My MIL is in her early 70s. When she turned 70, we threw her a family party - basically, a long weekend away at a cottage, day-long activities she enjoyed, and home-cooked three course meals every night. The four of us (her two children, and two partners) paid for and organised the accommodation and all the food and wine, did all the cooking, and baked and decorated a special cake (which, incidentally, she was very rude about).
The organisation of all of this fell largely on me and my BIL's partner, at a time when both of us were stressed. My husband and I were having major building work done, and my husband's work was insanely busy, so he was never home and I was left handling builders myself. When I turned 40 a few months before my MIL turned 70, my celebratory 'treat' was watching a concrete floor be poured because we had no spare cash! Part of the reason for that was that anything we had was either going into the house or towards her birthday treat!
I sucked it up because, hey, I'm a grown up and this is what you do.
(However, words were had after this about the division of labour/wife work in terms of families after this. I did have a DH problem wrt to him 'outsourcing' his family carework onto me, and boundaries have been firmly drawn).
So it came as something of a surprise when MIL announced this weekend that she is 'sick of organising her own parties', and that she expects all of us to 'step up and arrange things for her in future'!! The tone was very much that we were all a major disappointment to her, despite the fact that we'd tried quite hard at a difficult time. When we were a bit taken aback and asked her what she meant, it turns out that she expects us to organise not only a weekend away but also a much bigger party involving all of her friends from the place where she lives, which is roughly 300 miles away from where we live! We don't know these people and I am honestly not sure how on earth it would work practically - we would have no idea where to send invitations/whom to invite.
I've never expected anyone who wasn't my partner to organise anything for me beyond the age of 12, and even then my expectations haven't been particularly high. Is it normal for people to demand that sons/daughters organise absolutely everything for their significant birthdays? What is normal in terms of time? PIL have both been retired for ages, and FIL never so much as lifts a finger to help towards any family occasion, despite being 100% capable and competent. Isn't it more his job to arrange his wife's birthday events, or AIBU?
Also: what is normal in terms of financing these things? These weekends away run to a cost of hundreds (FIL's 70th a few years ago was upwards of £700 per couple, MIL's was upwards of £500), and we would honestly struggle financially to organise a big party on top.
This is likely to come up again when we see them in future, so I would like to have some kind of response prepared. I was so surprised this weekend that I was speechless, which meant that I didn't really assert myself at all 
. What is reasonable, oh wise vipers of Mumsnet?