To tell people it’s often worth persevering with breastfeeding

[BarberBabyBubbles]

Obviously not if baby at risk or mum at risk in any way and bf not helping. Or if mum just doesn’t want to etc etc.

But for my own part, I really really struggled with bf DD1. Just the usual really - sore nipples, cluster feeding for hours, blocked ducts, she lost a normal amount of weight at first but it worried me as I was new to it.

But after about 2-3 months it was very easy and very convenient FOR ME. Yes there were benefits to the baby but my life was also a lot easier. My mum suggested I stick with it because it would be beneficial in the long term and she was right.

I feel like bf gets a bad press. I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round). I do wonder if people could see the benefits after the tricky bit is over they might stick at it a bit more?

The support I know is sadly not really there but also I think it’s a shame some people stop when in the “normally difficult” period.

@ffiffi8 please, please don’t give yourself a hard time, I think a lot of my pnd was linked to my feelings of failure. Looking back I wish I could have forgiven myself and enjoyed my first few months with my baby more.

It doesn’t define you as a mum, it really doesn’t xx

@Nishky - no I don’t want people to say well done. I suppose I hope it might help someone who is currently struggling.

The idea about becoming a bf counsellor is a good one!

I think there’s loads of people telling you to persevere, it does get easier, try this hold and that hold, adjust the latch, cluster feeding is normal, painful bleeding nipples is normal, crying hungry baby losing weight is normal, crying every time your baby cries because you have to feed them again and it’s going to hurt more than the birth but you have to “persevere” and do it 20 fucking times a day.

Maybe we need to tell women it’s ok to stop.

Unless people ask you about your experiences I’d leave well alone.

Why do you have to tell anyone anything about how they should feed their baby?
Why can't you mind your own business?

I think encouragement to continue is important, but equally so is "permission" to stop. And I put it like that because of course whilst no one needs it, for many women it can feel like a great relief.

I know a lot of my friends are thankful that they persevered and we're encouraged with breastfeeding. I'm also eternally thankful to my mum - who had breastfed two babies herself, and also helped my sister breastfeed - who told me "you tried, it's not working for you, you can stop and he'll be fine".

Encouragement needs to be based on the needs of mum and baby, not based arbitrarily on one method of feeding or another.

Obviously not if baby at risk or mum at risk in any way and bf not helping. Or if mum just doesn’t want to etc etc.

Just repeating my first sentence as some posters seem not to have read it.

@sar302 you’re completely spot on with that way of putting it

I think there should always be support for mothers who want to breastfeed and are struggling, yes up can be difficult to start with (we had a bosom buddies locally) as it is good to go somewhere were people who are going through the same as you can have an open discussion about breastfeeding without being judged.

I don't think it's anyone's place to "promote" breastfeeding I do however think it's good before birth to educate mothers so they can make an informed decision about how they choose feed.

Yanbu in your view but yabu for posting about it on MN which is notoriously anti BF threads

I'm not from the UK and I have never got my head around why the UK has such low BF rates , where I'm from it's very common to BF for a good year and beyond.

I agree more information needs to be given based on scientific fact on BF as well as support through the difficult times but sadly on MN I think you'll be quite a lone voice with your view but I'm totally with you.

And having both formula fed one child and breastfed another...neither was more convenient. Making up bottles isn’t the huge chore those who breastfeed tell you it is

This.

Depends if Mum is on medication or has had a mastectomy, these things are never easy for some folks for a variety of reasons and they should not be judged

Depends why someone is struggling really. Of my Nct group, two found it easy, one got on ok but had saw nipples and mastitis, one had tongue tie and latch issues and one had a disaster of a time (me). The message of it can get better would have helped number 4 on the list. It did for her with support. It would have made me feel even more shit than I already did. My first two weeks with my first were spent in tears with me spiralling into depression. That was as a result of feeling like a failure that I couldn’t feed my baby.i had support every day but it was making me miserable and my baby was failing to thrive. Everyone was much happier when I switched to formula. How many more weeks of misery should I have persevered for on the off chance it got better?

I combi feed my DS and can honestly say neither is more difficult than the other. Washing bottles is not a ‘faff’, no more so than making sure baby has the correct latch! It’s just washing up, unless you DON’T wash up then washing a bottle is really not a hardship.

I love breastfeeding. Now. I didn’t love it when I was only giving my DS breastmilk. It was hard, I was getting no more than 5 hours sleep a night, in bits so not even a decent block of sleep. I was chained to the sofa for hours at a time. It was giving me symptoms of PND so I don’t think giving him formula on my ‘worst day’ was the wrong decision, I think it stopped me from developing PND.

If breastfeeding is relatively easy for some I think they find it hard to understand that it’s not the same for everyone. There is a lot of encouragement for women to breastfeed but I think the way breastfeeding is ‘encouraged’ can often seem like bullying and coercing with mothers who choose to formula feed being looked down on. Bear in my I say this as someone who uses both methods to feed their baby. I think another problem is women end up feeling like they failed in some way if they can’t breastfeed for any reason. I don’t mean this in a nasty way but women who do breastfeed exclusively can often be smug and a bit preachy. This is my personal experience and not an insult to anyone on here, I’m sure you’re all lovely!

I gave up when my body reacted instinctively to the pain by chucking the baby to the end of the bed. Even if told that this was normal and would get better in three months I doubt whether I could have continued to force my way through it.

Also fed up of waking up to find my nipples had glued themselves to the mattress, and the only way off was to rip the scab off again.

Practical help might have been useful. Encouragement to keep going because it would get better in the end would just have made me feel even more crap about myself than I already did.

Why on earth have you started yet another BF thread? Hasn't this subject been done to death already?

well, it's Mumsnet, plenty of posters are or have been or are considering breastfeeding, we aren't going to ban BF threads until 2022 or something...

I didn't as she barely latched on at hospital and slept the whole time nearly we were in (about 12 hours after her birth). Got home and would not feed at all like anything and was screaming her head off. Would not calm down to latch on then when eventually latched on, wasn't able to maintain so despite having about a million different positions to try and help. I squeezed and rubbed nipples/breasts and urged them to work.

I automatically switched to a bottle for that night/early morning. She stopped crying and fed fantastic on the bottle and had lost very little weight come day 3 when she was weighed by midwife. So I'm glad even for that small time that I didn't stick with it as my milk didn't properly come in for a couple weeks after that and it would have been torture for her and would of been combined feeding for sure.

Shes a happy healthy thriving baby and that's all that matters. I think this stick with it thing doesn't help as it can fuel PND and feelings of inferiority etc. Each to their own. These type threads can make people feel bad/guilty for not being able to or for not sticking with it.

I agree with this. The first part was hellish and my nipples were in such a state I thought I might end up needing my boobs amputating but after that it made things so much easier with a baby.

Part of the problem for me and I imagine others is I didn't know anyone who was breastfeeding until I was doing it myself and didn't get to see the good convenient part of BF.

Women have to make their own decisions but I think our society can be very quick to encourage people to give up.

What @bluemoon said

I think people should be given more support and information on different choices if they want to encourage breastfeeding. I think mixed feeding could be an excellent choice for some women, but you usually just get told your supply will dry up. Or in my case forced on to formula because baby had lost so much weight; if they had explained that I could perhaps offer the breast on demand (followed by formula) alongside regular pumping there could be a chance of my supply still coming in; this wasnt said though until the 6 week PP check by which time relactation would be possible but extremely hard. I know there is Google, but honestly it is hard to trust sources, and I was so tired I couldn't bear scrolling through pages and pages when I was worried about little ones weight. I think there is something to be said for offering further support and info if this will help (but simply saying it gets better probably won't do much), but also giving support to those who wish to not continue is important too.

There is another thread active right now which is a clone of this one.

YADBU

Also, why are people moaning about threads about breastfeeding, on MUMsnet....?

I agree mixed feeding needs more publicity (if that’s the right word). I think there is a lot of pressure (self imposed in my case) exclusively breastfeed. I also know friends who retrospectively wish they’d done both but didn’t know they could.

I know that making up bottles is not too much faff but in terms of how bf has helped me - it’s stuff like a bit of milk has fixed an eye infection, not having to worry about buying / taking formula on holiday, having a constant supply when severely delayed on a train etc On top of all the health benefits to baby and me. So it’s not just the bottle making!

@Sandybval I think you’re right.