Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 06/07/2019 15:06

It's your place - and the contract states what it states. You are in every right to say no. But, if you want to be more accommodating you could always say he still needs to look at alternative options in the event it is not suitable for you. I cannot see how they are going to keep two kids in a room all day? Is that what he means? Or are they going to be running around the whole place all day?

underneaththeash · 06/07/2019 15:08

Er...no. They need to stay in a hotel.

Treaclesweet · 06/07/2019 15:08

That sounds like hell on earth, tell him no! No arguments, no reasoning- it's your house!

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:09

I said to him, 'I work from home during the week sometimes' and he said 'oh it's fine. With the doors closed it's fine.'

I absolutely do not want kids running riot in my flat for two weeks. How BORED are they going to be anyway? I can absolutely believe they won't go out - he never does.

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 06/07/2019 15:13

It would be a no from me.

He's not listening to your concerns at all; had he attempted to listen there might be a compromise.

At most I would suggest that they are welcome to stay for a weekend only and that this is a very generous good will offer on your part.

WhyTho · 06/07/2019 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/07/2019 15:16

Just say very clearly that the answer is no, you don't want anyone in the flat during the day.

You're never going to say no once they're actually here.

CalmFizz · 06/07/2019 15:19

You need to be blunt now op. When he says it’s fine put your steely voice on and say ‘it is not fine. I do not authorise this visit, he’s a printed copy of the lodger agreement you signed. I suggest you find other accommodation, a hotel or air bnb etc, because they will not be staying at my property. Do not go ahead with this behind my back and think I will tolerate it once your family arrive because I categorically will not. I understand if you no longer want to continue lodging here and want to look for somewhere else, good luck in finding someone to accommodate this.’

OrchidInTheSun · 06/07/2019 15:19

You need to tell him very clearly that they can't stay. And get rid of him - no decent lodger just invites someone to stay without even asking.

He is treating it like a flatshare when it isn't.

Rainbowshine · 06/07/2019 15:20

You’re being too subtle. “Your family can’t stay in during the day” or “you need to find somewhere else for your family to stay, the contract says occasional visitors and that means only person for one night every so of. What you’re requesting isn’t that and isn’t going to work. It’s my home and I need you to respect my space.”

AguerosAngel · 06/07/2019 15:20

Absolutely not.

Point him in the direction of a B&B and tell him to take some time of work to be with them, they can’t just hang around your house! Massive CF!!

TalkinAboutManetManet · 06/07/2019 15:20

I absolutely would not agree to this and he’s taking the piss to even suggest it.

It’s also very cruel on the children. I wouldn’t allow it in my house.

Rainbowshine · 06/07/2019 15:21

So of = so often

EileenAlanna · 06/07/2019 15:21

It's a ridiculous idea. That his wife & DC should sit in a room all day for 2 weeks (which they likely would) is not on. Tell him they can't stay & he'll need to book a hotel for the visit but - if you think it reasonable - you'll not charge him for the 2 weeks while he's away with his family.

StrongTea · 06/07/2019 15:22

He is just ignoring your concerns. Sure they will be nice kids but there will be extra washing, cooking, cleaning and noise and general disruption.

plunkplunkfizz · 06/07/2019 15:22

What contribution is he planning to make to utility costs since the occupancy will more than double?

HJWT · 06/07/2019 15:22

If they are staying he needs to pay his rent x4, its not a hotel!

Mammajay · 06/07/2019 15:23

I would say no but he is welcome to find other accommodation if he wants to. He should have asked you before making any are arrangements. He could find a list cal airbnb for them??

Grumpelstilskin · 06/07/2019 15:23

I would tell him it is a firm no and absolutely not something that lodgers can expect to do. If he remains unreasonable than you will have to just terminate the arrangement. He needs to firmly be reminded that he does not get to dictate to you!

Ponoka7 · 06/07/2019 15:23

It's a dilemma. If they do stay in one room all day, you are watching the kids, be neglected, by our standards.

That's the part that would make me uncomfortable.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 06/07/2019 15:23

You are the landlord here. It is your flat. Put on your big girl panties and simply say “I’m sorry, I know you miss them, but your family cannot stay here”.

Mammajay · 06/07/2019 15:24

I would not offer to not charge his rent for the two weeks.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 06/07/2019 15:25

There is absolutely no way whatsoever that you can let this happen. I cannot even believe there has been no offer to cover additional costs - which could easily come in a an additional 2x his payment, especially with them being in the house all the time. It’s one of those situations where you need to say no clearly and as soon as possible. And repeat. Totally unacceptable.

Gazelda · 06/07/2019 15:26

So 3 extra people wanting to use the loo first thing in the morning. No doubt using gas electric etc to cook. Taking up extra fridge space. Having a front door key so they can go out (they're not going to stay shut indoors for 10 days), which could impact your insurance. Tv on while you're trying to work from home. They'll be phong you'll be quiet in the home once the children go to bed. The children may get up early and all you'll hear is loud shushes from their parents.

Them being there is going to impact on you. So you therefore have every right to say no.

Sooverthemill · 06/07/2019 15:28

You need to say no. Increased costs to you, insurance issues, also his contract. Put it in writing. Or give him notice