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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a good friend leaving wedding early is rude

223 replies

Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:18

My sister is getting married in 6 weeks time. One of our very good friends, has announced she will be leaving the wedding by taxi at 1845. She says that parents are looking after her children (3 and 8 months) but she needs to be back by 1900. This will coincide with the meal (not cheap) and speeches and leave a 1/2 empty table.
She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life but particularly so re children (eg. Meals at very strict times etc).
Aibu to think this is just plain rude and not entirely necessary or is this acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:

Rache49 · 09/07/2019 05:38

I don't have Children but i wouldn't have a Hissy Fit if a Guest had to leave early, OP is not even the Bride and she is getting pissy about it. For all she knows the Bride may be ok about it. Some people are so precious about what others should be doing or not as the case may be.

Witchtower · 09/07/2019 05:55

Ok so the ‘friend’ lives close as it takes 15mins for her to get home. Are you honestly telling me you wouldn’t pop home, put the kids to bed etc and then go back to
the wedding?

Like I said there are many ways around this. This friend is just being extra.
I would 100% expect my close friend to be there.

UrsulaPandress · 09/07/2019 06:58

So we still don't know the time of the wedding.

catoney · 09/07/2019 07:46

No she's not being unreasonable. It's her that's missing out anyway. I understand why you'd be annoyed. I also understand her side being a new mum. It's difficult. Do you have kids?

DreamTheMoors · 09/07/2019 08:00

It’s your sister’s wedding. If she’s not offended then why should you be?

hellsbellsmelons · 09/07/2019 08:13

She wants drama.
Just don't feed it.
'I am leaving at 1845'
You 'No problem at all'
It really won't matter to anyone else there so don't let it bother you.
She can bugger off and miss the good bits.
Just don't feed the monster!

hellsbellsmelons · 09/07/2019 08:15

And pre-warn the people on her table not to make a big deal of it.
'I have to leave now'
'OK then. Bye'
And they carry on talking etc....

Newmumma83 · 09/07/2019 08:23

@Starship12
Each parent and child are different.... if my little guy misses a nap I will pay for it for the next couple of days ... one sad baby that is over tired and can’t sleep ... will cry out every hour through the night ... it’s hideous and he is 7 months ....some other kids not an issue ... if her little one is particularly clingy too it may mean her parents can’t settle the baby ... it could be a nightmare... also his bed time is 6:30 for my baby (.not my rule it’s how he works ) he gets very moany and loud if over tired ... if it was me these would be my concerns as a mum... that I was stressing my child for potentially an extended period of time when there is no need.

She has to do what she is comfortable with as the mum and weight up the pros and cons ... much like adult all babies have different personalities and what you can get away with in terms of flexing their routine... I am not a control freak and hand my son to parents when offered happily but I also wouldn’t do anything that would have a huge knock on effect on his emotional
Well being x x

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 09/07/2019 09:25

She wants drama.
Just don't feed it.

the only one who wants drama are the posters on this thread making a huge deal out of it. If you expect to miss diner, it's polite to inform the host instead of wasting a meal - or taking a space that could have been given to someone else and the bride might be happy to invite someone else to the wedding now she knows there's a free space.

Mopmum35 · 09/07/2019 09:51

Does she drink?
Maybe she doesn't want to be around people who drink alcohol
And maybe she doesn't want her children to witness drinking.
It might be a possibility.
Its disappointing for your sister I'm sure, but there must be a reason behind it. And to be fair it is a bit late.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 09/07/2019 11:16

I would never pop home and then back out.
When I had an 8 month old I was exhausted. The moment I got comfy my night would've been over.

My son was just over 1 at MY wedding and while I was settling him in bed with my mum she had to force me to go back out because I was tired and fed up by that time of night.

Nearly47 · 09/07/2019 12:00

I think your friend is being unreasonable. Acting like that make some people feel important. She could have brought the children to the wedding, she could have arranged childcare. She had options instead she decided to leave early before the meal? Its wrong and rude. I am with you

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 09/07/2019 12:04

She could have brought the children to the wedding

as they were not invited, how rude that would have been!

The OP said the baby could come, but with no mention of the toddler, so the bride didn't want to see them (which is absolutely fair enough).

Lweji · 09/07/2019 12:22

Acting like that make some people feel important.

How?
She hasn't asked for any special schedule, or diet. She has just advised that she's not staying for the meal for her own reasons.
It's the bride who seems to think they're above anyone's circumstances.

Lweji · 09/07/2019 12:23

Sorry, not specifically this bride.

Frankola · 09/07/2019 12:25

Perhaps she cannot get childcare to cover the whole night.

Wow you're judgey without knowing the backstory

Witchtower · 09/07/2019 12:30

I hated going to social events, still do. Never left my children until they were 1, not even an hour. My routines were strict, still are. I’m very funny with what happens at what time.
But I can assure you that for my best friends wedding I would make sure that I was there.

Ps as I stick to my routines religiously, when I do go out for something lengthy and important go from an event to put my children to bed, leave them with a babysitter and then go back out. It’s not ideal but when it’s an important event it’s my compromise with myself.

Nearly47 · 09/07/2019 14:27

How? This thread kind of shows it. Attracting attention to herself and implying that her everyday life commitments (that could be managed had she wished) are more important than her ' best friend' big occasion. I don't think that is valid for any guest but the OP suggested the are like sisters

Lweji · 09/07/2019 14:30

How? This thread kind of shows it.

Only in that the OP made a fuss out of it for no good reason.
Children are not "every day" commitments.

Leaving in the middle of dinner without warning and a big fuss, yes. Giving advance notice of missing a meal, definitely not calling for attention.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 09/07/2019 14:35

Attracting attention to herself

It's the OP who started a big drama about it - the friend presumably RSVP stating she would leave at whatever time. Bride has time to not take friend into account when planning diner, and even has a free space opened to someone else she might want to invite. 6 weeks early, it's perfectly fine.

LouJJersey · 09/07/2019 15:39

If it’s leave early or not come at all it’s a nice compromise. I wouldn’t stay at a wedding late now if my parents were babysitting, it is a tough one but she’s trying to be there and be at home I think. At my wedding quite a few guests left at 7 ish, I wasn’t bothered . Everyone had different needs and lives x

Lweji · 09/07/2019 15:41

This is what evening guests are for. To make up the numbers when all the mums of young children leave.

silver1977 · 09/07/2019 20:37

Frankola The OP has said the grandparents had offered to have the children all night.

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