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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a good friend leaving wedding early is rude

223 replies

Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:18

My sister is getting married in 6 weeks time. One of our very good friends, has announced she will be leaving the wedding by taxi at 1845. She says that parents are looking after her children (3 and 8 months) but she needs to be back by 1900. This will coincide with the meal (not cheap) and speeches and leave a 1/2 empty table.
She has always been very controlling in most aspects of her life but particularly so re children (eg. Meals at very strict times etc).
Aibu to think this is just plain rude and not entirely necessary or is this acceptable behaviour?

OP posts:
stopitandtidyupp · 07/07/2019 15:51

To me it sounds like she is being obsessive and rude. But each to their own.

If it was my best friend I would be hurt by this. Now childcare issues are one thing. Leaving because god forbid the baby has to be put down by someone else or stay up an hour later. Then I would think she had a problem.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 07/07/2019 15:52

One of my guests and her mum had to leave halfway though the meal ( other half couldn’t get the baby to stop crying). It was totally fine. The table carried on and a few others migrated on to theirs.And we were just a small wedding in a posh restaurant.

Weddings don’t have to be hard work to be beautiful and stylish. Lots of stressy faces and cats bum mouths will ruin a good night.

Msgiggles30 · 07/07/2019 15:52

I disagree I think it is rude to get up and leave in the middle of a meal/speeches etc for no real reason if as you've said there isnt an issue with childcare/feeding. She could stay the extra 30 mins to see it through then just not stay for the party bit which wouldn't be rude.

Ragwort · 07/07/2019 15:53

Actually I do think it’s rude, everyone knows that wedding meals are very expensive (over priced) & if, for whatever reason you can’t stay for the meal the polite thing is to say ‘I’d just love to come to the church/register office but I can’t stay for the reception. She should have enquired (politely) what time the meal was served.

But weddings always bring out the worst in people, thankfully I am at the age where I rarely get invited to any & if I do I politely decline Grin.

Original poster
Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:53

Not my wedding. I’m not upset. Just wondering what others would do. She’s more like sister than friend but agree it’s very kind to make an effort at all and come to any of it. Should def focus on that

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 07/07/2019 15:55

She's told you her intentions six weeks before the wedding. That sounds like good manners actually.

This. Why are you so concerned anyway? It isn't your wedding.

Outsomnia · 07/07/2019 15:55

Oops missed the bit about it being your sister's wedding.

Double forget about it, it is not your issue really. Just enjoy the day.

Has sis said anything? But I often suspect in these types of post that the OP is actually the Bride!

Sunshine1235 · 07/07/2019 15:55

As a mum of two young children trust me that I’m sure she’d love to stay the whole evening without a care in the world but that’s not always possible when you’ve got young children so you just have to do the best you can and hope that your friends realise that it’s not a personal attack on them

Nofunkingworriesmate · 07/07/2019 15:56

At least she has told you in advance! I had two guests leave before the meal who I’d paid for and didn’t tell me till they were leaving
Before jumping to horrible conclusions why not simply ask what the issue is?

Original poster
Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:56

Ok fair enough
No am not the bride!

OP posts:
EggysMom · 07/07/2019 15:56

Sit her on a very minor table, the gap won't be noticed.

Original poster
Starship12 · 07/07/2019 15:57

Yes I have a baby

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 07/07/2019 16:03

I think it’s okay as maybe she has to settle the baby or maybe like many mums of babies she doesn’t want the little one overnight? I personally would stay till 7.30 but maybe her baby is breastfed.

Redwinestillfine · 07/07/2019 16:05

I opted to do this once, wedding a long way from home, kids invited but young and we couldn't stay at the venue so booked into a cheap hotel nearby and the plan was stay until maybe 8 half 8 (past when kids would be seriously overtired) then slip out. Bride got wind and wasn't happy so we said fine, but then kids can't come, just us. As it turns out I don't think she'd have noticed when we left on the day, and neither, I imagine will you.

herculepoirot2 · 07/07/2019 16:07

My baby would have ruined any evening wedding we took her to. My partner and I went to a few, but I always went back to the hotel with her. Carnage otherwise.

SparklesandFlowers · 07/07/2019 16:14

I had an old school friend leave at some point after about 5pm as she'd left the children with her parents and wanted to get back to them. I've no idea what time she actually left as she didn't say anything just slipped off. Did I mind? No. It was lovely to see her regardless.

I don't see how it's "controlling" of her to go early. The meal sounds late (my evening party was starting around 7:30pm) imo. Your sister should be happy her friend will be there at all and find something more worthwhile to worry about.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 07/07/2019 16:20

YABU. Was the 3-year-old invited? It's a wedding, not a conference to negotiate world peace. Not everyone has childcare on tap. She gave plenty of notice.

Cookit · 07/07/2019 16:20

I don’t think it’s remotely rude. She’s allowed to leave whenever she wants and as long as she doesn’t storm out it should be fine.

I hate how weddings are only about the B&G (and then really just the bride) and the lives of guests are completely irrelevant - they can’t complain having to give up a weekend, or take holiday from work, or the cost involved or spending time away from children..

Underhisi · 07/07/2019 16:22

We had to do this. Disabled child who needs routine. We were told meal would be at 5 but didn't start till 6 so we had to leave half way through

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 07/07/2019 16:25

7.30 is very late for meal and speeches. A more considerate time means she would have been there.

Tavannach · 07/07/2019 16:26

I think it's a bit odd tbh, but she's making the effort to attend and she didn't schedule the meal.

wellbuggerme · 07/07/2019 16:28

well OP since you have a baby surely then you`d have a bit of understanding!

its not your wedding.

LoveYourHome9 · 07/07/2019 16:28

I’d find this a little off tbh.

Especially as she has childcare and it’s her parents looking after DC. I know baby is 8 months and that’s still quite little bit I think if it was my best friends/more like sisters wedding then I’d either bring them as invited or at least say GP are babysitting, I will stay as long as I can, if baby really doesn’t settle without me, I will need to pop out early. Even in this situation, I think it would be my DH leaving to see to baby if needed seeing as it was my best friends wedding.

You mention she is quite controlling anyway and especially with children. Do you think her ‘announcing’ it is just her way of somehow controlling a part of the day? Does she have form for this?

It would secretly annoy me, but I think I’d be inclined to just brush it off, say oh that’s totally fine, in fact do you need to leave earlier/maybe not stay not for the meal at all? And would it be easier if you see seated you at the back so you can slip away without notice?

Pieceofpurplesky · 07/07/2019 16:28

She may not want to eat?

Clutterbugsmum · 07/07/2019 16:28

You and your sister should accept that her friend is going at all. Your friend is doing the best thing for her, and how long she is happy to leave her children. Not everyone is happy to leave their young children for that length of time.

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