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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell people it’s often worth persevering with breastfeeding

373 replies

BarberBabyBubbles · 07/07/2019 13:04

Obviously not if baby at risk or mum at risk in any way and bf not helping. Or if mum just doesn’t want to etc etc.

But for my own part, I really really struggled with bf DD1. Just the usual really - sore nipples, cluster feeding for hours, blocked ducts, she lost a normal amount of weight at first but it worried me as I was new to it.

But after about 2-3 months it was very easy and very convenient FOR ME. Yes there were benefits to the baby but my life was also a lot easier. My mum suggested I stick with it because it would be beneficial in the long term and she was right.

I feel like bf gets a bad press. I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round). I do wonder if people could see the benefits after the tricky bit is over they might stick at it a bit more?

The support I know is sadly not really there but also I think it’s a shame some people stop when in the “normally difficult” period.

OP posts:
applepieicecream · 07/07/2019 17:33

I breastfed, I bloody hated being tied to the baby and found it a total bind. I persevered (5 months) long enough to find out that it wasn’t worth the persevering

Emmapeeler · 07/07/2019 17:36

I found BF my first hell for at least eight weeks if not more. I am not sure I could actively advise anyone I go through that, but you are right that what I experienced was probably ‘normally difficult’. It was then very easy from then onwards.

Original poster
BarberBabyBubbles · 07/07/2019 17:36

I think what I mean is that people need to know that in the beginning:

  • it’s normal for it to hurt
  • it’s normal for baby to lose up to 10% of their weight
  • it’s normal for babies to cluster feed for hours (this in itself does not mean you have low supply)
  • it is often relentless and draining at first

But often after the first couple of months it gets easier and there are lots of benefits for you etc etc It is not a relentless slog!

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 07/07/2019 17:37

Vulpine rightly or wrongly it was the thought of having to get up in the night to make a bottle that kept me going through cluster feeding, way more than the health benefits at that point.

Original poster
BarberBabyBubbles · 07/07/2019 17:37

But yes of course you can’t generalise which is why I’ve used “often” a lot!

OP posts:
isadoradancing123 · 07/07/2019 17:41

No, there is nothingwell done about it,

Sandybval · 07/07/2019 17:46

My baby lost 8% of her birth weight, which actually if 10% is considered normal I feel so upset as they made a huge sing and dance about it and forced me onto formula. I wish I had known more at the time about milk coming in after a few days etc; but I was so vulnerable and poorly myself in those days and terrified I was harming her by feeding how I wanted to. I guess looking back they didn't have the resources and so easier to just say switch to formula. She has absolutely thrived on formula and I haven't found it a hassle. As said earlier in the thread I just felt regret as I wanted to BF, not because I believe formula is bad or anything. If I hadn't been able to physically produce milk (which is possible, I'll never really know) I would have come to terms with it better I think, and having someone be able to say persevering may work (alongside formula I'm guessing) I would have tried it.

Quaffy · 07/07/2019 17:47

And I’m not stressing about dental issues from bottles either. I think, with there being so much clear, proven science re the health risks of formula instead of breastfeeding, everyone should give it their best, and persevere as long as they can. Everyone has a different set of circumstances, a different amount of support and a different level of tolerance, so perseverance will differ for each woman. But I really do think we should all give it our individual best shot

And people ask why those who FF get defensive.

I have no problem at all with OP sharing her experience and offering some hope to women who want to carry on but don’t know whether it will get any better. The problem is it always descends into people commenting on how FF Mothers haven’t done as well for their baby as BF mums - and yes, that is exactly the net effect of what you are saying if you are going on about “proven... health risks” of formula feeding.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/07/2019 17:50

But at the same time why should anyone have to pretend that the health risks or health benefits don't exist

MiniMiniMinistrone · 07/07/2019 17:51

Agree, OP. The beginning was shockingly difficult for me. But I was determined, and the NCT breast-feeding helpline was beyond brilliant. Later on (about a year in) there were a couple of problems with biting - again NCT helpline were absolutely brilliant. Couldn't have done it without them. The health visitors just didn't seem to know what to do, so I really do believe in getting specialist help! I know its not for everyone, but I enjoyed breastfeeding and so did my son, so I'm glad I was determined to manage it and found the help I needed.

Nishky · 07/07/2019 17:53

@SnuggyBuggy I wholeheartedly agree. I was given completely different advice by two midwives- within the space of two hours- the second one told me the exact opposite to the previous advice. My experience is that there is very little support for mothers who do want to breastfeed but struggle

MiniMiniMinistrone · 07/07/2019 17:54

p.s. OP, one of the benefits for me was co-sleeping and breast-feeding at night. I never had to get up in the night. I honestly slept brilliantly all through my son's babyhood and toddlerhood. I never had a broken night's sleep! It was wonderful. Of course not everyone can do this for practical reasons e.g. going back to work early etc, but it was a saving grace for me, as I was on my own and had no help.

MiniMiniMinistrone · 07/07/2019 17:55

Nishky, I agree, very little support. I struggled massively and couldn't get help!!!! At the risk of repeating myself, the NCT breastfeeding line was very, very good.

SummerHouse · 07/07/2019 17:57

I breastfed expressing for 5 months. It was my life. Expressing, washing, sterilising and feeding was probably 8 hours a day. There was a lot of pressure and a lot of support (which was essentially well intentioned pressure). He never did latch on and cup feeding was extremely stressful and upsetting. He was on expessed bottles from pretty much the start. Not sure I would choose to do that again. It's a tricky message that if you preserve it gets easier but it shouldn't be scilenced. It's an emotional issue.

Quaffy · 07/07/2019 17:57

There’s a time and a place for mentioning it. This thread was about how breastfeeding gets easier for some women, not about whether women should breastfeed.

There is also a difference between talking about the benefits of breastfeeding (fair enough) and talking about the “risks” of formula feeding, which is commenting emotively and negatively about something which a lot of women do, for a wide variety of reasons (I think it’s bullshit to say you are risking your baby’s health if you FF but even if it were true it didn’t need saying in this thread).

Sandybval · 07/07/2019 17:58

There are no health risks to formula, and marginal benefits to BF. This is why it's hard to discuss it on MN as people with their very extreme views think it's appropriate to brandish them about even when the topic isn't even about that. Disgusting.

Emmapeeler · 07/07/2019 17:59

The NCT helpline was brilliant for me too. I emailed them in tears in the middle of the night once and they rang me at 7am and gave me such lovely, helpful advice. I had next to no support from the hospital - whenever the nurse with breastfeeding knowledge came round my DD chose to go to sleep! The nurse was very well-meaning but just really busy. She did tell me not to worry about feeding schedules though.

BertrandRussell · 07/07/2019 18:00

There is also the problem that formula users on Mumsnet seem to think of themselves as a beleaguered minority- even though eh overwhelming number of babies in the U.K. are formula fed. It’s very odd indeed.

Freudianslip1 · 07/07/2019 18:02

I was a militant breastfeeder until my baby was born 😬 My pain threshold is high, natural birth etc but the pain from bf was excruitating. I had to stay in hospital for 5 days and was not allowed to give baby any formula or water as it would confuse him apparently. He used to feed for about 20 hours a day, I lost track of how many times my pad flooded through to the sofa I seemed to never get off and the health visitor said this was all great and would start my off well on my breastfeeding journey Hmm If I had had access to painkillers I probably would have overdosed, those first few weeks were the lowest time of my life. Definitely not worth perservering with.

Now that I've had 3dc I think BF is like childbirth; every woman has a different experience and it's subjective, which is why I cannot stand the 'breastfeeding is so easy!' tag line that advocates use. There was nothing easy for me in having mastitis, blocked ducts, cracked nipples, all whilst having a screaming hungry baby.

BertrandRussell · 07/07/2019 18:03

People who post positive bf stories always hedde them about with caveats “I was lucky” and so on. And thus we create a culture where people assume that the won’t be able to bf, and will only be able to by great good fortune

Sandybval · 07/07/2019 18:05

Because this is a thread about what can be done to support women who want to to BF but either give up or can't but could do things to help their supply and build it up; not about debating how formula stacks up with breastfeeding. Threads about it on here always get savage, and personal about how they are stupid, lazy, selfish etc. How about just one thread where it doesn't get detailed by this, otherwise nothing will ever change. FFS.

Alexkate2468 · 07/07/2019 18:05

I get what you mean OP. I think you’re meaning encouragement rather than forceful preaching. I wish someone had done that for me. With my 1st I gave up after a few weeks. I had no support, nobody I knew breast fed and I was poorly informed.

With my 2nd I’d had much mire exposure to information, support was MUCH better and I had people encouraging me to get through it. I’m SO grateful they did. Never did I feel like I was being pushed.

I guess the key things are knowing the other person and having the relationship already established so you know which approach will be helpful. People are different and don’t respond to things in the same way. I wouldn’t bring it up with someone who I wasn’t close to or couldn’t read well enough to be pretty sure it would be helpful.

I often feel sad that I didn’t give my dd the best start in life. Knowing what I know now, I could have got through the scabs, the bleeding, the mastitis, the IV abtibiotics and a hospital stay. I could because I did the 2nd time and all because of encouragement to keep going.

BF rates are low and I find the UK quite anti bf outside my social circles. We have a long way to go.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/07/2019 18:07

I think it's more I was lucky because I had encouragement from DM, good local BF support and a surprisingly clued up HV (BFd her own kids I guess) for example rather than because I was lucky to produce milk.

Not everyone gets proper support at the right time. Now when talking to pregnant friends who say they hope to breastfeed I always tell them that medically the vast majority of women can because that doesnt seem to be what women believe in the UK if that makes sense. Maybe that's the message that should go on posters instead of breast is best.

TheDarkPassenger · 07/07/2019 18:10

It is okay for someone to say they don’t want to go through a month of pain because it will get better.

I’ve done both and found formula way, way easier, but I do have a dishwasher

Useruseruser91 · 07/07/2019 18:12

*I think what I mean is that people need to know that in the beginning:

  • it’s normal for it to hurt
  • it’s normal for baby to lose up to 10% of their weight
  • it’s normal for babies to cluster feed for hours (this in itself does not mean you have low supply)
  • it is often relentless and draining at first
* I totally agree with this. Better information at the start.

However I breastfed for several months with DC2. The pain got easier but the anxiety I felt around breastfeeding only increased and it is my biggest regret carrying on breastfeeding for so long. I only did it for that long because early on so many (well meaning) mums told me how much easier it got for them. Because I was vulnerable and hormonal I felt under pressure to carry on. I wish those well-meaning mums had said it was ok to give up