To tell people it’s often worth persevering with breastfeeding

[BarberBabyBubbles]

Obviously not if baby at risk or mum at risk in any way and bf not helping. Or if mum just doesn’t want to etc etc.

But for my own part, I really really struggled with bf DD1. Just the usual really - sore nipples, cluster feeding for hours, blocked ducts, she lost a normal amount of weight at first but it worried me as I was new to it.

But after about 2-3 months it was very easy and very convenient FOR ME. Yes there were benefits to the baby but my life was also a lot easier. My mum suggested I stick with it because it would be beneficial in the long term and she was right.

I feel like bf gets a bad press. I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round). I do wonder if people could see the benefits after the tricky bit is over they might stick at it a bit more?

The support I know is sadly not really there but also I think it’s a shame some people stop when in the “normally difficult” period.

Gosh op. If only mum’s had come across that thought before! It’s completely unique and original.
Clearly not.
All you’re doing is creating more pressure to beat some mum’s over the head with.
It’s great for you but as pp said, the plural of anecdote is not data so shush. Thanks.

Breastfed for just over a year, everyone said it was best and to persevere and it ruined my first year with my baby, I really didn't enjoy it. As soon as I stopped I was happier and our bond was stronger, everyone is different.

Another one of these threads. Great.

I would like to see BF talked about as normal. It is the normal way human babies are fed.

I am very glad there are alternatives for those who need or want them. There haven't been, through history, and babies died. But it is normal.

One of the challenges in the UK is we have lost, over 2 generations, cultural knowledge of breastfeeding, close multigeneration communities who would support and help women, and modern life means we are under loads of pressure to be up and about quickly rather than lying in periods post birth to recover and establish feeding.

At the same time, there's been a huge marketing push by Big Milk that has undermined breastfeeding, very deliberately.

When we talk about this we also talk about personal agency,, persistence etc without recognising that there are very powerful macroeconomic factors that are also informing our choices.

And while in the UK there are minimal health risks related to formula, in lots of countries that can be fatal. In fact there are increasing reports in the UK that poor women are watering formula down. It is expensive. Very expensive

In some contexts, that persistence and understanding can be lifesaving. So YANBU. Health professionals and other workers should be equipped to help women get over the hump, if they are able to and want to.

It was the not having to get up in the middle of the night that kept me going with bf

I found bf a nightmare right from the start. I had two very big, hungry babies! However, I also had a lovely bf counsellor who came to help me in my darkest hours! I ended up using a nipple shield for both dc every time I fed them and they (and I) managed much better this way. I used to feed them all the time or so it seemed, but it somehow worked. I'd have used formula if the nipple shield hadn't been available. In my experience you can become a bit evangelical about bf if you manage to do it, but it's a very personal decision and nobody should ever be made to feel that they are being judged for doing / not doing it.

I tried nipple shields and felt like she was getting more but they discouraged me from doing that, or giving any formula. In the end I felt like I didn't have any choice.

I actually think all the people telling me to keep going was more harmful than helpful. My baby wasn't thriving and that was normalized in an effort to get me to continue to breastfeed.

@BarberBabyBubbles you can say that "of course" I did the right thing but threads like this will always make me question it. Did I just need to push through the difficult bit? Every professional I spoke to, except one, told me to continue to breastfeed. And now I'm just another person that gave up.

@Zone4flaneur YES. Great post!

@Zone4flaneur agree. Great post!

You're not being unreasonable. I had a horrific first 4 months, and frankly it wasn't easy til 7 months. Still going at 23 months and incredibly glad I persevered

So those of us who are concerned about a non BF culture in the UK, this article is really interesting
www.bmj.com/content/321/7270/1196.1.short?casa_token=s7L1O4_ojrcAAAAA:mJ2lB1prebZMDWAQ6BLx6HCUGWH-ndo7pcUx8HB84qgjU19hJlyZCikoz_EYUGZsidJ32KIHfQ

I'm hoping that link works. I completely agree with PP that breastfeeding needs to be viewed as normal. There are other options for those who choose them but BF is the norm in most cultures.

The argument that there is no difference between FF and BF is also a dangerous notion to tout. On an individual level yes, most posters here who FF probably have children just as healthy as BF children BUT scientific studies generally come to the conclusion that BF is healthier across the population.

I think education and giving people access to current research us vital.

Interesting article. 19 years old but I suspect the findings would be replicated now perhaps even more dramatically.

Barber. Here's a more recent one. I didn't even look at the date and I call myself a scientist!!!!

www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10410236.2017.1351275?casa_token=6vzo8wLJ-2MAAAAA:Ny-PqhowdwlfVWL6ghHzjpzS5sS0RehuJt6xjxIqQk9N3P393QCIs1xfZqPw10vC2FGToQcO0LI

I breastfed my son for 14 months. My milk didnt come in for 6 days and by then he was at risk of brain damage due to jaundice. It was horrendous. I had great supply after that and kept it up. Bugger only slept through once I stopped. Had horrendous post natal anxiety due to sleep deprivation a result of feeding all bloody night. No way I would breastfeed number 2 if I ever build up enough courage to do it again. So not worth it! Nice tommy tippie bottle making machine for me!

There are also some very big business beasts with a vested interest in promoting formula. And Mumsnet is a logical place for them to hang around, shutting down positive BF conversations. Paranoid? Maybe- but it is pretty extreme.

I suppose it depends.. If you don't mind your memory of the first few months with your baby being hell, painful, not leaving the house etc, then it's worth it for the long term benefits. For some people it's just too much for their mental health and relationship with their child.
If it works, brilliant, but if not, it's a very long time to force yourself to stick at it IF it's making you miserable (obviously lots of people aren't and that's great)

On MN there was an ama about birth in Japan. There they give the baby a bottle/s for the first day or so to give the mother's milk a chance to come in. But ime that would have helped a lot instead of trying to feed a squalling baby when you are exhausted and in pain from the birth. Especially as baby was small and everyone was obsessed with it having to gain weight. The stress of it all affected my milk production I think.

But there is no "normal difficulty" for some people blocked ducts, mastitis is too much to bear, for others not so much. It's a very personal experience and I think it's pretty bloody arrogant to suggest new mums should persevere if they're struggling.

BarberBabyBubbles you should know saying the word breastfeeding let alone giving opinions/tips is the quickest way to be called smug/receive nasty comments. It's so weird I've never come across anything like it before. Both are valid choices so I've no idea why people are so defensive. The only reason to be ashamed of your feeding choices is if you're not feeding the baby at all!

It depends how you say it.
I had a baby who wouldn't latch for anything. I ended up pumping for 7 months which was horrible and incredibly time consuming. I was pumping whilst my baby slept as per the advice given to me as I continued to pump to get enough milk after baby finished feeding and fell asleep. I was so so tired. Anyway, I managed 7 months of pumping only to be told dismissively by another mother that they had persevered and therefore managed to breastfeed. I felt like shit and I wont lie, I shed a few tears.

“I suppose it depends.. If you don't mind your memory of the first few months with your baby being hell, painful, not leaving the house etc, then it's worth it for the long term benefits.”
See- I realise that you’re quite rightly sharing your own experience- and it sounds crap.

But you do seem to be suggesting that is a pretty universal experience-and that’s just as misleading to a first timer as saying it’s all fluffy clouds and flowers and baby snuffling charmingly away 4 tines a day. If I posted anything as positive as your post was negative, i’d be annihilated!

YABU fuck off my tits my choice I choose to feed my children you dont get to choose how

I rest my case.........!

Disclaimer: I had a dreadful time with DS1...at 5 days old he was hospitalised due to jaundice and excessive weight loss. He had to be tube fed. I tried to persevere with pumping and honestly I'd pump for an hour and produce 10-15ml. I ended up with severe, suicidal PND. So yes I'm very touchy about BF, especially when I've been told on more than one occasion 'if you'd really wanted to you could have made it work'. It really doesn't work for everyone and I really do wish everyone would mind their own business and just let people get on with feeding their babies whichever way works best for them.

Yes, experiences are not universal. Of the four breastfeeding women in my antenatal group, while there have some issues with getting established (me most dramatically), none of us were unable to go out for weeks or in terrible pain. And of those four babies, three have slept through from eight weeks. I'm truly sorry for those who do have such negative experiences but it's most certainly not the case for everyone and there's no harm in balance.