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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a good friend leaving wedding early is rude

223 replies

Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:18

My sister is getting married in 6 weeks time. One of our very good friends, has announced she will be leaving the wedding by taxi at 1845. She says that parents are looking after her children (3 and 8 months) but she needs to be back by 1900. This will coincide with the meal (not cheap) and speeches and leave a 1/2 empty table.
She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life but particularly so re children (eg. Meals at very strict times etc).
Aibu to think this is just plain rude and not entirely necessary or is this acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:
SweetNorthernRose · 08/07/2019 19:20

Well I think if she's a close friend then yes she is rude. I wouldn't make a big deal about it though, just reconsider how close a friend she really is.

Frazzledstar1 · 08/07/2019 19:24

If she can only get a sitter to that time then isn’t it better that she’s made the effort to come at all rather than just declining?

YukoandHiro · 08/07/2019 19:27

The baby is 8 months. You are being totally unreasonable.

Molly564 · 08/07/2019 19:38

I don’t think this is unreasonable at all as having a young family is hard.

I take it you don’t have children yourself? I must admit before I had my children i probably would have thought like you but now I can totally see it from a different perspective. She is making the effort to go.

Also, like someone said nobody cares as much about a wedding than the wedding party!

My husband would actually use our children as an excuse to leave early I am sure 😂 he doesn’t particularly like weddings ha!

Molly564 · 08/07/2019 19:45

I’ve just seen that you do have children!

One thing I will say is that people with children all act and look at things differently. I couldn’t leave my DD till she was 6 months old. Before that she got left with my DH once for an hour. Every baby and parent is different! Also, they’ll not even notice shea gone. Our wedding evening reception got so busy I hardly saw any of the wedding party or close friends!

lookingformyleopard · 08/07/2019 19:47

She has an 8 month old. Maybe they would be really upset at bedtime without mum, I know mine would.
It would have to be something a hell of a lot more important than wedding speeches to get me to leave my baby screaming for hours with my parents.

justasking111 · 08/07/2019 19:54

She has a 3 month old and an 8 month old baby, how did she manage that???

justasking111 · 08/07/2019 19:56

SorryI three years old, it has been a long day... I would suggest she may just be tired. I would have been sloping off from an event at this time with a child this small. You cannot drink, early rising plus maybe feeding. She is there for the most important bit.

EllenMP · 08/07/2019 20:13
  1. If you cancel her meal you won't be out of pocket.
  2. Don't put a place for her at the table and you won't have an empty space when she leaves.
  3. If she has an 8 month old and is breastfeeding she may need to get home for that.
  4. If she is obsessive about sleep routines her 8 month old may very well be put off his routine by her absence, and this may be very upsetting to her.
  5. Someone getting married is a big deal for them. But it is childish to think everyone else in your world also has to push aside all other considerations for the bridal couple on their wedding.
  6. This friend has her hands full with a baby and a toddler and she is setting a clear and reasonable expectation of what she can manage. Appreciate the honesty and forethought and accept her as she is.
MaryPopppins · 08/07/2019 20:16

My DC always trump anything.

I don't need a reason.

If this woman feels the same and doesn't want to leave her kids any longer than that then good on her.

YABU taking it personally. Her kids are more important to her than someone else's wedding.

ollo · 08/07/2019 20:20

No it's totally reasonable. Her youngest will be 8 months!

She would've attended the important part - the ceremony.

swizzells2003 · 08/07/2019 20:27

Not unreasonable at all. I left a close friends wedding before the evening party started - wanted to get back to DS, I get stressed/anxious leaving him (even with family) could she maybe have issues like that?

Orchidflower1 · 08/07/2019 20:50

Op- what has your sister said on the matter. Please do come back to the thread.

SallyWD · 08/07/2019 20:57

If I had a baby and toddler I'd want to get home early too. I can't stand being tired (and maybe hungover) if I know the kids will wake me in the night or at the crack of dawn. I completely understand where she's coming from.

cantbebothered101 · 08/07/2019 21:27

Have to say I just don’t get it. If you’re invited to a good friends wedding and your parents have offered to take your kids for the night you jump at the chance to have a great night out. The kids will survive and parents will survive for one night even if they don’t get a full nights sleep! I just can’t get my head around the amount of preciousness around kids these days. I love mine to bits but for the very very rare times I get a night away I jump at the chance it’s one night!

Lweji · 08/07/2019 21:30

It's not for any of us to judge this woman. We don't know the circumstances for this family.
We can't posibly understand because we are not them.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 08/07/2019 21:32

Some people like to set the standard higher than survive.
My daughter would've been inconsolable and distraught the whole time.

Luckily I have friends that would never put me in a position where they would expect me to do that to my child.

Tallgreenbottle · 08/07/2019 21:35

Baby is only 8m old. You're being totally unreasonable OP.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 08/07/2019 22:31

cccameron
It's not about dropping your friends, and that friend is attending the wedding anyway. Sometimes, your kids have to come first.

You had childcare and could leave your baby at 8 weeks, it doesn't mean everyone can, or want to. Attending the wedding ceremony is plenty

Yeahnahmum · 09/07/2019 01:02

She is just one of those mums that can not let other people do what she usually does (as in putting kids to bed etc). It is her choice. So if she is not confident enough to do this, so be it. Bit shitty though considering she is a close friend. But yeah some mums just can't soak them selves off their kids for ages. Shitty but reality.

MrsMiggins37 · 09/07/2019 01:14

If there’s no feeding or childcare issues then it’s a bit rude and controlling yes

The options really though are to suck it up or to disinvite her altogether.

Mintjulia · 09/07/2019 01:26

YABU. I don’t think she’s being rude. She has very small children and she needs to get back. There may be all kinds of reasons you don’t know about. She has the good manners to tell you she’ll be leaving early, rather than just sloping off,
And completely agree her dcs are too small to be at the wedding.

AgentJohnson · 09/07/2019 02:05

Yes was exaggerating re table just to make a point!

If you have to exaggerate to make a point, then guess what....the point isn’t made.

Emelene · 09/07/2019 02:13

I have a nearly 8 month old and last weekend had to leave family meals out at 6:45 due to a screaming tired baby.

Even if the baby was invited, it doesn't mean they would have tolerated a wedding and such a late meal. I think the mum is being considerate, not rude!

Rache49 · 09/07/2019 05:25

Yes you are, People have numerous reasons for leaving early, maybe ill health or a long journey home. I would just be grateful they had come. We don't know what other folk have to work round in their lives. . Some People are so entitled that they are blind to everything and everyone around them.

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