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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 20:06

In answer to a pp's question earlier I am lucky we have seperate bathrooms - he has a massive bathroom to himself and I use my en suite. If it's also relevant I have a large bedroom I often hide in if I come home and he's slobbed out in the living room watching telly.
The living/kitchen area is open plan.

I wish I didn't need the money!

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 20:09

When he mentioned dates it was more like 18 days.

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 06/07/2019 20:13

Why is he slobbing out in the living room? The lodger should have access to the kitchen, but they should treat their room like their whole living area. They shouldnt be taking over your living room. That should be free whenever you want it.

Have you told him his family cannot stay yet? You really need to grow a backbone and stop letting him do as he pleases.

mummmy2017 · 06/07/2019 20:14

He is not going to make them hide In his room if he sits watching TV....
By the end of two weeks your going to hate it.

Please just make him deal with it...
YMCA is cheap...
Just tell him he never asked you don't want this ...

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 20:14

I havent yet as I've been out the house since I started this thread.

OP posts:
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 06/07/2019 20:19

I have limited sympathy with him re the cultural difference issue if there is a lodger agreement he has signed which makes expectations re visitors clear.

Annasgirl · 06/07/2019 20:20

So it has gone from 2 weeks to 18 days!!! There is a simple phrase I learned on Mumsnet - "no is a complete sentence". You do not need to explain. It is your house. I was a lodger and I actually had a fully self contained unit and I was still too scared to ask could anyone stay over!!!

And him taking over your living room? It seems to me he comes from a culture where women are not valued and your opinion is not worth anything to him, you should accept staying in the kitchen in your own home while he lounges in the living room. No and again no. You can find a better lodger OP.

And all those telling the OP to be kind - seriously people, women are in the situation we are in this world because we always think we need to be kind - while men succeed and never give a thought to being kind. We have to stop all this "be kind" and let people walk all over you BS.

mussolini9 · 06/07/2019 20:23

*he's clearly able to afford flights here and back for three people...which would indicate that he's not exactly skint

Utterly illogical statement. The flights could simply mean that he has spent all his disposable income on bringing his family over.

WhataLovelyPear · 06/07/2019 20:29

It's summer - tell him to find a campsite and borrow a tent. Also, tell him there's been a misunderstanding. He is allowed to stay and have occasional visitors but 18 solid days of 4 times as many people is beyond crazy and the cost of that was not included. I mean, even if you end up agreeing, you'll be out of pocket because bills will go up.

GiantKitten · 06/07/2019 20:30

YMCA is cheap...

That’s a thought - assuming you’re in a decent sized city - hostel accommodation often has family rooms. Might be worth you looking into that?

BlueSkiesLies · 06/07/2019 20:32

I’d give him notice to quit rather than have his family to stay!

Jaxhog · 06/07/2019 20:36

Absolutely not. His contract doesn't permit it and, I suspect, neither does your insurance.

Tell him no.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2019 20:38

That’s a thought - assuming you’re in a decent sized city - hostel accommodation often has family rooms. Might be worth you looking into that?

Why should OP look into it?

Jaxhog · 06/07/2019 20:41

Just read the whole thread.

So he has the whole master bathroom AND he uses the living room when he feels like it? That's not good lodger behaviour. I'd give him notice today and find a more respectful lodger. Once he moves his family in, you'll lose all control over your house. Not just for the 18 days visit either.

dodgeballchamp · 06/07/2019 20:41

Why did you buy a house/flat you couldn’t afford without a lodger?

InvisibleHamster · 06/07/2019 20:47

I would hate this with my own family never mind someone else’s. You have to say no!

MotherOfSoupDragons · 06/07/2019 20:47

No no no no no. HTH

chuttypicks · 06/07/2019 20:52

Why don't you let them stay for the 2 weeks but charge them rent while they're there? They will increase your costs and he should definitely be paying you extra. You might not mind the inconvenience quite so much then.

imsuchagrump · 06/07/2019 20:52

What does he mean scared to go out ?
I mean unless you live in the middle of a war zone then what ?
Also no of course he can't expect his dc to sit in a room all day .
Tell him firmly no you can help him find a cheap hotel/b&b but no it's not going to happen . He sounds a bloody fool .

Imupallnightto · 06/07/2019 20:54

I had a lodger turn up once with his cousin and her 1 year old. He was planning on sleeping in my lounge while they had his bed. I wasn't pregnant and tired at the time and the last thing I wanted was a baby crying before I had mine.
I told them immediately that I was sorry for her but he should have asked and that they was to get a hotel.
It's a total pisstake say no!

RebootYourEngine · 06/07/2019 20:56

I wouldn't like this. You need to tell him a firm no they can not stay.

Penguin34 · 06/07/2019 20:58

I think you may need to give him notice!

AverageMummy · 06/07/2019 21:01

He’s taking the piss especially as he knows you’re not comfortable. You say you desperately need the money so perhaps charge him? Just say you’ve considered it & decided to accept it & will need x amount up front for their stay. You are well entitled to say no of course but if you need the money & they desperately need the space maybe there’s a price that would work for both of you. But otherwise no way should you go through hell for 2 weeks for nothing

DonkeyHohtay · 06/07/2019 21:01

"I said I wasn't keen". There's your mistske. I'm not keen on going to the gym preparing fruit but I do it.

You need to say NO. Firmly. Clearly. Repeatedly. It is not his decision to make. It is your home. Grow a backbone.

AverageMummy · 06/07/2019 21:04

Although the more I think about it the more I think you should say no

My Grandma let a distant relative stay in her house & then she invited her boyfriend & he just didn’t leave. She ended up unable to use her own living room because they argued so much it was too awkward. She was stuck with him for months despite him visiting the U.K. for ‘a couple of weeks’.