That if you kid is vegan you don't withhold that information till 6 hours before the playday?

[Luxplus]

Sunday a girls mom from nusery txt me and wants to plan playday for today with dd1. All well, arrange that I pick the girls up at 2.30pm after I get off work and the girl eats here. I ask the mom regarding allergies ect and get told "the girl is not fussy - likes food" all well and good.
I buy and plan to make pasta carbonara with corn hobbs (a favourite dish with my dds).
9am this morning get a txt from the mom "oh btw you do know that girl is vegan?" ... Nope did not know that
So spend my break and inbetween time at work searching for vegan recipes for kids... Hurried out after work to shop vegan stuff and managed to make falafel in lettuces burgers with fries. Was actually quite proud of myself for pulling it off (not a confident chef). Dad turns up and it turns out that the family only eats fries for birthdays ... No received a txt from me asking me to plz remember that the family do not eat any processed food and that she prefers me to not serve the unhealthy food we normally eat for her girl?
What the heck do I answer back to that?

The difficulty is that you only advised me that your dd was vegan hours prior to the playdate. Perhaps a useful tip for you in future would be to let parents know in good time? That way, they can prepare the sort of healthy, nourishing meal I'm sure we all prefer our children to eat, instead of having to cobble something together in haste.

For the record, a falafel in bread with lettuce sounds perfectly fine, and so do fries, for children. They need fat and carbs in a way adults don't. They're growing at the rate of knots. She's behaving as though you gave her little angel a Macdonalds.

Give her beans on toast next time. Assure the mother that the beans were, naturally, Mr Organic, and the toast home-baked from hemp.

OP I totally understood what your concern was and I haven’t seen anything in any of your posts that’s vegan-bashing in the slightest. It is just the MN way that unfortunately the word “vegan” can act as a red flag to some. Rudeness is rudeness and to their credit most if not all of the vegans who have replied to your OP agree that the play date mum was exceptionally rude.

They are CFs!!!

You sound so patient and understanding, @Luxplus, the little girl is so lucky you're the mum of her playdate friend!!!

Sounds like my sister in law. She’s fallen out with the in laws as they don’t get the right organic food for children and they gave one of the kids an ice cream. They are all a bit hypocritical though as they themselves give the kids ice cream, eat out in non organic restaurants. I think you did a fab job. Rude of parents to criticise the chips.

OP YANBU. As with any dietary requirement.

Tell her to pop in with a packed meal for her daughter.

I stopped inviting some of my children’s friends over. I support people being vegetarian, vegan and all, but some kids’ ‘diets’ change weekly it seems. A boy who made a fuss about being pescatarian at my house didn’t mind getting stuffed with a proper beef burger at a school fair two weeks later.

There are some parents who prepare packed lunches for their gluten-free diet kids for parties and playdates - fair enough!

OP - you haven’t really explained how this all came about. Are you being taken advantage of? Did she ask you to look after her daughter or did you offer? Yes she suggested it, but why was it at your house? Is it not her turn next time?

Tell her how u had rushed around on your break to try and accommodate for her. What a cheeky family. I would also tell her that next time you should meet in a play area so your not having to feed her. I can't believe how cheeky some people can be 🙄

I verge on being pathetically grateful if someone invites my DC round for a playdate. I am open mouthed at how rude and expecting other parents are.

Feed my DC anything! I cook balanced meals from scrath pretty much every day (not a boast, just relevant) so if a pizza hut or even a dinner of hotdogs or similar is given, I would never say anything negative. In the grand scheme of it all, it wouldn't matter. I'd thank profusely and offer to return the favour when convenient for us both.

I would like someone to tell me what kind of starchy staple is less processed than chips. Take vegetable, slice, drop into hot oil, remove. The only thing less processed is a baked/boiled potato. Or, I suppose, a raw potato, if you're so inclined. Certainly massively less processed than pasta.

@Upanddownandroundagain in nusery a list of all parents numbers are on display in order to arrange playdays and similar.
The mom txt sunday asking if her girl could play at our house Tuesday due to her wanted to come with dd1 home. I txt back saying that was fine with us. I could pick up at 2.30 pm after work and if her daughter wanted to stay for dinner. She txt back and says yes plz. I then ask if there's any dietary conditions I should be aware off and get a reply just saying girl is not fussy.
Tuesday morning around 9 am I then get a txt from the mom "btw you are aware that daughter is vegan"
I don't feel taken advantage of at all and the mom has already suggested a playday at theirs during the summer holiday...

how unfair is to force your child to be vegan rather than let them make their own life choices

With DS2, I pointed to a (live) sheep and said “DS eat it?”

He laughed and said “No, no eat it! Eat biscuit!”

Seems clear enough to me!

Those parents will struggle and have to make compromises as their kids get older and play dates and parties get more and more common. It’s one thing to have allergies and to be veggie/vegan etc but to nit pick what another person is feeding your child when they are looking after them especially in a situation with little to no notice? Ridiculous and rude.

I actually once had a mum tell me she was disappointed that I fed the kids chicken nuggets and chips and could I not do that again please because they don’t eat ready processed foods. I felt extra smug when I informed her that we don’t have it at home either and the chips were gone made carrot chips and the chicken nuggets were chicken breasts I’d cut up and breaded and baked myself with no added nasties. Don’t get me wrong my kids eat junk, just not in the house. I figured that was the easiest way to maintain healthy every day balance with enjoying the occasionally unhealthy treat.

I verge on being pathetically grateful if someone invites my DC round for a playdate. I am open mouthed at how rude and expecting other parents are.

I completely agree with this. Whatever happened to being grateful and pleased with what you are offered, i.e. good manners?

As the mother of a small child with genuine food intolerances (which are a total ballache, and not something I would choose in a million years), I always make sure I offer to take food on any visits. When the host assures me that isn’t necessary, I wouldn’t dream of turning my nose up at anything offered, regardless of whether it’s something I would serve up at home. As I ensure I provide an overall healthy diet for my DD, I can relax when out and about if the odd processed bit of food pops up. I realise it can be difficult to come up with options when the menu is restricted. The idea that I might pick and choose, and attempt to dictate actual specific food items and where they are bought, when somebody else is buying them, is mind boggling.

I’m agog at the mother’s overweening sense of entitlement. OP, fair play to you for remaining happy to have the little girl round for play dates. Poor little thing will have her social life scuppered by her pompous arse of a mother.

When did people get so fussy about food, and start assuming that their awkward dietary choices need to be accommodated by everyone else?

I’m vegetarian and have been for a long time. Any time I eat with someone new, I tell them in advance that I’m vegetarian. I can eat eggs, milk and vegetarian cheese but no fish or chicken. I would never just spring it on them.

People aren’t mind-readers. The mum needs to tell people sooner.

The dietary restriction is irrelevant here.

The problems are being caused by the lack/poor manner of communication.

@Summertimeatthebeach
Not the same. Sometimes it’s really encouraging and exciting when your child with autism is invited anywhere. This is usually because the host doesn’t know about it. Then you’re torn as to whether you explain and to what degree, lest the invitation be withdrawn. True story!

Give the child a plate of fruit . Or hummus and veg sticks

Vegan, superior, demanding, entitled, judgmental . Why do these words so often appear in the same sentence?🧐

“Vegan, superior, demanding, entitled, judgmenta . Why do these words so often appear in the same sentence?”

Well, sometimes it’s because a vegan is superior, demanding, entitled and/or judgemental. What with them being human beings and just as likely to be arseholes as non vegans.

Usually, however, it’s because non vegans are being ignorant and/or judgemental. And, bizarrely, as evidenced lots of times on this thread, actually vindictive.

I personally think she's plain rude, and I wouldn't even dignify her text with an answer.

Aww I'm sorry that happened to you OP. But please don't punish the child for the parents' behaviour, if they play well together please don't cancel future playdates.
My family are vegan, and I totally agree that they should have told you first thing! And give you guidance on what the child likes, otherwise it's very difficult (my DC don't like falafel, for example; I love it!). Once you get info from them on just one meal that is suitable, you can just do that for child anytime they come over. There are lots of vegan foods that don't take much time to make - Morissons burgers, LindaMcCartney or Quorn vegan sausages, Quorn vegan nuggets. Though the family in your scenario seem to have "extra" requirements, which adds another dimension. Perhaps they could send a meal with the child?
Please don't hold this against the child, or all vegans, most of us are nice I promise!

Heinz’s beans on toast next time , I’m sure that’s a vegan meal ,
I wouldn’t be rushing with the next time tho , parents seem far to much hard work

@QueSera

Those are all processed foods though, which the mother is against.

If the mother was polite about it, she could have made some suggestions of recipes her daughter likes. The mother is pretty rude though.