To tell people it’s often worth persevering with breastfeeding

[BarberBabyBubbles]

Obviously not if baby at risk or mum at risk in any way and bf not helping. Or if mum just doesn’t want to etc etc.

But for my own part, I really really struggled with bf DD1. Just the usual really - sore nipples, cluster feeding for hours, blocked ducts, she lost a normal amount of weight at first but it worried me as I was new to it.

But after about 2-3 months it was very easy and very convenient FOR ME. Yes there were benefits to the baby but my life was also a lot easier. My mum suggested I stick with it because it would be beneficial in the long term and she was right.

I feel like bf gets a bad press. I often get a lot of “sympathy” that I am still bf (I’m now bf DD2 and it is so bloody easy this time round). I do wonder if people could see the benefits after the tricky bit is over they might stick at it a bit more?

The support I know is sadly not really there but also I think it’s a shame some people stop when in the “normally difficult” period.

I remember our antenatal teacher with DS1 telling us that for the first 6 weeks, formula is more easy than breastfeeding, but after you've got through that initial tough period, breastfeeding is easier.

I think she was right, and it was definitely good to know that from the start.

But I don't think advice to "stick it out" or "avoid top ups" is especially helpful TBH. I always try and tell new mums to locate their trusted sources of BF support/info before the baby is born. I think that is much more useful advice. The problem isn't so much that breastfeeding is hard at one point and easy at another, it won't magically get easy. If you're lucky and have access to good support either because your midwife and health visitor are well informed or point you towards the right places or you've happened to come across these by yourself then you'll usually be alright. But a lot of mums receive very poor advice or a lack of support from the health professionals they encounter and may never come across good sources of information on breastfeeding. It's not very helpful or supportive in this case to give blind advice to stick it out or avoid top ups.

@RedSheep73 no offence but saying that people ‘feeling guilty’ will ‘make out it doesn’t matter, that formula is just as good’ is the sort of attitude that makes me people react negatively to these sort of threads and makes Mums who can’t/don’t want to breastfeed or have to use formula alongside feel inadequate and inferior.

News flash: Formula IS just as good! FED is best. Just because nutritionally it’s not ‘better’ if it stops a Mum from developing PND and enables her to care for her baby better and bond without the stress of breastfeeding then how can anyone say it’s any less good than breastfeeding? Babies are raised on formula and grow to be happy, healthy children. Just like breastfed babies.

I agree OP. Breastfeeding has worked for us - not because I’ve found it easy, but because I’ve had good support from family who’ve breastfed.

Because of those women I knew what to expect, I knew not to expect it to be easy and i had support when it was tough and I was in pain. I also stocked up on lots of nipple cream

I honestly believe that support makes the biggest difference. I love breastfeeding dd now, but if I hadn’t known it would get better then I probably would have given up after a week when cracked nipples, sore boobs and letdown pain were at their worst.

@BertrandRussell really? It struck me that posters being able to ask a specific question would be a good thing. Wish I was on mumsnet when I was struggling.

Especially as with hindsight I know that the advice I was given by midwives was utter bollocks

@Nishky but there are health benefits. That’s just a fact. I am allowed to say bf has health benefits. It is not an insult.

I know these threads are hard to read for people who struggled and had to stop and perhaps haven’t come to terms with it. I think if that was me I wouldn’t read them if they upset me.

But it can’t be right that we can’t talk about the positives of bf or that I can’t say it does get easier for lots of people.

It wouldn’t, you know. You can’t say anything positive about breastfeeding on MN without being pilloried

This!

And there are also shit loads of threads about parking and the trans debate. Doesn’t bother me - I wouldn’t click on a parking thread because it wouldn’t interest me. This is a parenting site.

Yanbu. It's worth hearing.

How about everyone keeps their thoughts on how others feed their babies to themselves. Job done!

Funnily enough I managed to feed all mine and never felt the urge to discuss it with anyone else in 25 years. Go me

How about everyone keeps their thoughts on how others feed their babies to themselves. Job done!

Because some women might actually want to carry on breastfeeding and hearing individuals who have been successful with it and actually enjoyed it might help that?

There is definitely a culture of ‘it’s fine to breastfeed but don’t talk about it’ on MN.

@BarberBabyBubbles I didn’t say it was an insult, that’s a ridiculous thing to say. I was talking about the subtle shift from ‘this is information that may help people’
To ‘this is why people SHOULD breastfeed’

Surely you can appreciate that difference

Agree with PPs who mention that a lot of mothers WANT to breastfeed but don't know what to expect. If support and advice is helpful to them why would we withhold it?

Formula as a substance isn't just as good. That's not to say there arent valid reasons why a mum would FF or that FF children are inevitably doomed to ill health but pretending it's just as good is patronising.

How about everyone keeps their thoughts on how others feed their babies to themselves. Job done!

Because I know people who stopped but now regret it.
Because bf rates are very low in the uk which suggests that others feel similar.
Because bf gets a bad press as if it’s something we endure when it often gets better.
Because this is a website to discuss parenting issues.

I breastfed DS1 for 3weeks, tried so hard to get him off NG tube feeds, get his weight back up and well again (had meningitis) then it all went downhill at 2weeks. I gave up at 3weeks and I deeply regret that, I fee I could have persevered.
I breastfed and still Am DS2 (now 18months). Yes my nipples were bruised and sore, still bloody are sore tbf. I battled through it and I’m happy I did.
It for me is so much more convenient. Less paraphernalia to lug around especially when on holiday. Don’t need to work out how much milk to take anywhere or worry I’ve ran out.

Unfortunately the support is lacking and expectations are a bit all over the place.
It’s a tough one, but yes sometimes a bit of perseverance does pay off

@Nishky yes I can appreciate the difference. I don’t like the word should and I never used it. I don’t think anyone should feed their baby any way.

I said that I found aspects of bf convenient on top of the health benefits. I don’t see that there is anything wrong with that.

That would be fine OP, and I would ignore you!

@SnuggyBuggy I agree. Telling a bf mum formula is as good as breast milk is as crap as telling a formula feeding mum she should breastfeed. Which is categorically not what this thread is about.

@callmeadoctor

It's fine to give advice if someone asks for it, OP, both in real life and on mumsnet. Giving unsolicited advice often doesn't go down very well though.
To be quite honest, when I decided to give up breastfeeding I'd already made my mind up, and I'd probably have told someone who tried to advise me to keep on trying to fuck off. No offence, it's just I know my own mind.

There's so much generalising with infant feeding discussions. 'Everyone' isn't the same. I tried for 6 months to breastfeed and it didn't work. I had close to zero supply, due to an enormous haemorrhage at birth. I tried expressing - an hour of pumping would get about 5ml of milk.
No amount of fenugreek, adjusting latch, breastfeeding peer support, or anything else helped. I felt alone and judged.
It took the birth debrief and a consultant telling me that losing all that blood meant that my supply was extremely unlikely to come along ever before I forgave myself.

Now, five years on, I'm over it, but at the time, posts like 'well, it's okay to JUST GIVE UP if you don't care that much' (which is often the subtext from those who find it easy) made me close to suicidal. That's why I am v anti the breast is best message.

This is so difficult for me. I just have up breastfeeding two weeks ago. I struggled for the first four weeks, saw all the midwives and support workers, private lactation consultants and multiple breastfeeding counselors.

Everyone said I should be able to breastfeed, my supply seemed good, her latch seemed good. I so desperately wanted to breastfeed.

But she lost over 10% of her weight and struggled to gain it back. She was unhappy all the time, screamed until her crying got really hoarse and shrieky. I tried to keep going but my baby seemed so unhappy and I didn’t know if she was simply hungry.

In the end we switched to formula and the difference in her has been amazing. She still cries of course, but they are for normal cues. Because she is hungry, wants to be held, etc. She’s gaining weight and seems so much happier. Not to mention the first night we didn’t have to set an alarm, she slept for seven hours! We had been doing a two hourly schedule of breastfeed, give expressed milk (while I pumped again), then topped up with formula. I hadn’t slept more than twenty minutes in weeks and was willing to do whatever I needed to, but it still wasn’t enough for her.

I still wonder what I did wrong, what I could have done differently. I see all the posts here where people say they stuck with it and I wonder if I gave up too soon. But I was so worried about my baby and felt guilty putting her health at risk for something I wanted to do.

I don’t know if I made the wrong decision. I keep telling myself that at least she is fed and I know she isn’t hungry anymore.

The flip side of this is also how there are plenty of people trying to discourage BF whether it's someone who subconsciously is trying to justify their own feeding decision or a grandparent who feels they are missing out or someone who doesn't understand cluster feeding and is wrongly believing the baby is starving because they feed too much.

I wonder if it would also be helpful to look at what struggling BF mothers are told and what support is given in countries with higher BF rates. Something is obviously going wrong here that isn't elsewhere.

@Kescilly “the difference in her has been amazing”. Of course you did the right thing. You’ve said it yourself.

Hope you’re ok and congratulations!

I found ff a huge pain in the arse. Especially in the middle of the night