Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

304 replies

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 14:52

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

OP posts:

Original poster

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:54

stucknoue No he will
Not be working near shops .

OP posts:

swingofthings · 05/07/2019 15:54

People who rent rooms do so for a profit? Do you intend to make money out of your DS coming home and working ft to save for his travel?

Charge him exactly what it cost you in addition to what you are paying without him, and agree together what it is.

If that's less than £100, then I think it is shameful.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/07/2019 15:57

I don't get it either. Or the quite irate / self righteous manner some posts take to berate a parent who needs an adult child to chip in for their living costs.

Original poster

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:57

stucknoue
We are not on benefits . I don’t know where that idea came from
.

OP posts:

FriarTuck · 05/07/2019 15:58

I think you would be massively unreasonable to charge more than it costs to actually feed and house him for a week.
This, particularly as it's only for the summer. You pay more to rent because you're also getting your freedom and the convenience of location for work AND social life. He wouldn't be renting a place out in the middle of nowhere with no transport to go anywhere & do anything would he? Personally I'd either ask nothing or, if you really can't afford to feed him etc. then ask enough to cover that and no more. He's your son, not a lodger.

Original poster

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:59

Whilst I think £100 a week is too much .. I equally think it is doing adult s no good if you don’t ask them to contribute .. it may keep them
More mentally dependant and I think some contribution is good wether a parent needs it or not - it’s about responsibility .

OP posts:

SallyWD · 05/07/2019 16:00

I'd go for something in the middle. £70?

ChimesAtMidnight · 05/07/2019 16:01

I'm with you ginorwine
It's not making money out of your DS; it's about him paying his way.
Why would you and his DF work at minimum wage and have your son live with you for nowt ?

skybluee · 05/07/2019 16:01

Is he definitely going to get that amount of money (£320 per week) AFTER tax and NI is taken off?

I think if you want to teach him responsibility and prepare him for life, most importantly is to sit down with him and run through bills - council tax, water, gas, electricity, internet, phone, TV license - utterly everything that can come up.

It's great he has managed to get a job with no transport costs, that really saves a lot.

Personally I think about £60-£70 would be fair.

But definitely if he eats tonnes of snacks, talk to him about getting some in for himself. Maybe he could have a cupboard, or he could have a shelf in the fridge or half of shelf for him to keep his snacks. Don't be mean about it but just phrase it as whether he could get his own little snacks in so he has plenty of the food that he likes.

You can get a studio flat with bills included here for 300 pcm.

Original poster

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:01

FriarTuck We do not pay rent
We pay the mortgage
.
Up thread it has been assumed we are on benefits .
We work
We do not claim benefits
We have a mortgage
We live frugally .

OP posts:

Alsohuman · 05/07/2019 16:02

£100 sounds about right to me. It’s just over 30% of his earnings and considerably less than he’d be paying anywhere else. Adult offspring are done no favours if they’re not taught that it costs money to have a roof over their head, pay bills and buy food.

Gizlotsmum · 05/07/2019 16:03

Could you charge £100 PW keep it seperate and work out his actual costs to you (so increase in food/water) and then return any left over to him before he goes travelling?

LazyLizzy · 05/07/2019 16:06

we have to charge board as we are on minimum wage and live frugally

But that is not your DS's fault.

I have no problem with adult DC paying keep but how do you justify bills going up £100 per week?

I'd say £50 pw is fair.

StroppyWoman · 05/07/2019 16:06

He's on decent money, he's got no bills to pay and all his food provided, laundry facilities, wifi, fully furnished etc. He'd have over £200 per WEEK disposable income which is damned site more than many of us. £100 sounds pretty fair to me. asa contribution to the household.

My son was earning slightly less and we charged him £250 a month towards his keep. He thought that was reasonable and a lot cheaper than getting his own place.

For those talking about renters making a profit at £100, yes, but they don't provide food and cover the bills and so on! Young adult sons in my experience cost a fortune to feed, they're always hungry.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 05/07/2019 16:06

Go for it, he will never get to live that cheaply again.

DogbertDogglesworth · 05/07/2019 16:09

When my kids were living at home and working, i used to charge them 30% of their take home pay ( net )
For that they got all their meals, snacks and packed lunches, meals cooked for them, toiletries, inc sanitary wear, all bills inc interne tand sky tv, laundry service, cleaner, use of car or occasional taxi service.
And at times they still moaned about paying on payday, but as i said to them, show me where i can live with all that included for what you pay and i'm moving in.
Now they're in homes of their own they moan about the cost of it all
I don't think 30% is unreasonable considering what they're getting for it.

Original poster

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:10

LazyLizzy I agree
The £ 100
Was dh idea
I think it’s too much .
I think it’s partly because even at 100 Pw he would then have over £ 200 pw disposable income and dh felt
Concern that he may not save for travel
Concern that that is not a realistic thing that let ds think
He will have in the adult world long term
Plus maybe envious !!

OP posts:

Userplusnumbers · 05/07/2019 16:11

I think it depends on what your household bills are OP, could you give us a view of what your combined figure for rent/mortgage, council tax, tv/phone/Internet, utilities are?

I agree your son should pay his own way, but it should be in proportion to the household bills, rather than based on figures pulled out of the air.

Iggly · 05/07/2019 16:12

Unless you’re going to give him the same rights as an actual tenant, I cannot see why he should be charged as much as he would if he rented privately.

It’s his family home.

I happily contributed when I lived back home because it felt like the right thing to do.

DeeCeeCherry · 05/07/2019 16:13

I charge my 2 £35pw. They live with me, their parent, not away from home in private accommodation. Hence I don't see why they should pay the same.

I want them to be able to save for a house deposit, also to travel, have fun etc. You're only young once. I don't have my eyes on their money to run my household. I still pay a portion of the bills.

I make you right OP. £50 is fine.

Original poster

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:15

Mortgage 300

Electric 80

Phones / tv / internet - 150

Pay dd and ds phones
Car ins

80

Pet ins 20

Food 100
Petrol 70
Life insurance - 30
Council
Tax - 110

OP posts:

BustedDreams · 05/07/2019 16:16

£100 is reasonable. He would not able to live independently elsewhere for less. It isn’t unkind or grabby or unfair to expect an adult child to contribute to household income. Especially when you’re on an already tight budget yourself.

On the other hand if you have an already affluent lifestyle with more than enough household income you could ask for less.

Original poster

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:16

That is excluding clothes , haircuts , toiletries . Etc
I think there are more bills but would need to check .
Mot due .

OP posts:

BigChocFrenzy · 05/07/2019 16:19

Many - working - families outside the MN mc bubble can't afford to give adult children an extended paid childhood.

I agree with £100 including all bills
(except Council Tax if that is affected)
It's a much better deal than he'd get anywhere else

Living so rurally it sounds unlikely he will want to / be able to go to the shops to buy his own food, snacks, shower gel, shampoo, deo etc

and it is very awkward / impractical to tell a tired, hungry family member not to eat what is in the fridge or cupboards, not to use what is in the bathroom

Also, if you charge much less, it would probably be awkward & difficult in practice to obtain additional sums from him , as he won't have budgeted for this

BUT
if you find after a month that this gives you a profit, then save it
and then when he leaves, give him all the savings accumulated

BustedDreams · 05/07/2019 16:19

I’d like to add my perspective comes from my own experience whereby my own mother always took 50% of whatever I earned.... which started when I delivered papers aged 12. Now that is grabby. Hasten to add I soon left and lived independently

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13