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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my non-local friend to stay for the evening at my wedding?

249 replies

allthewaytorenooo · 10/07/2019 14:08

Actual geographical locations changed but distances roughly correct.

I'm not a bridezilla but genuinely feeling hurt by this from one of my oldest and closest friends so asking if AIBU as I'd honestly like to feel better about it!

Friend lives in Wales, I live in Buckinghamshire and am getting married in Sussex, where my family all live.

Friend is invited to the whole wedding, has RSVPd she's coming. Wedding is at 3, food around 5.30.

She's just emailed me to confirm times etc re: eating and has responded "great, I'm going to see a show in London that evening so good we'll have finished eating by 7."

So it turns out she's going to travel to my wedding, and yes I know the important bit is the ceremony...then she's going to leave right after the speeches to go and see a show in London as it's convenent for her having tavelled all that way across.

I just, well, I just thought she'd come to the whole thing and it has hurt me that she doesn't want to be there for it. I know weddings are boring etc but we have lots of mutual friends and she's basically missing the fun party bit.

Is this normal? She didn't already have tickets for something, she's literally going to book them as it's convenient.

OP posts:
User8888888 · 10/07/2019 15:02

She’s being rude and like others have said don’t pay for her meal because she’ll have to leave before 5.30 to make a 7 show. I’d be very disappointed too. You realise though that friendships drift. I had a uni friend that bailed the morning of my wedding. I’m not convinced she’d ever intended to come as she never even sent a card. I think she forgot or just couldn’t be arsed as she facebooked me as I was getting my hair done after I’d put something up about being excited about the wedding with some lame excuse. I wouldn’t have minded her not coming if she’d given me some notice so I didn’t pay for meals for her, her plus one and child. I was really short on space so I could had had 3 more people to the wedding. Some people are just inconsiderate arseholes. Your friend is one I’m afraid.

Sashkin · 10/07/2019 15:03

I’d reply “oh ok, if you’re going to make it to a show in London you’ll need to leave straight after the ceremony, so I’ve cancelled your meal. Have fun!” And I wouldn’t rebook it, regardless of how much she backtracks. I’d “misunderstand” and keep insisting I’d feel terrible if she missed her show on my account and she should definitely aim to be back at the station before 5pm.

Stupid, rude woman.

Ponoka7 · 10/07/2019 15:05

One and a half hours isn't that ling when ut comes to a Wedding.

There's a gap between courses, toasts and mid-meal speaches and thank yous.

She's being exceptionally rude and should have declined or stayed ine night and gone to the show the next day. Which is what i have done in the past.

Ponoka7 · 10/07/2019 15:05

Sorry about the typos.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2019 15:06

I’d send Mathildas message. If she says she’ll eat the meal fast or something, I’d explain the cost and that the evening do goes on TIL x time. I wouldn’t let myself get bullied into providing a meal at £75 a head.

merlotqueen · 10/07/2019 15:08

How rude and thoughtless, I would cancel her attendance at the Reception too. Is she jealous do you think?

Chewbecca · 10/07/2019 15:09

That's not ok. I would do the short message suggested such as 'eh, are you really not staying for the party?'

Loopytiles · 10/07/2019 15:09

Poor show from your friend.

bobsyourauntie · 10/07/2019 15:10

I would reply to her that you cannot guarantee that the food will be over by 7pm, that you are disappointed that she would rather go to a show than stay for the entire evening, and perhaps she would like to reconsider the timings/her options before you cancel her food if she is not going to be able to eat it all................

If she wants to combine the two, she needs to see a show the following day or stay over for an extra night.

Loopytiles · 10/07/2019 15:10

Unless her pre-booked tickets were for Hamilton Grin

merlotqueen · 10/07/2019 15:10

Gobbling down a meal at a Wedding Reception because you have something else to do is beyond cheeky fuckery. Tell her there are heaps of people who want to stay and celebrate with you and she clearly isn't one of them.

dustarr73 · 10/07/2019 15:10

I would tell her not to bother.The weddings at 3,its 2 hours to London[from what other people said].

So she will basically be at the church and thats it.

I think thats awful of your so called friend.

Comefromaway · 10/07/2019 15:11

There is no way on earth she will get to London for a show on time. Weddings always run over for one thing.

Incredibly rude.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 10/07/2019 15:11

ShockShockShock

The only exception at my wedding was very very good friends who left straight after dinner as one of their dcs had died a few months before & they didn’t feel up to the party bit. Completely different & understandable - & I was honoured that they had come under such circumstances. Your ‘friend’ is unbelievable rude.

I’d make sure the food was out late.

diddl · 10/07/2019 15:12

"It is possible that she already had the tickets and is therefore trying to combine the two."

If she already had the tickets & didn't want to cancel, she should have told you about it & discussed it with you.

£150 for two meals!!!

trackingmedown · 10/07/2019 15:14

That sounds unworkable. Even if you were getting married in the centre of London you’d be hard pushed to sit down to a catered meal at 5.30 and be at a West End show at the usual curtain up time of 7.30.

The only way I can see it working is if she is going to a late night cabaret type of show in which case it might be doable but it still seems very rude to rush off from a friend’s wedding to go to a show.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 10/07/2019 15:18

Don't forget the OP states that the locations have been changed, so we're not talking about getting into London for the show. It could be do-able (but still not on if the guest will have to leave midway through the meal)well

Crankybitch · 10/07/2019 15:19

She has told you in time so you can tell her that you are pleased she’s coming to the ceremony but as she has to leave you have sent an full day invite to Mr&Mrs X who will be able to stay for the whole meal - say you don’t want there to be empty seats when the speeches are being done

It’s not nice of her but at least she has told you before and not just up and left after the starter

dustarr73 · 10/07/2019 15:20

Don't forget the OP states that the locations have been changed, so we're not talking about getting into London for the show

Thats true.The show could still be awkward to get to.

CheerfulChimp · 10/07/2019 15:22

She'll need to leave in a hurry to get to London in time.

In this circumstance it would seem reasonable to cancel her meal as she won't get the chance to eat it anyway.Confused

Ohyesiam · 10/07/2019 15:23

I really don’t like the way she told you.

Betty777 · 10/07/2019 15:24

Push the timing of the meal back an hour just to make sure she misses it Grin

MyCatHatesEverybody · 10/07/2019 15:24

Yes it could dustarr but london traffic/parking facilities etc are quite unlike any other big cities I've visited.

Opossooom · 10/07/2019 15:30

I’m as petty as petty could be and she would be completely uninvited 😂😂😂

CassianAndor · 10/07/2019 15:34

I'm guessing the show is still in London, it's the Sussex and Wales bits that have changed.

That's pretty weird of her. I would ring her and just say that your disappointed she doesn't want to stay for the party. I also think she'll be lucky to get out at 7 so I;d double check that she actually wants to stay for the meal!

We went from London to Wales for a wedding, wouldn't have dreamt of trying to fit something else in on the day of the actual wedding!