To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

[ginorwine]

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

I wouldn't charge £100.

If you really need the money - £30 a week for food.

How about splitting the difference and going 80 pounds a week?

Agree with your DH tbh.

If your DS lived alone or even in shared accommodation, he’d have to pay more than that plus extra for food. If you were in a position to afford it, it would be nice to let him have extra to save for travelling but as it stands, you are not. He will still have £200 a week to spend as he wishes.

What do you think he costs per week? Pretend he’s a pet.

£50 a week sounds about right

Maybe 60 to 70 would be more reasonable as he gets on his feet and it is perhaps short term as in a few months until he moves out. Is he planning on moving out?

Think of it as setting him up for when he does leave. The usual amont, if you look at non emotie sources, is 1/3 of income. That makes it similar to rent on first rentals, house shares, bedsits, flats etc. But he gets fed, which he wouldn't when living alone.

Then if and only if you can afford to, you can save some or all of it and give it to him when he does leave.

Sometimes peole here forget that some families cannot afford to pick up the extra bill, council tax etc etc when an adult child returns home. So don't feel you have to do anything, just work out what is equitable in your situation.

Could you charge £100 but save half as a surprise to give him when he goes away?

I think you would be massively unreasonable to charge more than it costs to actually feed and house him for a week.

£100 pw for everything sounds lime a pretty good deal to me. You can always put a pirtion of it aside for him if it turns out to be too much.

Far better that then gritting your teeth when he eats out your fridge, takes half hour long showers and spends £300/week on going out w mates.

I think £100 a week is mean. I'd put my foot down with DH.

I wouldn't think about what he would be paying rent etc. He's not. He's living with his parents. I wouldn't expect all his costs to be covered.

Do you need the money?

30% is reasonable I think.

You could always give him some back when he heads off on his holidays.

But a home, hot water and food covered for 30% of your salary is a good deal.

I think being realistic is helpful.

Especially as you say money is tight.

I think it depends how much you need the money. You could charge him £100 see how much it will actually cost you extra. Say for example it is £70, save the £30 each week then give him the lump sum before he goes traveling.

Charge a % of his income?

It’s only a summer job though so I’d be inclined to let him keep as much as you can afford do that he can travel while he’s a student and make the most of his time. Real life soon kicks in when they start work for real.

I don’t think you should charge him any more than he costs you.
Different if a parent loses a job and needs the money - and would be in a position to let out a room for needed income if the adult child wasn’t there.
I don’t think you should profit from your own child.

Having to pay rent isn’t a lesson you need to teach here. Understanding how much he costs and being responsible for that is. So he should learn to think before he eats / uses water.

He’s no longer a student . Just finished uni .

We are on minimum wage and have to be carefu... this would be for food , electric and council tax Could posters read that bit before saying OP is being mean? She is trying to keep house and home together.

According to many money/finance sites taking about 1/3 of wages is normal Hell I gave up more than that as did DH because our parents needed the money

At 17 I used to pay 20% of my pay to my parents as a token rent if you like. They're well off and I was earning a pittance. I was hardly there and didn't eat much of their food.
Sounds like he will be earning more than you if you're on minimum wage, should you support him to that extent? I would look at the bills objectively and have him pay a third if it was a long term arrangement. If it's short term and you want him to save for travel I would maybe tell him you'll have less rent but you also want to see him actually saving the rest so he can travel. If he hasn't already got savings I can't see he will get very far on a summer job wage minus rent.

I can’t believe you would charge your son 30ish% of his wages to come and stay during the summer after uni!! That’s really - unless you’re on your knees broke, it which case I would sit him down and explain that and he could cover his over expenses. The idea that he would pay kroe in rent is irrelevant because he isn’t in private rented accommodation, he’s staying with his parents at his family home. If you charge him more than he costs to keep then you would basically be making money from your own son visiting you. Unbelievable.

For £320 a week income I think £100 a week having just finished Uni is a lot. You managed without his income before, and yes now he will add more bills, but as a Mum considering he’s just finished Uni I would only charge what he costs. I’d likely start with £50 - £60 a week and suggest he buys his own snacks and isn’t raiding cupboards and this building resentment. I’d also suggest having a chat with him about water usage etc., a good lesson for when he runs his own home.

It’s important he pays his way and learns responsibility. But I think a big difference between being 25+ and in full time work indefinitely vs. coming home for a bit having just finished Uni, and off travelling soon. Maybe £50 a week now but once working full time post travels make it clear it will need to be £100/week once he is in full time work.

Cloudy
I said I didn’t want to . But we have to charge board as we are on minimum wage and live frugally .
My idea was less than that and thought it too much !It was dh who felt he should to get him
Used to the reality of adult life by emulating it .

(Obviously I mean the £50 a week would include meals, more if he is looking for empty calories after work, buying his own crisps, biscuits etc., may help!)

My vote is for £100, and he's doing well at that.

Penelopeschat That’s a great idea and way of looking at it . Sorted !!!! Thank you .

Do you spend less than 30% of your income on housing, food and bills Cloudy? You must be very well off.