That if you kid is vegan you don't withhold that information till 6 hours before the playday?

[Luxplus]

Sunday a girls mom from nusery txt me and wants to plan playday for today with dd1. All well, arrange that I pick the girls up at 2.30pm after I get off work and the girl eats here. I ask the mom regarding allergies ect and get told "the girl is not fussy - likes food" all well and good.
I buy and plan to make pasta carbonara with corn hobbs (a favourite dish with my dds).
9am this morning get a txt from the mom "oh btw you do know that girl is vegan?" ... Nope did not know that
So spend my break and inbetween time at work searching for vegan recipes for kids... Hurried out after work to shop vegan stuff and managed to make falafel in lettuces burgers with fries. Was actually quite proud of myself for pulling it off (not a confident chef). Dad turns up and it turns out that the family only eats fries for birthdays ... No received a txt from me asking me to plz remember that the family do not eat any processed food and that she prefers me to not serve the unhealthy food we normally eat for her girl?
What the heck do I answer back to that?

I don't understand why the child being vegan is an issue.

That isn’t the issue! OP was originally told the girl was not fussy from which she assumed she would eat anything. After she went to the trouble of making a vegan meal at short notice, this still wasn’t good enough. Followed by the offer of advice on specific shops it is all too much!

The mother is clearly a dick.

It would be very wrong to take it out on the child, though. Depressing that some would.

My vegi ds once ate corned beef pie at a neighbor's house. Neighbour was Mortified, I just laughed and ds declared he hated onions!!
And he wasn't having tea as such, just happened to be some and he was offered!
No biggie.

The woman here sounds unhinged!!
Next time check if her dc has leather shoes!

Good God. These parents are a pain!

Sounds like a sensible arrangement going forward OP. I am glad you have decided not to stop the little girl from coming to play despite the many suggestion that you do.

I am surprised tbh how many people have been nasty about vegans, won’t make ‘special’ or ‘fancy’ food or said they would not allow the child to play!

Vegan food can be cheap and easy. I think the falafels and fries was a good choice OP. Good on you for making the effort.

The mum sounds bonkers. Being vegan is fair enough though she should have told you at the outset. Saying no processed food is a bit much even if they avoid it at home.

As a rule, when people say no processed food, they usually still eat ‘lightly proceesed’ food such as bread, rice, pasta, tinned tomatoes etc. Just not the jars of sauce or ready meal level of processed.

For future ref the pasta and corn on the cob are a great start to a vegan meal. You just need another sauce. Tinned tomatoes, onion, garlic and mushrooms is my staple (though lots of kids don’t like mushrooms). You can get free from pesto or stir in sauces that are vegan. Chuck in peas/seeetcorn or any veg.

Otherwise beans on toast or jacket or potato waffles, add a bit of broccoli or salad on the side. Job done.

This may happen again so having a couple of ideas won’t hurt.

I wouldn't stress myself out catering vegan only stuff when the parents don't have enough manners to let you know - even when you asked.
She can send a packed lunch on all future playdates, if not then the kid can eat whatever your kids are eating.
A bit of non-vegan food won't kill her.

How much do you want to bet your kids get forced to eat vegan stuff at her house because she will point blank refuse to accommodate their dietary preferences^?
I bet she won't even allow non-vegan/meat stuff to enter her house......

“How much do you want to bet your kids get forced to eat vegan stuff at her house because she will point blank refuse to accommodate their dietary preferences^?”
Someone always comes out with this particularly wankerish point.

I bet she won't even allow non-vegan/meat stuff to enter her house......

Seems reasonable to me.

Ask her to provide food for her child? Surely it’s a reasonable request especially as she was not forth coming with the dietary requirements 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm struggling to get my head around the comment about people eating nightshades.
What kind of people is that poster mixing with?

I hope all goes well but I think sometimes when people are this controlling over food they have inclinations to become controlling over other issues. And do you really want to invite these issues into your lives?

This would be my fear too.

All well and good saying don't stop the girls playing together but this mum is not behaving normally. Where does it go next?

Someone always comes out with this particularly wankerish point
Hardly wankerish.....but then i suppose you're pone of those people who think the world should revolve around them because they are so morally superior to everyone else......

It is completely wankerish to suggest that vegans should provide meat for non vegans as if being a meat eater is somehow an ethical or religious requirement that vegans should accommodate. For the hard of thinking- non vegans can eat vegan food. Vegans can not eat non vegan food.

I agree - there is no known reason why a vegan should have to provide non-vegan food for anyone visiting their house. Going without animal products for a couple of hours is almost certainly not going to be a problem for anyone.

Toddler has a dairy allergy, so I went vegan in solidarity with her Plus it’s the easiest way for me to guarantee there’s no dairy.

ExDP is a Raw Vegan (I could not last long eating like he does, nor do I have the time to faff like that and fuck me I love Oreos) but the DC I have with him eat whatever they choose to eat. At Grandparents they’re fed meat, here it’s Quorn, ExDP will very occasionally order them pizza or take them to McDonalds.

In regards to play dates, some of my friends love whipping up elaborate vegan food for us, some will stick with my suggestions of just give me beans on toast plz it’s the food of the Gods anyway

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Jains won't eat root veg, onion or garlic, because to do so involves killing the whole plant. It's popular enough near where I live that some Indian takeaways mark on the menu which dishes are onion and garlic free

Some Ayurvedic diets exclude onion and garlic too.

All the more garlic for me

“i suppose you're pone of those people who think the world should revolve around them because they are so morally superior to everyone else......”

No, i’m not I happily eat vegan food if that’s what’s served to me.

The issue isn't with the vegan diet here (though it's thoughtless of the mum not to have told you earlier) but it's the mum's attitude about not having fries, processed foods and thinking it's in any way ok to tell you what shops to buy the food from.

That's on another level altogether. Who thinks that this is an ok way to behave? It's not the fact that the child is vegan that's a problem it's that her mother appears to think that the world revolves around them and the ops role is to cater for their every need.

I'm struggling to get my head around the comment about people eating nightshades.
What kind of people is that poster mixing with?

I can imagine that you were picturing people unable to eat heavy curtains! Nightshades are a family of plant including onions, white potatoes, tomatoes, aubergine, and peppers.

Hope you took her to Macdonalds for bean burger, fries and a huge pot of coke. Poor girl sounds like she could use a treat.

When DD was 4 someone dropped their dd and her birthday party. I'd asked about allergies etc. in the invite and a couple of parents let me know and one sent own food. When the children had all sat dow to eat I notice a voice mail from said mum left about 40 minutes into a 2 hour party.

" Jist so you know My dd is allergic to wheat, eggs and dairy and shes vegetarian."

OMG... race to table to find her dd tucking into fairy cakes and sausage rolls. I whisked the poor girls plate away and provided her with tuna salad left over from previous days dinner and mango sorbet which fortunately Id bought accident instead of ice cream a few weeks before ( about all I could manage at notice). Phomed the mum left her a message to let her know.and spent the whole of the rest of the party monitoring the girl who amazingly and very thankfully seemed to suffer no ill effects. Still see her occasionally now and my blood pressure rises as I remember I came so close to killing her

Tuna isn't vegetarian.

@TapasForTwo thats also my thought, that being vegan does not equal being healthy necessarily. But think its cool of your daughter to be vegan in January

@BertrandRussell thanks

list so is the girl actually allergic if she managed to stuff her face with all those foods without any ill effects?

For the hard of thinking- non vegans can eat vegan food. Vegans can not eat non vegan food
For the extra hard of thinking - vegans CAN eat non-vegan food, they just CHOOSE not to!

@CecilyP thanks for the perfect summary
@Purplejay I'll happily try my best to cater for any allergies, vegans, veggies and so on and thanks for the suggestions
regarding food. I will definitely save them
@SavingSpaces2019 I think it would be great for dd1 to try some vegan food. And she definitely do not need to eat meat at every meal( and we don't actually eat meat at every meal at home)
But I think that some vegans can get really sick eating meat products and I would feel horrible if a little girl got sick from my food...
@LauraMipsum wow never ever heard of that before. Off to googling that - very interesting thank you