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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my non-local friend to stay for the evening at my wedding?

249 replies

allthewaytorenooo · 10/07/2019 14:08

Actual geographical locations changed but distances roughly correct.

I'm not a bridezilla but genuinely feeling hurt by this from one of my oldest and closest friends so asking if AIBU as I'd honestly like to feel better about it!

Friend lives in Wales, I live in Buckinghamshire and am getting married in Sussex, where my family all live.

Friend is invited to the whole wedding, has RSVPd she's coming. Wedding is at 3, food around 5.30.

She's just emailed me to confirm times etc re: eating and has responded "great, I'm going to see a show in London that evening so good we'll have finished eating by 7."

So it turns out she's going to travel to my wedding, and yes I know the important bit is the ceremony...then she's going to leave right after the speeches to go and see a show in London as it's convenent for her having tavelled all that way across.

I just, well, I just thought she'd come to the whole thing and it has hurt me that she doesn't want to be there for it. I know weddings are boring etc but we have lots of mutual friends and she's basically missing the fun party bit.

Is this normal? She didn't already have tickets for something, she's literally going to book them as it's convenient.

OP posts:
Summertimeatthebeach · 10/07/2019 14:11

Just wow. . Sorry op but maybe you have different values of the friendship.... Very shitty imo.. She will look a twat when she leaves....

Booboooo · 10/07/2019 14:12

I wouldn't be happy about it

StealthPolarBear · 10/07/2019 14:12

You'll be told yabu but yes that's weird.
If I go to a wedding I see it as a day out in its own right. But then I'm one if the weird people who enjoys weddings

Pinktinker · 10/07/2019 14:14

YANBU, that’s odd behaviour from a close friend.

lmusic87 · 10/07/2019 14:17

I would call her out on this before she comes.

Cautionsharpblade · 10/07/2019 14:17

Weddings bore the shit out of me but your friend is being plain weird

DecomposingComposers · 10/07/2019 14:22

How is she going to get from Sussex to London in time for a show if you don't sit down until 5.30? Does she plan on leaving part way through the meal or the speeches in order to make the start of the show?

livefornaps · 10/07/2019 14:25

That's shocking!!!

Original poster
allthewaytorenooo · 10/07/2019 14:26

"DecomposingComposers Wed 10-Jul-19 14:22:58
How is she going to get from Sussex to London in time for a show if you don't sit down until 5.30? Does she plan on leaving part way through the meal or the speeches in order to make the start of the show?"

I'm not totally sure...I guess she's thinking she'll get up in the middle of dinner if necessary. I feel stressed about dinner being on time and speeches etc now!!

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 10/07/2019 14:27

That's incredibly tacky behaviour. I'd understand if it was down to kids at home or not being able to afford a hotel for the night but that's crap.

livefornaps · 10/07/2019 14:28

No don't be stressed she is being a twat.

I would just say "I'm a little taken aback by your message as i was looking forward to celebrating with you for the entire day that you've been invited to"

BowiesJumper · 10/07/2019 14:28

These things rarely run bang on time...

I'd say to her, I'm not sure there would be time for you to get to London for a show. And don't you want to enjoy the fun party bit? I'd love for you to be there.

Original poster
allthewaytorenooo · 10/07/2019 14:28

And, yes, I am now thinking the friendship doesn't mean as much to her as to me.

OP posts:
EmrysAtticus · 10/07/2019 14:29

I think it's fine to leave before the evening do. To you it is the fun party bit but to people like me it's sheer torture. I absolutely refuse to do evening dos anymore.

GruciusMalfoy · 10/07/2019 14:30

YANBU at all. She is being pretty odd, people don't travel all that distance for a good friend, only to leave midway through a meal. Didn't you say you her there's no chance she'd make it to the show as dinner is at 5.30?!

ohhelloitsyou · 10/07/2019 14:31

Don’t worry about everything being on time to suit her at all, if she hasn’t planned very well that’s on her. She’ll be the one who looks like a tit getting up during a meal or speech to go to a show she booked the same day as her friends wedding... we travel between Sussex and where we live in very south of London and honestly she’s going to miss the show. I don’t see how she’ll manage it unless the show is a really late showing and she doesn’t see any traffic at all (ha!)

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/07/2019 14:31

YANBU but people can we very odd, no accounting for it. We had a tiny family only wedding and one of my SIL who I’m very close to left before the meal to travel for 5 hours by train (DB had driven them there and kept the car to drive back the next day) because she didn’t want to be away from her dog.

fessmess · 10/07/2019 14:31

One of my local friends booked a holiday instead of coming to my wedding party. On the day it didn't bother me. Now, when I think about it it is odd.

Disfordarkchocolate · 10/07/2019 14:33

I'd be hurt but please don't focus on it. I would let her know I was hurt though, it makes you look like a time filler, not a close friend.

stanski · 10/07/2019 14:34

Frankly that's quite rude of her. I'd call her out on it

MatchSetPoint · 10/07/2019 14:36

Did you state in your invitations that after the speeches there would be a ‘party’? Or did you just assume people would know this? I would be super upset too but maybe she thought you meant the whole wedding would be finished after the meal and she doesn’t think she has done anything wrong.

ShatnersWig · 10/07/2019 14:36

That's shit.

LittleAndOften · 10/07/2019 14:38

Whereabouts in Sussex OP? From where I live in sussex, the train to london takes nearly 2 hours. Can't see how she's going to make a show?

Either way, it's pretty thoughtless of her. I think you need to be honest and tell her you're disappointed she isn't staying the whole day.

Idontwanttotalk · 10/07/2019 14:38

Like you said, weddings are boring and the ceremony is the most important part, and she'll be there for that.

She may think it acceptable to just be there for the important bit.

Passthecherrycoke · 10/07/2019 14:39

I’d tell her not to bother coming at all tbh. Just ask why she isn’t staying for the evening and when she says something daft tell her not to bother

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