Not to clean manically for SIL visit

[user87382294757]

DH's sister is coming to visit with the DC and DH is panicking - saying we need to clean everything perfectly and even replace an old carpet which seems a bit OTT. SIL has a kind of OCD and whenever comes to visit seems to mean lots of cleaning and getting everything perfect for her or else she gets very upset and disappointed.

I mean yes I would definitely clean and tidy up but not to an obsessively neat and clean state and do things like replace carpets! Also things like replacing grouting on the bathroom and shower curtains etc.

Also I think DH invited his SIL so he should therefore be involved in this even though he works a lot - he is self employed so can be flexible- and not leave all this to me.

I’ve never seen a 100% unanimous vote before! YANBU. He should do all the planning and hosting.

You have a DH problem!!

Good God! Does he want the carpet to be replaced with a red one for her highness! 👸

I agree with Wishing. Quietly withdraw for as much of the visit as possible and leave the dysfunctional pair of them to get on with it.

Omg, better idea. Don’t clean at all before her arrival, tell her it’s a present for her and just show her where cleaning supplies are kept before you take all DC to a park/swimming/play mini golf etc

If she’s truly unable to deal with other people’s houses in their usual ready-for-normal-family-guests state then she should stay elsewhere.

Don’t let SIL make her problem your problem. Don’t let DH make SIL’s problem your problem.

Stay well out of it!

But some lovely cleaning products and when she gets there take the dc out for her and let her get it up to her standards

WT actual F. She sounds mad.

Sod that for a game of monkeys.

This is ridiculous.

I don't clean for guests - I have a house that suits my family and my own taste, why should anyone make effort for a visitor but not for the people who live there?

it 'drives her mad' if there is clutter and any mess.
it drives me mad to, but only in my house. As a visitor, if your house is not up to her standards, she can book into a hotel.

I will make sure she has a nice and fresh guest room, like anyone else in my house, but I wouldn't lift a finger for her!

Surely this is the sort of cleaning you should do AFTER people with dc have stayed over for a week?

Well, if it's an excuse to get your pandering DH to do some deep cleaning for you or lay that new carpet you had your eye on then why not? However, if SIL via DH is creating a massive list of tasks prior to her state visit you need to say 'jog on'. She can't realistically expect everywhere she goes to meet her OCD standards of order and cleanliness.

Yanbu.
I / we do certain things when visitors come (like rearrange chairs so there is enough seating, clean the floor very well as we have kids visit who can't walk and their wheelchairs don't fit inside) but although I like it when dh makes the house nice for those of us who live here, I'm not grateful when he cleans for the in-laws. I'd help out with whatever you usually do for visitors (clear the crafts away from the eating area, bleach the loo, whatever) but don't do anything above what you feel is normal and reasonable.

Wow, I’ve never seen such a unanimous result.

Of course you want your place to look nice, be inviting for guests, just do what suits you and your budget.
It’s your home, she is the guest, she can’t get that upset if you have a clean and tidy-ish home.

She can like it or lump it, if she has 'OCD', not even convinced that's real, that's her problem not yours. I would be tempted to do less than I would for normal guests in the hope that she would feel it necessary to leave.

Once you've got her bed ready make sure you have a nap in it, fully clothed.

This is absolute madness. I don’t know what anyone has been pandering to her in previous years. Surely he realises that replacing carpets for a family guest is not the norm. Does she have an actual diagnosis?

you need to just tell DH that SIL can book a hotel or air bnb for the week. I would completely refuse to do any cleaning whatsoever for this.

Well if he wants it pristinely clean, he can get on with it.

Tell DP if he's that fussed and since he invited her to pay fro a cleaner to come in. You're not his slave.

Or even clean it himself!

Unanimous! Tell him 'I don't see the need, but if you want to organise it, you go ahead'.

The options as l see them are:
A) she sucks it up and takes you as she finds you
B) your husband cleans to her standards
C) she stays in a hotel

As an aside it’s not usually wise to feed into people obsessions, it’s healthier to challenge them a bit

@user87382294757 OP just out of interest, does she have a diagnosis of OCD or is that just something the family has decided?

DHs family's behaviour is really dysfunctional either way.

Dear OP,
As someone who lives with someone with diagnosed OCD I will share with you the advice his therapist gave me: do not pander to his obsessions/ anxieties, do not give into them as it does him no favours and makes your life miserable. Challenge the behaviour and be clear about what is not acceptable.

Even assuming that your SIL actually has a diagnosis (which I doubt) as opposed to being a CF then you do her no favours by pandering to her anxiety. I suggest that she either stay in a hotel with daily room cleaning or stays at home and you visit her. No way would I be running round after her.