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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That if you kid is vegan you don't withhold that information till 6 hours before the playday?

316 replies

Luxplus · 09/07/2019 20:41

Sunday a girls mom from nusery txt me and wants to plan playday for today with dd1. All well, arrange that I pick the girls up at 2.30pm after I get off work and the girl eats here. I ask the mom regarding allergies ect and get told "the girl is not fussy - likes food" all well and good.
I buy and plan to make pasta carbonara with corn hobbs (a favourite dish with my dds).
9am this morning get a txt from the mom "oh btw you do know that girl is vegan?" ... Nope did not know that Shock
So spend my break and inbetween time at work searching for vegan recipes for kids... Hurried out after work to shop vegan stuff and managed to make falafel in lettuces burgers with fries. Was actually quite proud of myself for pulling it off (not a confident chef). Dad turns up and it turns out that the family only eats fries for birthdays Confused ... No received a txt from me asking me to plz remember that the family do not eat any processed food and that she prefers me to not serve the unhealthy food we normally eat for her girl? Shock
What the heck do I answer back to that? Confused

OP posts:
proseccoandbooks · 10/07/2019 09:40

I'm getting flamed for this. But how unfair is to force your child to be vegan rather than let them make their own life choices. So sad.

VivienneHolt · 10/07/2019 09:41

How fucking rude! I could forgive them forgetting to tell you she was vegan, but the comments about unhealthy food are just terrible manners on their part. I wouldn’t bother replying but I wouldn’t have the kid round for dinner again either.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 09:51

“But how unfair is to force your child to be vegan rather than let them make their own life choices. ”
Grin Children generally make the same life choices as their families. That’s sort of how it works!

TapasForTwo · 10/07/2019 09:58

I don't think it is fair to punish both children because the vegan parents have been so rude and unreasonable. The options are:

Avoid mealtimes
Ask the parents to provide food
Offer beans on toast or vegan pasta with tomato sauce

But please allow the children to play together if that is what they both want.

Beamur · 10/07/2019 09:59

I wouldn't bother replying. The woman has no self awareness of how rude she is being.
If your DD enjoys the friendship of this child then no reason why they can't continue to play. But maybe avoid mealtimes and just offer fruit or veg and snacks.
Expecting you to shop in their preferred stores is outrageous.

wotsittoyou · 10/07/2019 10:10

What a shame for this little girl. It doesn't matter how lovely and beautifully behaved she is, her mum is in the background scuppering her chances of friendships outside school by being an arsehole.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 10:11

“ her mum is in the background scuppering her chances of friendships outside school by being an arsehole.”
Well, only if the other parents are arseholes too......

wotsittoyou · 10/07/2019 10:18

BertrandRussell, not necessarily. There are plenty of non-arseholey people who would invite this child over less because they have real problems and, sensibly, try to avoid completely unnecessary aggro like this.

MarshaBradyo · 10/07/2019 10:19

Unbelievable! Does she think you’re her childminder

I wouldn’t get into it and swerve from now on

Luxplus · 10/07/2019 10:33

@TapasForTwo I have no intention of not letting the girls play together. That's the reason why I asked on here how to go about her answer and several times mentioned that the girl was both well behaved and sweet... But I still do think the mom could have let me know earlier that they were vegan and only eat whole food. And I think it's a bit rude to complain about some fries you kid got served at a playday.

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 10/07/2019 11:11

got an reply from the mom saying that she'll make sure to let me know in the future the food I can make for her girl and which stores to get it

Dear Weirdo, there must have been some kind of mix up, as I do not run a restaurant or a catering service. If there is really nothing in my household girl is allowed to eat, please send a packed lunch.

TapasForTwo · 10/07/2019 11:13

Luxplus that was aimed at the posters who said don't have this girl at your house again. You sound lovely and accommodating.

I'll bring the wine next time you make falafel Grin

StCharlotte · 10/07/2019 11:13

Until this thread, I couldn't imagine the MN standard "did you mean to be so rude" ever being appropriate for use in the real world but I think even I might have pulled it out for this one!

Wanders off to google out why anyone in their right mind [without an allergy] would refuse garlic...

CecilyP · 10/07/2019 11:54

there must have been some kind of mix up, as I do not run a restaurant or a catering service. If there is really nothing in my household girl is allowed to eat, please send a packed lunch.

Perfect response!

Luxplus · 10/07/2019 11:54

@BertrandRussell I try my best not to be an arsehole parent Grin ... But I do think the mom should understand that it's not a black and white thing where you are only eating healthy if you are a vegan and only eat wholefood. I try my best as a non confident cook to make healthy kids food both when there's ekstra kids to feed and in general.

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 10/07/2019 12:05

DD is vegetarian and does Veganuary every year. She is puts on weight every January because she eats too many carbs and not enough protein. A vegan diet can be very healthy, but can also be extremely unhealthy.

HugsAreMyDrugs · 10/07/2019 12:22

Probably @chipsnmayo. However that doesn't mean you have to oblige Wink.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2019 12:24

Absolutely, Lux. She sounds like a dick and you handled it brilliantly. The arsehole parents are the ones who would not invite the child again - punishing the child for her “choice” of mother!

MilenaMay · 10/07/2019 12:33

I would text back 'sorry I thought it was only animal products that was the problem'.

Then I would not text again or invite again. I would stay polite though and continue to make small talk, just find excuses if the topic of play dates come up. Life is too short and I'm sure your dd can find other friends for play dates.

But I guess you are a bigger person than I as I've seen your reply!

I hope all goes well but I think sometimes when people are this controlling over food they have inclinations to become controlling over other issues. And do you really want to invite these issues into your lives?

ineedaknittedhat · 10/07/2019 12:33

Just give her a lettuce leaf if she comes over again - making sure there's no bugs on it of course.

Newschapter · 10/07/2019 12:41

When my son was at primary school I asked his friend's mum what he would eat on a play date.

She said he ate very generic food. I took that to mean he eats a broad range of foods.

When he arrived I asked him if he likes chicken and he said yes, loved it. So I made potatoes, veg and pan friend chicken.

He asked for more and ate a lot of it which I was delighted about.

I dropped him home and said he ate a great dinner and had ice cream after. I didn't specify what he had eaten.

When I got him dh (who had been working outside during dinner time) asked how we'd got on and asked if the kids had a different meal to what we were having.

I said no, they ate the same and I'd left the little boy home (they were about 10).

Dh said "but he's a vegetarian. Did you make him Quorn?"

I said he's not a vegetarian, his mum said he ate very generic food... No, she had said he ate vegetarian food...

I messaged the mum apologizing profusely, I was so badly done about it, she sent back a text saying he's old enough to know what he's eating and he's ate sausages at a friend's house before so don't worry about it.... But I could never look her in the eye again.

And she was a teacher at the DSs school!!

Newschapter · 10/07/2019 12:42

when I got home

TapasForTwo · 10/07/2019 12:50

And so the arseholery comments keep coming in Hmm

I don't understand why the child being vegan is an issue. Either don't feed her, don't have her round over meal times or give her easy vegan food. Stopping playdates or just giving lettuce is just mean.

kateluvscats · 10/07/2019 12:52

Tell her to eff off

RhiWrites · 10/07/2019 12:56

How dismal to only get fries once a year on your birthday.

No problem with veganism or whole foods but I boggle at the rule against fries.