Not to clean manically for SIL visit

[user87382294757]

DH's sister is coming to visit with the DC and DH is panicking - saying we need to clean everything perfectly and even replace an old carpet which seems a bit OTT. SIL has a kind of OCD and whenever comes to visit seems to mean lots of cleaning and getting everything perfect for her or else she gets very upset and disappointed.

I mean yes I would definitely clean and tidy up but not to an obsessively neat and clean state and do things like replace carpets! Also things like replacing grouting on the bathroom and shower curtains etc.

Also I think DH invited his SIL so he should therefore be involved in this even though he works a lot - he is self employed so can be flexible- and not leave all this to me.

I see it this way. I live in a house with children's socks left lying around; the odd pile of newspapers; mugs left on the side in most rooms; corners that need dusting; piles of things on the stairs that need to go up; unsorted papers; etc etc.

I don't expect OCD people to scruff up their houses to my liking when I go to them, so why should I change my house to meet their standards?

The D in OCD stands for Disorder. It's a mental disorder. It's not something that's right, or okay, or something to aspire to.

If she doesn't like your house, maybe she won't come again. Hooray!

Tell him to bugger off, if he wants to give her the pristine clean royal treatment, HE can do it all himself. That lot is nuts

Perhaps your DH should just tell her she might feel happier saying in a hotel.
It sounds as if the whole family have pandered to her for a long time. There is no reason why you should. It sounds like it would be a very stressful and unhappy week for you all.
Even if you did do everything your DH thinks you should for the visit (and I don't think you should).. How does he expect the house to stay pristine for a week?

I just wanted to apologise. I accidentally hit YABU mistakenly and I’ve ruined your 100% streak of YANBU

Really sorry, your Dh should be the one cleaning.

On the plus side... With all these family visits I bet your house is beautifully maintained! Fresh grout, freshly painted rooms...

Therewillbeadequatefood and there was me thinking that the SIL was on Mumsnet!

@Princessdebthe1st totally this. A lot of people bandy this diagnosis around when it hasnt actually been professionally given. The true diagnosis is very debilitating for the sufferer

Don't yield to the neurosis

Therewillbeadequatefood - I believe you can change your vote (or so I read on another thread). I think you just go back and click on your preferred answer.

DH needs to get his finger out for any ‘over and above’ jobs.

It's ok @ThereWillBeAdequateFood, you can change your vote by hitting the other button

If a normal house is so upsetting why does she stay? To save money? It almost seems like a good idea for her to see what it's like normally - maybe she'll be so disgusted she won't call again. A relief all round.

We have a professional oven clean every so often ,around £55.00 here South Coast.If hes that bothered he could pay for that ,and maybe get carpets professionally cleaned as well!!

I think your DH needs to get quotes for a new carpet, a tradesman in to do the grouting etc. and send it to his sister and tell her that if she coughs upfront for the cost, he'll arrange to get it done before her visit. Then you may find that you like her visiting after all as, every time, you can get lots of repairs/renovations done at her expense!

Bugger that!! Either your DH needs to roll his sleeves up/get his wallet out or tell her to book a bloody hotel!! Or hand her the Mr Muscle when she arrives!

Greet her at the door with a cloth and a bin bag. Smile and tell her to crack on.

StealthPolarBear

Once you've got her bed ready make sure you have a nap in it, fully clothed.

In her outdoor clothes?

Naturally. I didn't like to say though as the term is very confusing.

I just wanted to apologise. I accidentally hit YABU mistakenly and I’ve ruined your 100% streak of YANBU

I did wonder who could possibly think OP is being unreasonable! I briefly wondered if her DH had read the thread! Anyway, according to pps, you can change it, so do that.

OP, what did you say to DH when he told you this? Also, did he discuss inviting her, before he actually did, or had he already invited her, when he told you?

Of course, he should be the one doing all this extra cleaning, and redecoration, so while he's doing it, you could take advantage of it, and suggest any other DIY that needs doing, that he's been putting off. After all, his sister will only be upset by it!

I think the op's DH's sister would be devestated at the thought of our kitchen.op you can pop round tomorrow and clean it if that suits?

Does she actually say to your face that she is upset with the condition of your house! That's so rude.

I second the idea about filling a bucket with a selection of cleaning products and EVERY time she moans about something - hand her the bucket with a big smile and ask her to show you exactly what perfect looks like.

Jesus, she sounds like a nightmare. Suggest she gets cleaning any bits which offend her, and your DH can finish off the rest.

Honestly, do not do this. Your DH is a CF for expecting you to do it.

Don't do a thing extra that you wouldn't do if a friend was popping round for a visit. If you wish to have the counter tops wiped down then so be it. I would clean the bathroom if we are having visitors. If they are staying over I'd change bedclothes and dust/Hoover the bedroom. Outside of that the house is as it always is. I used to be a bit OCD about cleaning but I got over it. I haven't washed the floors in weeks, I just hoover and wipe any marks with a baby wipe. I couldn't give a shiny shite. If my family are coming I'll do what needs doing. If Dh's family are coming he can do it. I'm past pandering to anyone else. Tell your Dh he's more than welcome to deep clean the house, oven, fridge might need a going over, power hose the patio, and that you fully support him - while sitting down to catch up on your latest box set.

I'd make it messier to annoy her so she didn't stay or come back..

If DH wants the house to be in a state of perfection before his DSis visits, then I'd suggest to him that he might want to get his pinny on and don a duster and a can of pledge. I'm sure he'll look delightful, and it's to be hoped he'll give his attitude a makeover at the same time.

YADNBU

She sounds incredibly rude if she openly criticised your home.

DH’s SIL has OCD (properly diagnosed) and one of her things is kitchens. She has, twice, cleaned our kitchen in the middle of the night when staying here and has been deeply embarrassed and apologetic afterwards. She would never, ever expect anyone to clean their house to her condition. She’ll only stay where she knows people will understand if she does midnight cleans. For her it’s not just about the visual it’s abkiy knowing the floor has been wiped x times and the worktop y times, and with her preference of bleach/cleaning fluid. She’s also considerate in that she won’t stay with someone with a new baby etc as she knows she’s a stressful guest and very much accepts it as her problem.