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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

304 replies

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 14:52

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

OP posts:
Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:33

Dontsweatthelittlestuff No travel costs as will walk
( 15 min )

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 05/07/2019 15:33

My mum tried to charge me a lot for staying in our old utility room when I first graduated - it was about £250 a month, over 15 years ago.

I moved into a flat share with my friends for £180 a month. Sure, bills were on top but it was worth it.

I’d be sure it’s fair compared to his other options.

Tallgreenbottle · 05/07/2019 15:33

£100 pw food and board is a fair price OP. He has to learn now what the real world is like.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:35

It’s a summer job . Wants to travel after finishing uni .

OP posts:
Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:36

Will probably return after travelling .

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 05/07/2019 15:36

we go with the rule of 3 but no matter how much they earn we would never charge more than £300pm. it's going to be enough of a shock paying rent and bills etc if they don't contribute at home, suddenly the £1,000 take home [or whatever the amount] can't be pissed up the wall once you move out,

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/07/2019 15:36

I think the fair way to do it would be to look at what lodgers are paying for a room in your area.
I am in the expensive south east and you can get lodgings for around £8o pw

Cloudyyy · 05/07/2019 15:39

@herculepoirot2 Those are your bills, they are your responsibility and they exist regardless of any extended visits from adult children. Granted the bills may increase slightly over the summer if you had an adult son coming back from uni to stay and if you can’t afford to pay for their additional bills then you could ask them to pay the difference. It still wouldn’t justify 30% of their salary and if you decided to charge them £100/ week then so be it, but don’t be surprised that people will find that mean.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:40

Don’t sweat .. it’s £100
P.w excluding bills , council
Tax .. etc

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 05/07/2019 15:40

Surely if both of you are out working even on minimum wage there should be enough income to cover your sons costs for the Summer.
He is just out of uni and it would be nice to let him enjoy having some money for a change. Thinking ahead he will most likely need a deposit on a flat to rent and take driving lessons over the Summer and perhaps buy himself a little run around. If he gets a full time job and is paid monthly in the future he will also need a cushion of money for then.
My 2 are home for the holidays and I have only one income coming in, I do not intend to charge them keep for the reasons I have mentioned. They can buy their own treats and snacks etc.

HereForAdvice2019 · 05/07/2019 15:41

Myself and my brother paid 80 then100 per week including everything. If we were home our meal was cooked for us, but generally wevCooked ourself. That was 20 yrs ago..

MrsSpenserGregson · 05/07/2019 15:41

Don’t sweat .. it’s £100
P.w excluding bills , council
Tax .. etc

EXCLUDING BILLS? So £100 per week and then bills on top? That is too much!!

livefornaps · 05/07/2019 15:42

Let him save up for his travel for chrissakes!!!

livefornaps · 05/07/2019 15:43

He'll have more chance of staying away longer/ moving out if you don't chomp 400quid per month

nellyfur · 05/07/2019 15:44

Did you help him out at uni?
I feel like a bit of resentment could come. Child does well, goes to uni, gets a job without prompt, wants to live his life, will earn some money -- and then parents take a large chunk away.
I own my house and only spend just over £100 a week on everything.

Also, if your son was renting, I very much doubt he'd choose to live so rurally he can't even go to a shop so I would factor that in.

Charge the bare minimum to keep you in the same position you were before. Water won't be that much more, heating won't as it's summer, food will be the main expense but if he's eating family cooked meals, that's just an extra portion. I don't think £100 is justified. £50 seems reasonable.

Kashali · 05/07/2019 15:46

I would/did charge £100 pm it doesn't cover everything but if he's at work and buying own lunches it will cover quite a bit.
Just make sure he doesn't take the piss. get a timer for the shower one of those extensions where you turn everything off at night, it does make some difference.

BlackCatSleeping · 05/07/2019 15:47

In the OP she said it was covering bills, so maybe she meant “including bills”?

seymoursmyman · 05/07/2019 15:47

Just the way I did things.
From my daughters 1st job at 15 we applied the 30/20/50 split.
30% dig money ( which we were able to save)
20% saved
50% spends

I've been called unreasonable many times for doing this, but, now at 19 she really appreciated it. She has kept it up and has saved enough to study in Malaysia next year with loads of travelling money.

As a side note she has 3 close friends all with part time jobs. All of them have not a penny left by half way through the month.

herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 15:48

I feel like a bit of resentment could come. Child does well, goes to uni, gets a job without prompt, wants to live his life, will earn some money -- and then parents take a large chunk away.

To pay for his food, heating, internet, showers, washing etc. His entitled feelings might be hurt - oh no.

stucknoue · 05/07/2019 15:48

I must admit I wouldn't charge anything other than the true cost of an extra person at this point, let him pay off any debts he has built up and get himself set up for the future - he'll need work clothes, a car possibly etc. From September £50 ow would be my instinct unless his presence affects your benefits, but I would suggest he purchases his own snack, beer etc on top - you might not have shops nearby but he will be working near shops surely?

TatianaLarina · 05/07/2019 15:49

I think £100 per week for all bills and food is an amazing deal for your son! He has over £200 per week to spend / save on whatever he wants. Don't forget that his food in included in the £100 per week.

This.

If he prefers there are jobs where he can travel and get paid at the same time. TEFL courses, deck hand or steward on a yacht etc.

Bluerussian · 05/07/2019 15:49

I'd say £50 pw as he is your son. We always subsidise our children. It will help your son to accumulate a bit of cash for when he branches out.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:49

MrsSpenserGregson No the £100 comment was re what rooms cost locally when someone asked me .

OP posts:
ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 05/07/2019 15:50

Totally fair that he should contribute and I think £100 is reasonable. He'll still have a big chunk of disposable income. I really dont think it's doing young adults any favours to let them get used to having massive disposable incomes.

I would use the money to pay his expenses, and then save any extra to give to him for travelling/flat deposit.

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2019 15:52

I just don't get this kidult thing. When does adulthood kick in now, 25? Old enough to work and travel but not pay your own way?

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