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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to clean manically for SIL visit

219 replies

user87382294757 · 09/07/2019 12:47

DH's sister is coming to visit with the DC and DH is panicking - saying we need to clean everything perfectly and even replace an old carpet which seems a bit OTT. SIL has a kind of OCD and whenever comes to visit seems to mean lots of cleaning and getting everything perfect for her or else she gets very upset and disappointed.

I mean yes I would definitely clean and tidy up but not to an obsessively neat and clean state and do things like replace carpets! Also things like replacing grouting on the bathroom and shower curtains etc.

Also I think DH invited his SIL so he should therefore be involved in this even though he works a lot - he is self employed so can be flexible- and not leave all this to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 25/07/2019 20:59

There are other close relatives with plenty of room nearby also, so it would be fine. Don't get the fuss...they all have some kind of family OCD I think about it.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 25/07/2019 21:00

Replace the carpet? For real? Does he realize how completely batshit that is? Has he actually stopped to think that this is not normal?

Original poster
user87382294757 · 25/07/2019 21:03

Well it does need replacing to be honest, it is threadbare in places. I would just cover it up with a rug though.

OP posts:
Original poster
user87382294757 · 25/07/2019 21:04

he thinks it is totally normal. His parents were also saying we would need to replace it (but then they painted their floors before a visit once)

OP posts:
FiddlesticksAkimbo · 25/07/2019 21:04

Well it does need replacing to be honest, it is threadbare in places. I would just cover it up with a rug though.

Does it harbour fleas? Hmm

Butterymuffin · 25/07/2019 21:09

If he doesn't think it's good enough, he can roll up his sleeves and sort that himself. Tell him that's the situation.

Cherrysoup · 25/07/2019 21:12

To be fair, I once reddened the step before my parents came, it should be red but was mostly grey 😱 I also re-painted a corridor because the dogs shake and it was filthy, but it needed doing and I was on h olidah so had time. Normally, people get clean bedclothes and a clear floor. (Spare room is my dressing room)

Hearthside · 25/07/2019 21:17

No , no and no again .I would not be pandering to her op not a chance .So what if your carpet is threadbare, does it affect you in any way , nope it"s aesthetic. It like my house and my DS .Hers is always spotless , mine you will prob find some dust if you look for it .But my worktops are always clean , my loo etc and DC's always clean and tidy just not as house proud as my DS .Does that bother her , not one jot she happily come round for a cuppa .My answer Airbnb i wouldn't entertain her at all .

CathyorClaire · 25/07/2019 21:24

Let him tell her she can't come. Crisis of his own making sorted.

NoSquirrels · 25/07/2019 21:31

It’s win-win, though, isn’t it?

If it’s so bad she can’t come someone else can host - less hassle.

Or if he’s motivated to change the carpets and deep clean then you get an upgraded house with no effort on your part.

Win-win. Grin

SudowoodoVoodoo · 25/07/2019 21:46

This sounds somewhat familiar although not to the extent of DIY/ replacing furnishings, but DH does like it to look like an impersonal, clutter-free show home in most rooms when his family are coming. He does also muck in and work fairly at it. If he didn't, no bloody way would it happen.

It can be a fucking PITA, but on the other hand, it is useful to have a deep clean and decluttering session every few months as I'm not a natural housekeeper which is why I grudgingly play along with a generous measure of muttering and the occasional rant. His family aren't exacting or rude although certain members have an unnatural knack for tidiness and order which will always evade me. Besides, I can't cope with the echo from bare surfaces and hard floors. Clutter is much better for the acoustics Wink

shieldmaidenofrohan · 25/07/2019 21:49

Unless your SIL is sleeping in the oven tell him to fuck off.

doskant · 25/07/2019 21:56

I used to do this for the in-laws given my husband and MIL liked to try to convince me my cleaning wasn’t up to scratch (it is).

I don’t now.

Whatever you do will never be good enough, OP. Clean your house as you ordinarily would and to a level that suits you. If your DH wants to tie himself in knots to appease an ungrateful guest let him go to the great lengths. And if she complains tell her to bring it up with him.

Knittedjimmychoos · 25/07/2019 22:04

Say to your dh, darling I'm not going to fire up your neuroses any more by pandering to this madness... No, I'm not cleaning any more than I would for any usual visitor.

I'm also happy to ignore mess, only twice have I gagged, once when opening friends fridge full of ll mouldy cheese and mouldy cat food. Second time on discovering dead mouse under pile clothes. Smile

Love the 'exposure to herd of bio flora' Grin

HollowTalk · 25/07/2019 22:22

If he wants it to be cleaner he either has to do it himself or pay for a deep clean. Either would be fine by me.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 26/07/2019 06:26

He seems confused that I am not that concerned about this. I guess he has grown up with sisters and mother like it and that is what he is used to. He wants to go away before the visit and now will not have as much time for that due to this cleaning etc. Due to the visit he arranged and now heads to deal with. Will do my best to not join in with the stressing. I am already stressed about about the idea of more children for a week and hosting, feeding, entertaining etc. (made sure he will be off work which he says he will). A whole week! (we have a small place also)

When my own family come to visit I tell them to get an airbnb or a bnb due to space...so that is grating a bit also. I do my best to dal with my family without impacting him, but with his we seem to revolve around them, for some reason.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 26/07/2019 06:35

Stand your ground here, op - you are doing well! Star

Original poster
user87382294757 · 26/07/2019 06:40

I have a feeling I know what is coming next. We had kind of planned to go away next week, before the visit but now as this all needs done (I have not booked a person to visit to plan the new carpet and grout is all being changed int he bathroom etc) we probably won't be able to go. :-(

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 26/07/2019 06:46

So long as it's your husband who is doing all the nonsensical stuff and not you.
Do not overclean or anything at all!!

You are doing well not to get dragged into it Smile.

Can you explain to your husband that you feel it is rather unfair that not only are you being kind to even host his sister (for a week??) but now you might miss a holiday away because of her? That sounds really unfair.

Keep strong. Keep posting!

Abhann · 26/07/2019 06:49

Hang on, you’re missing a holiday because of your DH pandering to Housekeeping Princess?

Elle2019 · 26/07/2019 06:50

Op...Has she been actually diagnosed with OCD from a doctor?

OliviaBenson · 26/07/2019 06:56

I'd put my foot down and say that you are still going away.

I'd be cancelling their visit before your holiday.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 26/07/2019 06:57

No diagnosis, no...it seems normalised in this family as they all seem similar. I thought it was me but don't think so after this post.

Another thing I am worried about is the children visiting are much younger. I have already offered to mind them when she goes to visit friends on the first day, but worried about my children stuff not being suitable- small parts and stuff. (mine are early teens) need to pack it all away I guess. Last time we met she was going on about batteries and how a tiny one would kill her DC and stuff. The button ones. If they ate it. So now I am worried about stuff like that. Mine love gadgets / things with small parts. Not easy

OP posts:
Abhann · 26/07/2019 06:58

@Elle2019, no she hasn’t. Apparently it’s one of those Family Diagnoses.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 26/07/2019 06:58

We can't cancel as it is already confirmed and they have booked tickets. MIL did say if it gets too much they can come to them instead though.

OP posts: