doesn't know about the latest stuff yet as he's away on a training course until this evening and I didn't want to tell him over the phone, I feel awful about bringing this up to him when he's started to feel positive and like we were getting somewhere with his family

She's not going to change. I'm surprised that she's been fairly quiet so far, but she'll blow soon enough, she won't be able to hold it in.

Once DP has got back and unpacked, let him know what's been going on.

I work in mental heath nursing and a while ago I was offered a job by an old colleague who now runs their own nursing home in another city which is about an hour and a half drive, at the time I turned it down as I had not long had DS, the job is more money than my current job for less hours and is a really good opportunity so I was sad to be turning it down but obviously DS comes first.
I speak to this friend often and she always jokes "are you ready to come and work for me now"

It's getting to the point I'm thinking of calling my friend and asking her for a job, I don't want to uproot DS from Nursery but it's getting to the point that all this is making me ill, I've lost over 3 stone now in 6 months and I can burst into tears at the drop of a hat and I'm not being the mother I want to be when I'm constantly worried about when MIL is going to pop up next with a new drama.

I'm considering telling my DP what me and DS are moving and it's his call if he wants to come with us, I can't do this anymore