That if you kid is vegan you don't withhold that information till 6 hours before the playday?

[Luxplus]

Sunday a girls mom from nusery txt me and wants to plan playday for today with dd1. All well, arrange that I pick the girls up at 2.30pm after I get off work and the girl eats here. I ask the mom regarding allergies ect and get told "the girl is not fussy - likes food" all well and good.
I buy and plan to make pasta carbonara with corn hobbs (a favourite dish with my dds).
9am this morning get a txt from the mom "oh btw you do know that girl is vegan?" ... Nope did not know that
So spend my break and inbetween time at work searching for vegan recipes for kids... Hurried out after work to shop vegan stuff and managed to make falafel in lettuces burgers with fries. Was actually quite proud of myself for pulling it off (not a confident chef). Dad turns up and it turns out that the family only eats fries for birthdays ... No received a txt from me asking me to plz remember that the family do not eat any processed food and that she prefers me to not serve the unhealthy food we normally eat for her girl?
What the heck do I answer back to that?

Honestly, OP, you totally missed the your chance to avoid hosting playdates but still allowing the girls to see each other. You should just have texted back something along the lines of "As suitable food is such an issue for your DD it would be best if you hosted the playdates in future so you can monitor her meals."

Magic mushrooms with a whisky chaser , as per TwistyTop has downright made me laugh.

Yeah that's out of order. My 3 year old is vegan and I dont usually mention it at play dates but if a parent asks about dietary requirements then of course I'll say!

Can I go on a play date and have magic mushrooms with a whisky chaser?

Resisting the temptation to point out that her kid is probably going to have a totally f*d up relationship with food will be tricky. I Really struggle to understand mums who demonise food like this. It’s a few chips, not radioactive waste. And on a play date which is an irregular occurrence. I almost always do processed kiddy food on play dates for a treat and because you want to make sure the guest will eat it. I’d ignore but I wouldn’t be issuing another invite.

Don’t penalise children for obnoxious mother. Text ma and say you care too much about getting it right to feed her child, perhaps she could send a packed lunch. Tell her also that food will not be an issue when your child visits, because you try and teacher her to have the manners to accept gratefully what is in offer!!!!

Id reply I apolohise if my choice of food offends you, in our household we normally provide a nice healthy nutricious meal, but as you informed us "girl" was vegan last minute we had very limited time to prepare and very limited choice of nutrition to work with, we feel that my children benefit from an even balance of protein, dairy, starch and vegtables and in this situation I qas unable to do that so needed to adapt to ensure the rest of us were provided witha meal that we couldfeel was fillibg and nutricious without leaving "girl" out, please feel free to provide "girl" with a suitable packed lunch on the next play date and Ill just cook for us thanks.

Surely they run the risk of the kid going batshit crazy if she’s ever allowed to a birthday party? Imagine a few years later when she turns up with her paper bag of “wholesome” nutrition - someone will slip her a free party ring, before you know it she’ll be a Sugar-Smacks head...

Realised I’m showing my age sugar smacks haven’t existed since the 80s...

I had a friend with similar problem when inviting the whole form over to the house for son’s 6th birthday party. A mother rang her a couple of hours before to ask for a complete list of all the food that was to be consumed as there were many items that she might deem unsuitable/ allergies etc. After about 20 minutes of reeling everything off that she could bring to mind, when she should have been preparing venue, party bags having a nervous breakdown with the thought of 24 kids hurtling round their house and garden! The telephoning mother then started to complain about various food items..... my friend said “Look, just don’t come” eeeek!

Tell the parents to bring the child's food with her.

@Ilfie that's a shocking behaviour from the mom

Play dates that don't involve food!

Can understand the vegan bit … that's their choice but to restrict other stuff because they only eat it on birthdays is being a bit precious as far as I'm concerned!

I would give the a McDonald’s. It will be the best play date she has ever had. Sounds like she desperately needs one to me.

Just that you weren't aware of the food restrictions and for next playday dear child should come with a packed lunch etc. Or, no more playdays with that child.

Shame some on this thread have used it as a vegan-bashing opportunity when the fact of the veganism is not the issue - it is the sense of entitlement by the girl’s mum in assuming the generous host of her child would follow her catering “rules” without having been told in advance what they were, and then having learned a ”mistake” was made, assumed the host would be happy to receive onerous instructions to prevent the “mistake” happening again.

I’m not vegan and even if I were I don’t think it’s a healthy diet for kids and my DCs wouldn’t be themselves. But that is my decision. This mum was perfectly entitled to raise her DD vegan, but if she wants this DD to get and keep friends she needs to understand and appreciate efforts to respect and accommodate a catering style that very little of the population follows.

This happened to me once with a vegetarian because I didn’t manage a soup for first course! It didn’t happen again. Absolute ungrateful CF.

How rude. If she's that high maintenance, she should have provided food. I suspect this is the first playdate. It was particularly rude of the father to mention about the fries. They both sound unaware of how to take part in social interaction.

I'm vegan and I always offer to just bring my own food. If I had vegan children I would offer the same. And if someone does want to cook for me I'll be very appreciative and happily eat whatever it is so long as it's vegan... I'd have been delighted with what you cooked. Not all vegans are selfish jerks!

Just to query the whole 'chips aren't whole food' thing...

They are if they're done right. Potatoes, bit of fat, apply heat, jobs a goodun.

@mommybunny it was not my intention at all to start at vegan bashing thread. I have nothing against anybody choosing to be vegan. I was mainly put out by the lateness of providing the information and that I felt the mom criticized me for serving fries and in general living an unhealthy lifestyle...

@Luxplus
After her reply of the recipes & the stores where you can buy the ingredients, just no - absolutely not. When you reply tomorrow, tell her you have a family and a job and a home to keep and there simply isn’t time in YOUR life for that - and that perhaps the best (and safest after all) would be for her to do a pack up for her kid from now on. Then you’ll do one for yours and they can have a picnic. Voila - you’re off the hook.

Yes, think we were all a bit shocked as most of us were happy to bite the bullet! She is a pretty amazing high profile person who doesn’t take prisoners- but you’re right, I wouldn’t have gone down that road!

@NotJustACigar I don't think all vegans are jerks. I don't even think the mom and dad is, I just think they are very much living this lifestyle and forgetting that some of us aren't. And I think the girls is their only kid so perhaps they are "new" to sending her out to strangers. If they'll let their daughter come for playdays still, then she'll be welcome here and with the compromise of them bringing food and us just supplying veggies and fruit I'm sure it will go better.

YANBU, she is a CF of the highest order.

Just send her a smiley emoji and say no problem, your DD can bring a packed lunch next time and please be aware when my DD visits you for her return playdate she doesn't eat Vegan food as it's not to her taste and I believe it's not in the best interests of her health.