To think a good friend leaving wedding early is rude

[Starship12]

My sister is getting married in 6 weeks time. One of our very good friends, has announced she will be leaving the wedding by taxi at 1845. She says that parents are looking after her children (3 and 8 months) but she needs to be back by 1900. This will coincide with the meal (not cheap) and speeches and leave a 1/2 empty table.
She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life but particularly so re children (eg. Meals at very strict times etc).
Aibu to think this is just plain rude and not entirely necessary or is this acceptable behaviour?

Do the people hosting these type of events not imagine that their guests have lives outside the wedding? She's leaving her children for as long as she feels comfortable to. YABVU.

One of our guests has notified us that he will have to leave our wedding at 6.30pm with his wife - he is a diplomat and has an unavoidable meeting that night. We are just delighted that he will be able to be there to see us married. Take pleasure in the good stuff, don't sweat the bad.

i wouldn’t have left either of my babies overnight at that age. In fact DS2 is now 16 months and only now I’m considering him being out overnight. 8 months is tiny. She has given plenty of notice. My brother left my wedding at about 2pm because of a clash with work commitments, he didn’t tell me in advance so I still had to pay for his meal. That’s rude. So YABU. The entire world doesn’t revolve around your sister’s wedding.

Even if the 3 year old was invited she may have decided that they wouldn't have stayed quiet when they needed to and isn't bringing them to make sure the bride and groom's day isn't spoiled.

Yabu. Maybe she just doesn’t like going out that much and feels she’s putting in an effort to go to the important things .
Mind your own business.
Are you paying for the meals? Is your sister even bothered?

I bet they didn't invite the toddler and expected her to just bring the baby! The friend is not being rude IMO, but inviting only one child is!

OP, you may be happy to leave your baby - and it's fine if the friend is not. That is an exceptionally late meal. That timescale would normally have covered the meal and be heading towards the evening part of the reception.

What time is the wedding?

Yes was exaggerating re table just to make a point!

So you were being a little silly then ...

Your friend has told your sister her plans, so there's still time to ensure caterers are aware. It's not rude at all. It would have been rude had she not informed your sister, the bride, of their plans, however, she did. The meal is also pretty late and I wouldn't have left my children overnight at that age.

This is actually none of your business so I've no idea why you're getting your knickers in a twist about it.

You and your friends do not deserve this woman as a friend

She arranged childcare for her very young children
She accepts the invite and stays for the day
She leaves before dinner is served

And yet here you are - bitching

You and your sister

I turned down wedding invites when I had a baby that age because I knew it would stress me out and stress out everyone around me if I take them.. and that, I couldn’t arrange childcare as I had never left baby with anyone before and had huge anxiety doing so for more then 2 hours.

So I think your friend is trying to be there for you while still making it work for her kids. It’s not personal..

Did I miss whether the baby is BF?

I would wonder at being thought of as a good friend , and yet being judged so harshly.

Don't think she's being rude at all. She's being a responsible parent.
At least she came to the wedding

Oh yes and the fact my baby was being breastfed was the primary reason. He wouldn’t sleep without the breast.

I left him once with his dad while doing tons wedding and I regretted it very much and couldn’t enjoy my time at all

I honestly don't understand why this would be perceived as rude. It's a wedding, not the opening of parliament.

One of my best friends and her DP came to my wedding, bringing their DS2 and DS 8 weeks. They left after the food but before the speeches. I had no problem with that, was just really happy that they had made the effort to come at all(they travelled from abroad for it) with such a little baby and a sleepy toddler! Literally half the table was left after they had all gone, and that was also fine. Was so happy that they made it to the ceremony and as much of the reception as they could, without causing themselves stress. They did tell me in advance that they would be leaving before the evening do, so that we wouldn't pay for them unnecessarily.

When my daughter was 8 months she had terrible separation anxiety, still struggles a bit at night at nearly 20 months. My parents could look after her for a few hours in the day, but she would absolutely howl if someone other than me or my DH tried to settle her for bed. It is not ideal, but it is what it is and I am generally lucky in other ways on the sleep front, so I plan around either getting back for bedtime or going out for dinner etc when she is settled in bed (she rarely wakes, just often takes a while to settle down). My parents convinced me to give it a go and leave her with them at 9 months for bedtime and then go out to dinner, thinking I was exaggerating and being an overly anxious first time mum - I came back and she had been howling for two hours. Maybe your friend just doesn't want to put her parents through it?! People often don't want to discuss this kind of thing, as it feels like a failing when it absolutely isn't, but some kids are just hard work at night!!

I would wonder at being thought of as a good friend , and yet being judged so harshly.

This ^^

You clearly don't like the woman, you say she is a good friend, then call her rude and controlling.

"Others have babies same age and it’s not been an issue that’s all"

Not all babies are the same, nor are all parents. What may work for one set may not for another.

She might not want to stay any longer? She’s perfectly entitled to leave when she wants especially if she’s told the bride in advance. If she just stood up halfway through the prawn cocktail, then yeah, that would be rude, but she’s explained ( and actually she doesn’t have to justify it to anybody).

I also don’t think it’s controlling at all that she has strict meal times and nap times.

She has two children who are close in age and lack of routine will cause so much stress. I used to be confused at people who had rigid routines but since I’m due the next baby now and will have 2 under 2, I’ve become rigid as ever with meal and nap times and it’s the only way I can have a life.

There’s a difference between controlling and being in control as to not result in chaos. I found that comment really out of order.

You clearly have issues with that friend and it’s coming across as hidden resentment in your post. I think you need to tackle the real reason why you are resentful.

Don’t think there’s an issue, she wants to get home for her children, not everyone feels comfortable leaving the children overnight. I would though if I was the bride put her on a further out table so less noticeable when she leaves

How is this in any way your problem?

Just because other people haven't had an issue doesn't mean it's not an issue for her.

I hate this attitude.
We've been to a few children weddings recently. Childcare isn't easy for us. On the outside it may seem we have people to ask and they may even pretend to offer overnight care. The reality is much different and I wouldn't want to be discussing it (more than this) with random people.
So yes, YABU. Very unreasonable.