To think a good friend leaving wedding early is rude

[Starship12]

My sister is getting married in 6 weeks time. One of our very good friends, has announced she will be leaving the wedding by taxi at 1845. She says that parents are looking after her children (3 and 8 months) but she needs to be back by 1900. This will coincide with the meal (not cheap) and speeches and leave a 1/2 empty table.
She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life but particularly so re children (eg. Meals at very strict times etc).
Aibu to think this is just plain rude and not entirely necessary or is this acceptable behaviour?

Perhaps if the bride and groom really wanted to have everyone present for the entire event they could have made the timings more family friendly. Just step outside the wedding bubble and be thankful that a busy couple with two young kids have made the effort to be there, having had to organise childcare for the day and probably have gone to the expense of travel, gifts etc.

I can't think of anything worse than going to a wedding in the early afternoon, and then having to stand around bored stiff for hours on end at the reception venue, making trivial small-talk, turning down endless glasses of fizz because I have to drive home, getting aching feet because there's practically nowhere to sit (and the few available chairs are rightfully occupied by dowagers) and all the while trying not to focus on the ever-increasing rumbling in my stomach. All with a polite smile fixed on my face in case there's a roaming photographer on the loose. Oh, and attempting to entertain my offspring (and/or be annoyed by other people's) who are even more bored, fractious and hungry than I am. Dull dull dull.

Just let the poor woman go home!

What time is the actual marriage?

Why is the meal so late?

it's not that late at all, at least half the weddings I have been to had a dinner, not a mid-afternoon lunch.

It's only on MN that I realised for many people a wedding breakfast must be at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, never really experienced it.

Most weddings are between 12-2 and so food is at about 3-4ish with evening food at about 8-9

Wedding breakfasts are normally 5-7ish and evening buffet around 9/10ish, at least all the ones I've been to have been, including my own!

If someone is an otherwise good friend and decent person can you not just credit them with having good reasons to do things? Your post sounds to me like bitchy speculation with the, "She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life" comment. Probably a perfectly straightforward reason involving the kids which means she needs or wants to be back.

Until recently, you could only get married between 8am and 6pm (recently changed), so pretty sure that you can find couples who got married anytime within this window, not just between 12 and 2.

Unlike some posters, pretty much all weddings I have been to were in the afternoon with much later wedding breakfast🤷

Not rude at all...

I’ve only ever been to one later wedding that had the wedding breakfast in the evening rather than 2 meals, so I agree with the others - she would’ve expected by 6:45 to be in that lull where you’re hanging around waiting for the evening reception to start so good time to skip away.
So with 6 weeks to go, your sis should be able to cancel the meals and rearrange tables. And as for calling her controlling, well sounds like you’re being rude. People just have different priorities. Whether she feels exhausted all of the time or just wants to go home to her kids, maybe the grandparents babysitting is something she wants to limit but has made the effort to be there for the important part of the wedding.

I've got two kids who are invited to a wedding with me soon- but not my partner. I may well have to leave early because of that. If they become difficult, it would ruin things for others far more!

I was also a guest at a wedding years ago where my niece was bridesmaid, she was three. They had a rehearsal the night before which was scheduled for 7 the night before after they had traveled all the way down from Yorkshire to London. Her mum was concerned this was too late for beige to cope with everything the next day and offered to go alone and explain everything to niece, but the bride insisted she attend. Rehearsal didn't actually start till gone 8 and took forever so niece didn't get to bed until nearly 1030. The wedding itself was then really difficult with a tired over stimulated 3 year old who kept getting all the way through, she was ok at the meal but then they had to leave half an hour into the evening party because she was on the verge of losing it completely. Bride was furious and has barely spoken to the parents again since, end of a lovely friendship, two children lost their godparents- all because the bride insisted on keeping a 3 year old up till half ten the night before.

What time does the wedding start? Not doing speeches until 7.30pm is unlike anything I’ve ever known!

Anyway I imagine you’re exaggerating given you say 1 guest leaving will leave a table half empty. She’s been extremely considerate to go to the effort of making childcare arrangements & she has a baby - most babies are a right pain in the evening with their own parents let alone anyone else.

I think you are being very unfair & unreasonable to someone who’s gone to a heck of a lot of effort to be part of the day.

she has always been very controlling with a post where you sound EXTREMELY controlling & she has been nothing but considerate & polite.....

Why would you think her childcare / evening / baby arrangements to attend someone else’s wedding - are your concern?!

@NCforthis2019 it’s a wedding not a summons Yes !
But I don’t think OP is keen on not being able to control her sister’s wedding guests

I would've been anxious to get back for my children at that age and stage. Some people love a break from their kids others find it difficult. She's told you what she's planning, don't make life difficult for her by getting huffy about it.

Agree with the majority - she's not being unreasonable.

She's coming for the important part and giving plenty of notice that she can't stay past 6.45pm.

Not ideal but understandable with small children.

I dont get the big deal..she leaves at 6.45. Meal is at 7.30 just dont include her in the meal plans? Dont give her a seat as she wont be there anyway. In fact your sister could probably invite someone in her place as she will only be at the ceremony and welcome drinks?

Get over yourself, she has still very small DCs, she's given plenty of advanced warning that she needs to leave.

YABVU for gossiping about her & not understanding that she NEEDS to leave. WTF leaves halfway through a meal unless they really have too. Common sense seems to have buggered off here 🙄

Good friends of mine left my wedding before the meal to take baby home to bed - only told me after the ceremony that they were going to do that, think they'd only recently discovered keeping baby up past normal bedtime caused hell for a night and the next day etc. Yes, it was a shame, yes meals were wasted, but at the end of the day people have lives that don't revolve around my wedding, it was lovely to see them for the part they could make and they knew what worked for them and their baby.

We all handle parenthood differently. I hated leaving my children ever, with anyone (even my dh) but other friends would happily disappear for weekends. Maybe she should make allowances given the day but perhaps emotionally she's not ready or finding it stressful or overwhelming or has a touch of pnd.

No it's her life and she is entitled to leave whenever she likes . Her children are very young and she is doing the best for her family. If she didn't go at all people would be moaning . Woman can't win

Not rude at all. There’s no law saying she has to stay, she’s given plenty of notice...

If this is a close friend then I think it is VERY rude. Wasn’t expecting these responses.

Others have babies same age and it’s not been an issue that’s all

• and my cousin left my wedding early to get back for her toddler and it wasn't an issue.

I’m really shocked with this thread!!!

Childcare is difficult but there are many ways around this. ‘Friend’ could have asked her parents to stay at hers and put the kids in their own beds. ‘Friend’ could have stayed an hour or two later until the speeches/meal had finished.
I’m saying this as someone who has zero childcare. I have to book my parents months in advance.
My family had organised a surprise birthday party for me when my daughter was 2 months old. I secretly cried in the kitchen because I was shitting myself. But the anxiety passed as the night, and wine went on.

It really depends on their friendship. If it was my best friend then yes I’d be deeply offended and I don’t believe for one second all these posters wouldn’t be offended if it was their closest friend.
If it’s a minor acquaintance then I wouldn’t be that bothered.