to not want my lodger's family to stay?

[Anotherbloodyname123]

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

I think you should tell him to book a b&b for them - and him - for while they are here. I think his wife would feel awkward sharing your flat, especially as it is compact already. Kids wouldn't be wanting to confine themselves to a bedroom and sharing the bathroom with so many would be a nightmare. You would probably put up with it for an overnight stay but 'a few days' is a bit much though no doubt he thinks it won't be problematic if you're at work all day.

Why is wife afraid to go out with the children but without him?

Op as he is a good lodger I think you would be mental to risk losing him. Strict rules including financial penalties for any damage and a bit extra maybe so you can book a premier inn?

I understand why everyone says to say no but I've had lodger who have..
Shat in the sink
Smuggled in rats and kept them loose in their room where the ate the skirting board
Brought a different person home every Fri and sat night and practiced for the sexual Olympics
Someone that snored so loudly even with ear plugs I could hear them
Someone who every morning opened a Tin of sardines /tuna/general fish and put it in a saucer on the floor for the cat we didn't have!
Nice respectful lodgers are like hens teeth. Plus you will have three weeks without him when he goes home.

The bloke is probably desperate as can’t afford a hotel for the family so have some sympathy. But tough shit. Not your problem

I've softened slightly (wine in the sun). If he is as good a lodger as you say, and they are hard to find, then maybe you should let them stay (although prepare for it to be a difficult two weeks, and maybe don't work from home on the Fridays if it will be too much for you).

Shat in the sink
Smuggled in rats and kept them loose in their room where the ate the skirting board
Brought a different person home every Fri and sat night and practiced for the sexual Olympics
Someone that snored so loudly even with ear plugs I could hear them
Someone who every morning opened a Tin of sardines /tuna/general fish and put it in a saucer on the floor for the cat we didn't have

Where do these people come from?!

I’ve been a lodger before but everyone should know this is not part of the deal or acceptable. You live in a two bed flat and it’s your home! I disagree with people guilt tripping you. Good lodger or not up to now he isn’t being so on this point. Just say no. Seriously. You’ll feel like an outsider and impinging on them in your own home when it’s them taking the piss expecting to be able to be there. And did I say before it’s a two bed flat (yes I know I did). How do some people on here think this is reasonable for a week? One night I might turn soft but this is the stuff of nightmares

C'mon! I've been a lodger and house shared. You know damn well that imposing 4 extra people on everyone else for two weeks is not on! FFS, what a pisstake.

@crockof I know.... hence my reluctance to give an outright no I think.
I really dislike having a lodger at all. I'll really struggle with so many . I struggle with one!

Hell no, how can he even think it's okay😐

You don't need to give him reasons, or justify yourself. Just say No, and they will need to rent somewhere for a couple of weeks. The more you give reasons and the more he bats them back to you with answers, the more undermined you will be when you finally do say No.
What he is doing is an almighty, unreasonable imposition in your HOME. He is being totally unreasonable in expecting you to put them all up. Unbelievable.

What you need here is two interchangeable phrases to shut this down completely. I recommend "that won't be possible" and "that won't work for me" and it goes like this:

You: I've decided it won't be possible for (family) to stay
Him: Er, what? I thought you said ...?
You: No, it won't work for me
Him: But if they stay in their rooms all the time ...
You: No, that won't be possible
Him: But why not? You'll hardly known they're there
You: No, it won't work for me
Him: But what am I going to tell them?
You: It won't be possible for me to help with that, I'm afraid

... and so on. You could mention AirB&B if you want to be nice, as long as you're ready to revert to the above what the objections start

Just to offer another perspective.... likely hood is he works here to send money to them, if thats their predicament then hes obviously beyond skint and wont be able to afford a hotel. So if you say no, he wont see his wife or children. I personally would think to myself its only 2 weeks and explain what a hinderence it is to you so he knows. He may then take some time off work. Hes obviously desperate.

Why would they be afraid to leave the flat for two weeks op?

I’m suddenly really torn here.

My initial reaction was YADNBU - & I know you still aren’t - but with you saying what a nice, quiet respectful person he is, & knowing now he only sees his family twice a year, & that he’s currently under the impression they’ll be staying with him for 2 whole weeks & really looking forward to it, I’m actually feeling sorry for him

Can’t think of a solution though. They can’t stay in your flat for 2 weeks, esp not keeping the kids in the bedroom all day

Is there a cultural element to this too? You haven’t said where he’s from, but wherever it is, do people all pile in & share small rooms routinely - so he doesn’t really understand that he’s asking too much?

People saying that the lodger must be working hard to send money home/can't afford to stay in hotel etc...he's clearly able to afford flights here and back for three people...which would indicate that he's not exactly skint 🤷‍♀️

Some really good suggestions for how to communicate with him OP. Hold your nerve. If they come in they won’t leave and you’ll have much more of a battle on your hands. Short term uncomfortable conversation is worth it to prevent a fortnight of feeling awful and put out. Your home, privacy, mental wellbeing, ability to do your work are more important. He didn’t even ask, just assumed you’d accommodate all of them. Whatever their situation and possible challenges that’s cheeky as fuck and totally unreasonable.

I’m rolling my eyes at the inevitable “be nice and make life easier for a man little woman” bs being spouted by a choice few. No. OP isn’t running a bloody charity is she. She doesn’t owe this man anything more than their business arrangement requires and she owes his family nothing at all. She wouldn’t have a lodger if she had the money not to.

It's two weeks of your life and it's his family. They are desperate to see each other and it sounds like from a very different culture. It won't be as bad as you think. Less awkward than having one shy male lodger, to me.

Why can't you see, they won't stay in the room all the time, there will be food needed, washing , clothing and people, the fridge space, the noise, do you really think they won't want to sit on a sofa and watch TV...
This is not your problem.... It is his....

How many loos and bathrooms do you have OP?

It won't be as bad as you think

Ridiculous thing to say.

Don’t do it. We were too British when our lodger invited her boyfriend over to our 2 bed flat. He ended up staying for ages, we couldn’t pee or shower when we wanted, there were no pans left to cook with, shoes were everywhere, there was no space to sit, there was no relaxation at all because they were all over each other. We ended up losing it and chucking them both out. Not worth the angst.
Point out your contract, say he signed it and agreed not to have visitors. it’s not acceptable to have an extra 3 people in the flat for 2 weeks. If he pushes then charge him overnight rent of £80 per person (or something more expensive than getting a hotel). Good luck!

He is presumable a not massively rich immigrant who works abroad to support his family

Try and see the bigger picture rather than the legal contractual one

It’s fucking annoying BUT it must be far harder for him , and them

Legally you have every right but morally you could choose to be kind assuming it’s ONLY 2 weeks

He is presumable a not massively rich immigrant who works abroad to support his family

OP is presumably not well off or she wouldn’t have to have a lodger. Yet you think it’s her obligation to fund a family of 4 for two weeks, the increased utilities and water, potentially food and home products, the impact on her work while she’s trying to relax with 4 extra people stuffed into one room taking away her privacy and quiet time?

Really? It’s a business arrangement she has to have due to necessity, she’s not running a charity or a refuge for people who may be worse off than she is.

Yes I do think there is a cultural element. I discussed this with a friend this afternoon who has background/ family where he's from and she was totally unsurprised by the whole thing and his presumption it was acceptable