Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a good friend leaving wedding early is rude

223 replies

Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:18

My sister is getting married in 6 weeks time. One of our very good friends, has announced she will be leaving the wedding by taxi at 1845. She says that parents are looking after her children (3 and 8 months) but she needs to be back by 1900. This will coincide with the meal (not cheap) and speeches and leave a 1/2 empty table.
She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life but particularly so re children (eg. Meals at very strict times etc).
Aibu to think this is just plain rude and not entirely necessary or is this acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:40

That’s true re no one caring as much maybe yes

OP posts:
InTheHeatofLisbon · 07/07/2019 15:42

Just read the update.

I stand by my original point.

She's gone to the effort to get childcare, and staying until the meal.

People will literally get offended by anything these days, and its worse when it involves a wedding/baby shower/gender reveal/engagement party/hen do/insert other big event here.

Oh for the days when a wedding was actually about the marriage and not the instaworthy bullshit that surrounds it.

batvixen123 · 07/07/2019 15:42

Not at all rude. She's clearly put the effort in to showing up for the important bit (the ceremony) but can't stay late due to childcare.

What time is the service btw? I must say, if it's a normal morning ceremony then dinner is very late! I'd be dying if I was not able to eat anything between breakfast and 7 pm.

stopitandtidyupp · 07/07/2019 15:42

I think its odd yes, if her parents have offered and the baby was invited. Then she is being a bit of a jobsworth.

elessar · 07/07/2019 15:42

What time is the meal?

If she will be at most of it and just missing the dessert/speeches then it's not ideal but not the end of the world, if she's going to leave before/ at the very start of the meal then I think your sister should invite someone else to the full day.

Whether she's being unreasonable or not really depends on whether she's stuck for childcare and this is the best she can do, or just doesn't want to stay any longer, in which case it's pretty rude to leave before the end of the meal at least.

Piffle11 · 07/07/2019 15:43

The baby was invited - what about the 3 year old? Pointless bringing one if the other had to be babysat anyway. Do you mean she's leaving early to do their bedtime routine, or because her parents want to leave by 7pm? Does she want to BF the baby?

VeThings · 07/07/2019 15:43

If you’re prone to exaggerating, perhaps you’re making more of this than there needs to be?

She’s making the effort to come to the wedding and has let you know in advance that she has to leave at a certain time. If my friend did this, I’d be thankful they were coming to the important bit (seeing me get married).

Readytogogogo · 07/07/2019 15:43

Why do you care so much? You say 'good friends' but are you really much of a friend to her when you sound so judgemental about her parenting and of her 'controlling' behaviour. If you are indeed good friends, I'd let it go. She'll be there for the wedding, surely that's the important part?

Picklypickles · 07/07/2019 15:43

She isn't rude in any way, how ridiculous to suggest she is! What time is the wedding? How many hours will her parents have been looking after her baby and toddler before she gets back? Why do people think the whole world revolves around them when they get married and get so worked up over the most trivial of things? One friend is leaving early for childcare reasons, big fucking deal! It's hardly going to ruin the day is it?!

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 07/07/2019 15:44

I don’t think I’d want to leave my 8month old overnight either (PFB)

Surely this is your sisters issue? I’d rather have people attend then leave after the important bit rather than not attend. And attending a wedding with children isn’t as fun as you’d imagine, as your focused on them not screaming at the wrong points (or atleast I was!)

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2019 15:44

It does seem early and if she knew the meal would be after this time, would have been useful to discuss this before to avoid your sister paying for the meal. Did she know the timings?

You says she’s controlling. It’s possibly anxiety and her way of coping is to go home. Her children are very young. Maybe she needs the sleep / rest.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 07/07/2019 15:45

Baby was invited, but was the 3 year old?

Lucked · 07/07/2019 15:45

Well no point in paying for a meal for her and her partner if they are leaving before food. You don’t tend to sit at the tables until the food is due to be served so just leave them out of the seating plan.

It is very late, does she know she won’t be fed? And out of interest what time is the service?

Piffle11 · 07/07/2019 15:45

Perhaps she didn't realise that the meal was going to be so late - isn't 7ish the time the party bit starts? Maybe she thought she could sneak away before the band/disco.

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 07/07/2019 15:45

She's given plenty of notice, surely your sister didn't receive or expect all the RSVP much before 6 weeks?

It would be rude to let her know the day before, but if she can't attend the diner for whatever reason, that's more than enough notice. No one has finalised the seating plans that early. Why do you think it's rude?

Grumpelstilskin · 07/07/2019 15:45

Careful OP, don't hike those judgy pants up that high, you might give yourself a wedgy! Grin

wellbuggerme · 07/07/2019 15:46

was the 3 yr old invited? do you have children OP?

that25cUKHeatwaveof2019 · 07/07/2019 15:47

I know a lot of posters on MN think all wedding diners are served middle of the afternoon, but most of the weddings I've been to didn't start diner until 7, 8 or 9.

(and that's England, Spain and France are even much later)

Redglitter · 07/07/2019 15:48

She's told you her intentions six weeks before the wedding. That sounds like good manners actually.

LittleWalnutTree · 07/07/2019 15:48

What time is the actual ceremony and how long a gap is there between that and the meal?

And how far will she have to travel home?

To be honest the only important bit of a wedding is the ceremony itself, and she's coming to that.

RosaWaiting · 07/07/2019 15:48

I don’t think the friend is rude at all.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/07/2019 15:50

The wedding vows are the only important part and she’s there for them.

If the focus is on the costs and empty tables rather then the actual marriage then she’s missing nothing really.

Outsomnia · 07/07/2019 15:50

Don't get too stressed about it, at least she will share your ceremony and see you and mingle with other guests.

She is making an effort, I think you should be delighted that she is.

Congratulations and have a lovely wedding.

Rachelover40 · 07/07/2019 15:51

She has a good reason, things are just like that sometimes. I don't see it as a big deal. Yes you or your parents will be paying for her meal, or half of it, but out of all the expense that's a drop in the ocean. You never know when it comes to it she may be able to stay longer but if she can't, she can't.

It's your sister's wedding, is she upset or are you being offended on her behalf?

wellbuggerme · 07/07/2019 15:51

its a wedding not a summons! friend has told you/ sister in advance by 6 weeks, plenty of notice.

you`re making a mountain out of a molehill.