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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a good friend leaving wedding early is rude

223 replies

Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:18

My sister is getting married in 6 weeks time. One of our very good friends, has announced she will be leaving the wedding by taxi at 1845. She says that parents are looking after her children (3 and 8 months) but she needs to be back by 1900. This will coincide with the meal (not cheap) and speeches and leave a 1/2 empty table.
She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life but particularly so re children (eg. Meals at very strict times etc).
Aibu to think this is just plain rude and not entirely necessary or is this acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 07/07/2019 17:33

Of course it’s rude. Her wains are being looked after and it’s a close friend’s wedding. She clearly has other priorities and is not being very kind to your sister.

cjpark · 07/07/2019 17:34

Its really not a problem. She probably got the invite and booked the babysitter assuming the meal would be over. Fast forward now, having realised the timings, she has to leave.
Your sister will have 2 people leave before pudding - big deal. She'll probably get a few people cancel at short notice anyway due to illness. Is she going to charge them for an expensive meal? No, they'll be there for 95% of an event which millions of people do everyday.

NCforthis2019 · 07/07/2019 17:37

Confused - it’s a wedding not a summons. Maybe your child is too young to have a schedule but it’s not great you think having a set schedule is not good - judgemental for no clear reason. And it’s not even your wedding!

Is she in a full table ie 10? If so -
No one will
Notice

SilverySurfer · 07/07/2019 17:41

Six weeks seems a perfectly acceptable notice period and plenty of time for the B & G to shuffle the seating plan so the friend's absence doesn't leave a gap on one of the tables. You're being ridiculous.

saywhatwhatnow · 07/07/2019 17:43

Maybe she just doesn't want to leave her kids any later than that?

10psInaLooRoll · 07/07/2019 17:45

Maybe she has anxiety & she's doing as much as she feels able?

georgialondon · 07/07/2019 17:55

I don't think it's rude really.

Pinktinker · 07/07/2019 17:55

That is rather late for a wedding meal. I would expect the reception to be in full swing by 7pm tbh.

I don’t think she was rude whatsoever. She’s made the effort to attend the wedding, she probably just wants to get back for her baby’s bedtime. Some people are fine leaving their babies all night, others are not.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 07/07/2019 18:00

I wouldn't have left my kids overnight at that age.

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 07/07/2019 18:06

I would guess she thought the meal would be much earlier on in the day so it would have been easier so leave afterwards before the evening bit started. Now she's found out the meal is late, it's caused more of an issue and she's doing the courtesy of letting her friend know. Not rude at all.

LondonJax · 07/07/2019 18:20

My sister left our wedding immediately after the meal (which was from 4pm so it wasn't an issue). She saw the speeches - her grown up son made one of them as it was my second marriage. Didn't bother me at all. She had a six month old and a 2 year old who also came. Her DH works abroad so wouldn't have made it anyway. The kids came but by 7pm both were tired - so she left. Not a problem.

If I'd have booked the evening meal to begin at 7pm onwards I'd have just thought it was my bad luck - it's a bit odd to have a wedding sit down meal beginning when most evening receptions start TBH.

LovePoppy · 07/07/2019 18:21

If she’s “so close, she’s like a sister” why isn’t she in the wedding party if it’s so important she stay?

TitianaTitsling · 07/07/2019 18:25

she clearly has other priorities and is not being very kind to your sister. Oh imagine her making her own children a priority! OP given she is such a close friend, is she MOH or a BM? You've not mentioned her wedding role.

TitianaTitsling · 07/07/2019 18:25

Xpost with Poppy due to toddler wrangling!

Mumofone1858 · 07/07/2019 18:29

I'd say she's going back for 7 so she can put her kids in bed herself. You can't expect everyone's life to be put on hold for a wedding. One of my bridesmaids left at 8, I wasn't impressed but you can't control when people go home, just enjoy the day with everyone who is able to stay later.

Baguetteaboutit · 07/07/2019 18:33

You are being rude. You say that she is controlling and obsessive and here you are on MN, throwing a strop because you don't like the way that she has arranged things around the day. Confused

Nonnymum · 07/07/2019 18:39

Why is she being rude? She has children. She has children, she has to put them first. Just because it's not an issue for some. People doesn't mean it's not for her and her children. Every family is different. She's making an effort to come to the wedding so she will see her friend get married.

kmammamalto · 07/07/2019 18:53

She's not rude at all. No one gets to decide when you should leave your children and for how long. We are all different, some enjoy leaving babies over night, some never want to be away from their children for long. Their choice. Why do women always have to answer to this shit?! Like the PP calling her obsessive. I presume no one is questioning her partner on what he's doing?!
She's coming to the wedding. Thats all.

BumbleBeee69 · 07/07/2019 18:56

I do kinda understand her decision to leave early OP. Flowers

LauraPalmersBodybag · 07/07/2019 18:57

I agree with pp here op. Even if there is family to put the kids to bed, it may not be okay with the kids. My dm or MIL would have happily offered, but my dd bf to sleep till she was older than 8m and that was how we did bedtime. Also, at 8m we’d have had a horrible time having her out late with us. All kids, parents and routines are different, you ought to respect that.

It sounds like she’s there for the actual wedding. She’s not BU.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/07/2019 18:57

If she's leaving at 6.45 and the meal is 7.30 perhaps what she's doing is letting the bride know that she won't be there for the meal, so the bride can save some money by cancelling one meal?

I have Coeliac and I always let people know that they needn't count me in the meal count as I won't be partaking. Sometimes it results in the caterer being able to accommodate me, sometimes it just saves the person the cost of a meal.

LauraPalmersBodybag · 07/07/2019 18:59

@kmammamalto is on the money here

BackforGood · 07/07/2019 19:03

YABU.
As far as I can see, she is letting your firned know that she is going to come for the important part - to see her friend get married - but not to order a meal for her as she will need to go before it is served. 6 weeks before is the time most people will be replying, surely ? Your friends won't have confirmed final numbers to caterers yet. I genuinely don't see why you think it might be a problem for anyone.

Out of my own nosiness - how come they aren't having the meal until 7.30 ? What time is the ceremony ?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 07/07/2019 20:01

Why is the meal so late? What time is the ceremony?
I had a bottle refusing baby. At 8 months she didn't eat enough to sustain herself on food and would starve herself rather than drink from a bottle. So while my parents would kindly offer to take her I would never put them or her through that.

Ginger1982 · 07/07/2019 20:09

@maddiemookins16mum don't be a twat.