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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

304 replies

ginorwine · 05/07/2019 14:52

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 05/07/2019 16:38

Charge him a third of your monthly outgoings. He's another adult living in your home - he should pay his way if he's working full time.

Mrskeats · 05/07/2019 16:39

But the husband gets to not contribute to housing costs! Hmm ok then.

Manclife1 · 05/07/2019 16:39

@Userplusnumbers why on earth would you think that it was a horrible way to live? I contributed to the household and had money to myself. Perhaps if this attitude was instilled in more people there would be less people in financial distress. I learnt about saving, the real cost of living, art of saving and living within my means. My mates who paid nothing/little are still financially reckless well into their 40’s as a result.

Mrskeats · 05/07/2019 16:41

There’s more going on here. I guarantee it,

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:41

Mrskeats Of course husband does.

OP posts:
pamelat · 05/07/2019 16:42

I would chat with him

First off I would ask him what he thinks is reasonable? I presume he knows that you need the money?

He may be planning to save for a house etc?

I certainly would want more money if he planned to just party/travel etc! But not to the point that he couldn't live his youth.

Maybe say £300 a month?

Penguincity · 05/07/2019 16:42

Mrskeats it was me who said that as someone up thread asked me, I was slow with my response

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/07/2019 16:42

If you want to do it as a strict division of bills Of those bills listed he should be paying his own phone and 1/4 of food, electricity, water, internet and council tax.

The ddS phone is for you or her to pay, the pets are yours so you should pay their insurance, the car insurance and petrol are your but maybe he could give a fiver for petrol if you give him a lift anywhere. He shouldn’t contribute to your life insurance. And he should be responsible for his own toiletries, hair cuts and clothes.

lakemountain · 05/07/2019 16:43

He's not a student, totally fair. apoligies i thought he was.

the op seems to be doing it a weird way including haircuts and phones in the math when really he should pay for it him self im not sure its fair for youre say to a a percentage of the mortgage as you are benefiting from the money and the increased equity

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:43

Mrskeats What on earth do Nyoma

OP posts:
ShmooBooMoo · 05/07/2019 16:43

Especially looking at your outgoings, I think £80 is fair - it's a quarter of his weekly wage so he'd still have three-quarters of his wage to do with what he wishes. However, if your husband insists on £100 a week, could you maybe convince him to keep £20 a week back without telling your son and gift it to him when he goes off travelling? It'd teach him responsibility during his time at home (plus a nice little unexpected cash injection for his travels come that time).
The implication of some on here that you are trying to profit from your son is frankly ridiculous. Don't take those comments to heart, OP.

Asta19 · 05/07/2019 16:43

Yes your child shouldn't be paying towards your mortgage! That's a bit much! Half the bills you listed shouldn't be his responsibility as you'd have to pay them whether he was there or not.

With my DS we went halves on bills (I have no partner) which cost him £100 p/m, so £25 a week, and he bought his own food, did all his own cooking, washing etc. That way he decided what he spent on food and got really good at budgeting. I think that's a better lesson than charging for food and cooking for the adult child. Can't he just get a lift to the supermarket with you, when you do your own shopping? Don't any of the supermarkets deliver there? I agree you shouldn't profit from your own children.

Buggeritimgettingup · 05/07/2019 16:44

We charge a third of what the older teens (18/19) earn they save a third and spend a third.

lakemountain · 05/07/2019 16:44

btw the way youre son would be the highest earner on 10 pounds ph(ish)

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:45

Mrs Keats
What on earth do you mean .
He has had a gap year . Prior to uni . He’s finished uni . He wants to extend his time prior to starting work . I just want him as an adult to contribute . I think it does people no favours not to - I just think
£100 too much .

OP posts:
ShmooBooMoo · 05/07/2019 16:45

Oh, and looking at lakemountains' post above. If you were thinking of covering his haircuts/ mobile phone etc, I don't think you should be. Personal expenses such as those should be covered by him.

Bluerussian · 05/07/2019 16:46

I did a few calculations and came to about £78, however, as this is your son I think £50 is enough for meals, hot water and heating. £60 at a push.

herculepoirot2 · 05/07/2019 16:46

Yes your child shouldn't be paying towards your mortgage! That's a bit much! Half the bills you listed shouldn't be his responsibility as you'd have to pay them whether he was there or not.

That’s true of things like house insurance (because he doesn’t own the insured stuff) but it isn’t true of things like council tax because he is contributing to waste and using the pavements like everyone else. £100 a month wouldn’t see him contributing to the mortgage.

zsazsajuju · 05/07/2019 16:48

I think he should only be covering his costs. Even if you are struggling, you will be no better or worse off if he does that. £100 a week is far far too much. What a lodger pays is irrelevant, he is not a lodger, he’s your son. He’s also only just left university and is trying to save to travel. Surely you want him to succeed?

I really can’t understand the mn obsession with refusing to support children over 18. Then pretending it’s a life lesson. It’s pretty tough to establish yourself at that age - not having the support of your parents puts you back years. It’s pretty selfish to be trying to get as much as possible from your child as some pp have suggested.

Comefromaway · 05/07/2019 16:49

Dd has to pay £120 per week to live with a family whilst she’s away at college. That covers her room, breakfast & evening meal.

Your ds is an adult now. He’s not a student. He has to pay his way.

TacoLover · 05/07/2019 16:49

probably £400-500 for food

WhyShock

HollowTalk · 05/07/2019 16:51

How is your council tax affected by him being there?

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/07/2019 16:53

Even if you were going to charge a third of the bills listed it is still only £313 pm.
But as you also have a dd that should go down to 1/4 as he is not responsible for paying for her so that makes it £235 pm and still includes your life insurance, your pet insurance and your car.

I am all for adult children paying into the family pot and both of mine do but I think your husband is taking the piss at £100 pw

Original poster
ginorwine · 05/07/2019 16:53

I do not want him to pay toward the mortgage it is nothing to do with him . I want him to pay less than 100 . That was my d h idea . Ds can easily eat 50 in food and drink
.
He just texted me suggesting 200 .

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 05/07/2019 16:54

I think £100 a week is awful. Young people have no chance these days. Student debt, recession on the horizon, very hard to get a graduate job.