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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 09/07/2019 13:31

Brilliant, wishing you the very best of luck with it Smile

DrPeppersPhD · 09/07/2019 13:41

Just as an aside, OP, where do you live?

MakeTeaNotWar · 09/07/2019 22:24

How did it go OP?

lmusic87 · 10/07/2019 10:02

Have you spoken to him again OP?

caringcarer · 10/07/2019 16:09

I would tell him you need a chat. Explain the contract stipulates an occasional overnight stay nothing about children. I would tell him he needs to find weekday accommodation for his family and I would allow his family to stay at weekends when he is there and they are likely to go out through the day.

Motoko · 10/07/2019 18:29

Looks like the OP has disappeared. Wonder if she's spoken to him?

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 10/07/2019 20:47

I've been busy.

I did speak to them and yes, I said no.

OP posts:
MLMsuperfan · 10/07/2019 21:52

Excellent. Well done.

Motoko · 10/07/2019 22:10

Well done. I think you need to come up with a strategy for what you'll do, if they still turn up though.

With a bit of luck, you'll get an arrangement with one of those companies, so then you can give him his notice. I couldn't trust him, after his non acceptance of your "no"s previously.

justilou1 · 11/07/2019 00:05

Yay you!!! I hope he doesn’t turn up with them anyway!!!

33goingon64 · 11/07/2019 12:26

When I was single I had a lodger from a country very far away. She asked if her Mum could come and stay for 6 weeks. There was a bit of backwards and forwards with it and in the end I said 4 weeks and no more. She spent the last 2 weeks in a hotel. It was a tricky situation because there was a culture difference - in her home country a guest is a 'gift from God' and you put yourself out for their comfort. Also I know she was very close to her Mum and missed her. So I tried to find a middle ground that showed willing but not more than I could bear. Very different with whole family/children though. In your position I would definitely refuse.

33goingon64 · 11/07/2019 12:27

Sorry, didn't RTWT.

Slacksandblouse · 11/07/2019 12:54

He doesn’t respect you. He just wants what he wants. Good luck OP. I think you have a nightmare on your hands but it’s yours to enjoy. And I don’t think you really see what people are saying. You say one thing and your lodger overrides you. That is the problem.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 14/07/2019 18:20

Me again - would just appreciate some opinions.

I've had some Monday to Friday interest but not quite sure what to do about viewings etc.

As I mentioned earlier in the thread my lodger is on one month's notice and I've told this to anyone interested.

Do I let people view the communal areas? I can't really show them his room while he's in there. Can I?

Do I have to evict him before doing viewings (I'd rather not)?

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 14/07/2019 18:21

You should give him notice before doing viewings.
Or do them when he's out but that's a bit sneaky IMO.

CodenameVillanelle · 14/07/2019 18:41

You can show his bedroom if you ask him in advance and he agrees.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/07/2019 18:41

Do I let people view the communal areas?

Well yes, of course - and now you know you'll be able to rent the room again I'd definitely give him notice straight away

Above all though, do not under any circumstances allow his family in the house when they arrive. If there's any possibility at all that he still intends to load them onto you, things could get very sticky if he sees that possibility slipping away

Throughthenever · 14/07/2019 19:30

Do you have photos of the room before he moved in so you can show the potentials the communal areas and what the room will be like?

IncandescentShadow · 14/07/2019 20:03

OP - are you in a town beginning with "A" by any chance.

I tried to get lodgers there. Its a strange place. Always men, so many of them with the same story that they had to move by the weekend or similar because their ex was "throwing them out". It was weird.

You have my sympathies if thats what you're getting. I had visions of loads of men going around being utter pains and getting asked to leave their accommodation and then coming out with this story to the next would-be landlady.

But do get him to leave. Its only going to get worse.

Motoko · 14/07/2019 20:59

You need to give him notice before showing potential lodgers round.

MyNewBearTotoro · 14/07/2019 22:33

If you’ve given him notice you can show people around whilst he’s still using the room. This is usual as a persons tenancy comes to an end. If you haven’t given him notice yet you shouldn’t be entering his room with any potential tenants.

MyNewBearTotoro · 14/07/2019 22:34

Sorry, I should clarify if you’ve given him notice to leave rather than just let him know people are coming around. Although obviously you should give him at least 24 hours before any viewings too. But you definitely shouldn’t be showing anyone to his room if you haven’t even let him know you’re going to be kicking him out yet.

Motoko · 15/07/2019 02:15

Plus, you don't want him to find out he's being kicked out, by people coming to view, if he happens to be there. He certainly should be given notice first.

CodenameVillanelle · 15/07/2019 08:02

Plus, you don't want him to find out he's being kicked out, by people coming to view, if he happens to be there

She's given him notice already.

AnotherEmma · 15/07/2019 08:27

Oh I had assumed from the OP's post that she hasn't given him one month's notice yet, but maybe I got that wrong?