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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

304 replies

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 14:52

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 15:16

Cloudyyy

Behave. He’s not a dependent child anymore, but an adult earning a decent wage. It’s only in the MN middle class bubble that a reasonable contribution for keep wouldn’t be asked for.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/07/2019 15:18

The council tax won’t go up with him there so that bill won’t increase.
I would charge £40 per week for gas, electricity, water and tell him to buy in his own food. I would also expect him to do his own cooking and laundry and be responsible for cleaning his room, changing sheets etc.

At £100 per week you would be in profit and I don’t think our children are there for us to make a profit on.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:18

Juells Do you mind me asking why you think that ?
Some people suggest am making money on my own son 😔.

OP posts:
happyhillock · 05/07/2019 15:19

I think £50-£60 a week is reasonable,

Toooldtocareanymore · 05/07/2019 15:19

before settling on a sum why don't you tell your son you expect a contribution, let him see the bills, and see what he suggests you never know he may suggest your dh figure, if he's too low suggest he gives you that, but it doesn't include food which he will have to buy for himself- give him good idea what it costs really for when travelling.

I do like the idea of holding some of it back for him, but maybe not to go travelling with maybe for when he gets back and looks for a job.

Cloudyyy · 05/07/2019 15:20

Yes it’s very good of his parents to “get him used to paying rent” by taking money off him! How thoughtful!

If he is costing you a lot to keep and you can’t cover his expenses, ask him to chip in. Taking that high a percentage of his wages is just mean.

Penguincity · 05/07/2019 15:20

£100a week is way too much, it's more than I charge my partner and he's on a decent wage. £50 a week sounds reasonable.

Pasithea · 05/07/2019 15:20

My parents took a third + of what I earned right from being 15. It therefore never came as a shock when I did leave home and pay bills.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:21

He won’t be able to do own shopping as we live rurally and he doesn’t drive .. happy to provide food / cooking ..

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 15:21

It’s not about making a profit. In a family, why should one person (one adult) have several hundred pounds a week disposable income while the family as a whole struggles? The OP has said she is on minimum wage and they can barely keep their heads above water. Why shouldn’t her son help out?

Cloudyyy · 05/07/2019 15:22

@BarbarianMum I don’t live with my parents so that’s irrelevant.

@herculepoirot2 I think your definition of a reasonable contribution is largely different to mine that’s all.

gabsdot45 · 05/07/2019 15:22

You should definitely charge him £100.
It's not about the money, it's about teaching him to be responsible and contribute the household.
I would also not do his laundry and would expect him to cook, shop do housework and generally be useful.
You don't want to make things too comfortable for him or he'll never leave home.

Isthebigwomanhere · 05/07/2019 15:22

Why not charge £30 a week to cover Gas and Electric and ask him to sort his own food shopping

raspberryk · 05/07/2019 15:22

Penguin city how do you cover your partner's half of the bills with less than 100 a week out of interest? Shock

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 05/07/2019 15:23

OTOH to Cloudyyy I can't believe an adult son working FT wouldn't want to pay a fair amount out of of his wages to help out his on-minimum-wage parents. When I started earning and was still living at home, I was pleased to be able to contribute. It also helped prepare for when I moved out a couple of years later, as budgeting for living alone and having less disposable income didn't come as a sudden and unpleasant shock.

herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 15:25

@herculepoirot2 I think your definition of a reasonable contribution is largely different to mine that’s all.

God, so do I. We pay about £90 a month electric, can’t remember what for gas but certainly £50 a month, probably £400-500 for food, then there’s water, house insurance, laundry, maintenance etc. That’s before the mortgage. We’d have to be charging quite a bit before we were being “mean” if we were on the breadline. I would expect an adult child to want to make things easier.

InsertFunnyUsername · 05/07/2019 15:25

I would say £50 - 60. That is still more than reasonable and would feel no guilt.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/07/2019 15:25

He doesn’t need to drive to do his own shopping. He just has to go to the supermarket on his way home and buy what he can carry on the bus. He might need to every couple of days but that is hardly an impossible task for someone with a degree.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 05/07/2019 15:26

£50 is fair

Cloudyyy · 05/07/2019 15:28

@TheTit It’s nice that you felt happy to do that. The idea that taking money from your young adult son is helping to set him up in anyway is false though. He obviously would be better off if he was saving this income towards traveling/ a deposit for when he returns. He should clearly cover his expenses if it’s otherwose important to have him home, but making money from your son staying with you is not exactly a noble act of teaching him life lessons. Let’s be real.

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:29

Dontsweatthelittlestuff There is no supermarket on the way home .. just fields .
We have a small village shop .guess he cd do zon line but am fine to go in car on my weekly shop .

OP posts:
Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 15:30

I mean he will be walking to work and via fields !

OP posts:
Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/07/2019 15:31

Then he could go with you and buy his own stuff.
I take if he doesn’t drive he has some sort of fares to pay as well to get to work?

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/07/2019 15:31

Whoops crossed posts.

How many weeks is his job for if it is just the summer?

MrsSpenserGregson · 05/07/2019 15:32

He should pay what it costs you per week for him to live with you. Electricity, gas, water, Wifi, council tax, food - it all adds up.

I think £100 per week for all bills and food is an amazing deal for your son! He has over £200 per week to spend / save on whatever he wants. Don't forget that his food in included in the £100 per week.

He's an adult, he's earning a wage, he's not being asked to pay rent or mortgage, just his share of the utilities and bills. Perfectly fair. I will be doing the same the my children are earning (if they're living at home - which I'm sure they will, because it will be a damned sight cheaper for them than renting somewhere and paying all the bills on top!).

Some posters can obviously afford to subsidise their adult working children, but many of us cannot. My children will always have a home with me, but if they are earning a full-time wage they will have to pay their fair share of bills (not mortgage - that's my responsibility).