To tell people it’s often worth persevering with breastfeeding

[BarberBabyBubbles]

Obviously not if baby at risk or mum at risk in any way and bf not helping. Or if mum just doesn’t want to etc etc.

But for my own part, I really really struggled with bf DD1. Just the usual really - sore nipples, cluster feeding for hours, blocked ducts, she lost a normal amount of weight at first but it worried me as I was new to it.

But after about 2-3 months it was very easy and very convenient FOR ME. Yes there were benefits to the baby but my life was also a lot easier. My mum suggested I stick with it because it would be beneficial in the long term and she was right.

I feel like bf gets a bad press. I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round). I do wonder if people could see the benefits after the tricky bit is over they might stick at it a bit more?

The support I know is sadly not really there but also I think it’s a shame some people stop when in the “normally difficult” period.

Depends how normally difficult the difficult period is. It can be hell. I’m fairly sure when I was in the phase someone telling me to carry on as would be worth preserving would have made me feel shit when I already did anyway, not sure it will be advice that would be well received.

And having both formula fed one child and breastfed another...neither was more convenient. Making up bottles isn’t the huge chore those who breastfeed tell you it is

Hi OP

I think you're right. I found it hell for about 8 weeks both times, there was lots of tears (mine) and screaming and night wakes but both times I've been glad I did it. Made travelling and comforting and lots of things so much easier.

I was lucky i had a friend who did tell me to expect it to be awful at first and i had a supportive group where i realised it was all normal.

If I hadn't had this I would have given up as nct and midwives and HVs all said it should be easy as long as positioning was right

However I think this is a hard message to put out there as it can come across to people who have struggled that they should have 'tried harder' (I know that's not what you mean but when people are already feeling sensitive about something that's how it can be taken)

It's really really hard to say anything positive about breastfeeding without it starting an argument which is a shame. Its such an emotive subject

Yeah the midwives basically bullied me to breastfeed my first, even though I was bleeding so much it looked like cream of tomato when expressed, and I was crying and begging for formula. They wouldn't give it. Anyway, in retrospect I'm very grateful. They set me up to breastfeed all my kids. Would never have done it otherwise. And you're right, it does become much easier and so convenient. But honestly, nothing short of their abusive and controlling behaviour would have got me though. Someone waltzing past saying ooh breast is best would have meant nothing. There's already a lot of pressure on mothers.

My daughter was hospitalised because she had lost so much weight and was at risk of fitting. If only I’d ‘just stuck with it a bit longer’ hey?🙄

I like the phrase ‘ the plural of anecdote is not data’ - great that you had a decent experience of it in the end. Not the same for many people

YANBU. I agree. I too had a hard start with baby 2. He was 6 weeks early, spent time in ICU, it took a full 6 weeks of expressing 5 to 8 times a day, attempting breast at every feed then topping up with EBM bottles before we got breastfeeding properly established. It was exhausting both physically & emotionally. BUT he's now 10months, still breastfed on demand, it's so so so easy and I absolutely love the bond it gives me with him. I would absolutely go through the exhaustion of those first 6 weeks again because the payoff at the other end is well worth it.

I know breastfeeding is not for everyone, for all the reasons you note & more. But in my case it was well worth persevering.

What's with all the bf threads in the last 2 days? Yes it's worked for you and well done. You dont need to tell anyone to stick with it. I'm sure a mother can decide for herself whether it works for her and it's her choice.

I agree with the pp that having done both breastfeeding and bottle feeding neither is really more convenient than the other. Of course if breastfeeding you're always good to go and there's no equipment to faff with. However bottles aren't a big hassle and other people can help feed, you can leave baby for a few hours with someone and have a bit of time for yourself etc. So both have benefits and drawbacks.

I agree that lots of people stop during the difficult bit and if they persevered, yes it would get easier. However if the difficult bit is making you ill or feels just too much then I think telling people to persevere just makes them feel crap when they stop....like they're a quitter. That's how I took it when I stopped breastfeeding DS1 at 5 months anyway, even if that's not how comments were intended.

It depends. I remember one night DH waking up to find me sobbing in the living room while BFing DD (she must have been around 2 months old) because it was so painful and it was making me hate my baby. I ha seen a BF counsellor etc, nothing helped - and I got through most of labour without pain relief, so I have a fairly high pain threshold I think. Telling me it was worth persevering would have been hugely unhelpful.

In the end allowing myself to give her some formula and take the pressure off meant that we carried on feeding far longer (til 1 year, when she gave up herself).

I think you’re right, OP. I don’t understand why “give it one more day” is considered such an outrageous thing to say on Mumsnet.
I would like every woman who wants to try breast feeding to be given a card that says

1. It is perfectly normal and safe for a full term healthy baby to lose up to 10% of its birthweight.
2. It is very unlikely that you will have any milk for the first 2/3 days- this is perfectly normal and fine.
3. Milk is stimulated by suckling- the more the baby feeds, the better and quicker the supply and demand process establishes itself. Avoid top ups if you possibly can- they can slow up the process.
4. Most women can breastfeed. But they may not want to. If you don’t want to, don’t. Nobody’s business but yours.

No. Just stop it. How long another woman tries for, how hard she tries, what other factors might be at play, all those things are her business. You don’t get to define “normally difficult”, and it’s unfair of you to assume that your “normal” is anyone else’s.

I'm grateful to my midwife with my first. Showed me how to bf lying down and the 'rugby ball' technique ie holding baby as if she was a rugby ball you were about to throw.

I had quite a traumatic birth ending in an emergency c section, I managed to give her the colostrum, tried again at home, the pain after a c section is manageable but that coupled with the pain of breastfeeding was too much, and because I couldn't hardly get out of bed to get her from her Moses basket I had to depend on my partner to help with night feeds.

I feel sad about it often, I wish sometimes I could have done it for her, I've tried again but there's nothing there anymore!

@Nishky see my first sentence “not if mum at rue in any way”

Interesting responses. Yeah I cried lots of tears with dd1. I suppose cos my mum told me to stick with it it was ok - she’d been there and done it and is my mum!

For me it’s like when I’ve been struggling on a run and my dh says try and get to that next tree or similar.

*at risk

Do we need another BF thread?

I've FF one, BF (extended) another and I've tube fed (expressed for 6 months but all was given via NG tube) my 3rd DC!

I think I can safely say how you feed your baby is no-ones else's business or concern.

Well done on feeding your baby OP..... but you really aren't special or unique. We all feed our babies.

I didn't have a particularly hard time with bf. But I would still have appreciated someone telling me that it does get easier - that the baby would feed less frequently and for shorter periods, that it wouldn't always be a faff to latch them on. I feel like there's such low general knowledge of breast-feeding past 6 weeks or so.

(that's not to mention all the doctors/nurses/dentists who jumped straight to "you can just stop now! it's okay to stop!" with every single (unrelated) health problem i had post-birth. "Can I take this if I'm breastfeeding?" "Hmm not sure, but YOU CAN STOP NOW IT'S OKAY TO STOP YOU CAN'T TELL THEM APART ON THE PLAYGROUND YOU DON'T GET A MEDAL YOU KNOW!")

"I feel like bf gets a bad press. I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round). I do wonder if people could see the benefits after the tricky bit is over they might stick at it a bit more?"

Yanbu. I'm all in favour of fed is best etc but at the same time it does make me sad that we live in such an anti-bf society.

Yes, it is hard to establish bf but I'm so glad that I persevered! I received all sorts of negativity though e.g. a sentence starting with "well once you've got bf out of the way..." as it turns out I love breastfeeding and I know this sounds a bit extreme but it's one of the best things I've ever done in my life. If we could just all respect each other's choices the world would be a much nicer place.

YABU

@ffiffi8
That sounds very tough. My friend went through similar. I hope you have people to talk to about it.

@BarberBabyBubbles -why don’t you volunteer as a breast feeding counsellor. May be more helpful to women than a smug post on a social media site?

Presumably you are wanting people to say well done?

I've done a bit of both. Breastfeeding was horrendous to me, my nipples were blistered and bleeding, it just didn't work. I had loads and loads of support, saw five desperate breastfeeding advisors, and it didn't get better. I persevered for six weeks and started to feel my mental health deteriorating and then I stopped. It's great if it's easy, but those who find it easy, or even just a little bit tough at the start but then it clicks, often underestimate how tough it can really be.

In contrast bottle feeding was great. Breast feeders go on about the 'faff' but it's just a bit of washing up, what's faffy about that?

Give over. Just because your mother pushed herself on you doesnt make it ok to tell others to try harder. Really? Did you not read the massive thread on why women might not want to breastfeed?

I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round).

I've had a lot of well-intended "oh gosh STILL breastfeeding, well DONE!" like it's some hellish ordeal, when it really wasn't at all for me. I feel a bit uncomfortable being praised for something that (for me) is easier than bottle-feeding anyway.

The best advice I was given was “never give up on your worst day”. It really saw me through the shit days (and there were plenty in the beginning!)

Fed dd for 2.5 years. By which time I was definitely ready to give up and there were no more bad days.