To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

[ginorwine]

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

My DS will finish his apprenticeship in August, then on to full time work. We will charge him 1/3 give or take of his wage. We don't currently need this financially, but want him to continue being financially independent (he was in a flat share for college and paid part of his rent and all bills and food while there). We will save this money for him and give it back when he moves into his own flat/house. Nobody gets a free ride, he knows this and also knows that this is the cheapest option. It will mean that he has a decent amount of saving to help set him up when he is ready to go - he thinks in 2 or 3 years.

Blimey if that's what's considered 'mean' here no wonder there are so many entitled snowflakes out there who don't understand the cost of living and expect everything on a plate. I'm a single parent. Damned right they'd be paying £100 a week in those circumstances!

My son moved in with us for 6months this year. I charged him £ 30 a week which covered the cost of food and increase in electric gas and water . To be honest not much difference cooking for 2or 3 cost wise really. However if he wanted expensive snacks or fizzy drink which l never buy he had to get them himself. It meant he could save a deposit and rent his own place. X

entitled snowflakes daily fail reader alert.

why don't you tell him to buy his own food and then pay a third on water and other utilities, that's why I'd do.

I certainly wouldn't be charging a 100 per week because I was in a poorly paid job, why should he pay more than what he's costing.

I might take a bit more from them and save it and hand it back as a lump sum when they move out.

Charge him the 100 pw and put most of it in savings to give back to him later. If he is anything like our eldest he'll just blow it all otherwise.

£100pw is more than I pay in rent and bills for mine and DH’s two bed flat! You shouldn’t charge him more than he is actually costing to live there.

Not a daily fail reader thanks!

I dont think £100 is unreasonable given that hs is earning £320, hes an adult living in a house, only on mn is it seen as acceptable for adult children to free load off their parents. People suggesting £30, what would that even cover? My 18 year old easily eats more than £30 of food alone in a week. It's called growing up and contributing to household Bill's.

It's a funny world

18 legally an adult

A graduate in their 20s, not considered able to work & contribute to household &&& save !

I believe you can get married at 16 !

I'd be nice and just let him save up for his trip, maybe charge £20 for food and he buys his own snacks. But if he's moving back "permanently" after the trip then there would be a more substantial deterrent charge, like £250 a month.

You can't compare living in childhood room with parents to private renting. Even if you could, I currently pay 325pm rent. That's lodging in a family home (clearly I put my disposable income above having my own place...). Yes I do have to buy food, but if I was being frugal and living off pasta pesto I could easily live off 400pm all in. That's including bills. And living outside the family home. I call bullshit on this, living in the family home and paying board you clearly have no idea how much bills there are when you have your own home. I cant actually believe you'd argue that you could live outside the family home for £400 a month including all bills when your paying £325 a month for rent in a family home.

How long is it acceptable to charge adult children nominal board? No wonder you read of more and more cases of useless 40 year olds reluctant to move out of their parents homes because paying they are only being charged £200 a month all in even when they are earning £2k+! Even £100 a week isnt the fair share if you were to truely calculate all bills on a shared basis.

I'm paying 325 rent in someone else's family home .. I'm a lodger there. That actually includes all bills and breakfast (can use their cereal and bread etc). Also the landlady often puts up a Sunday roast for me. I'm not saying I DO live on 400pm for food and rent, because I'd be living on toast and pasta if I did. The point is that I COULD- if I was skint or saving up or whatever a month of toast and pesto pasta wouldn't kill me.

And while it's lodging in a family home, it's not my family home. I can't believe any young person costs 100pw. Op has actually said the figure is more like 50. Therefore taking double that off him IS making a profit of him.

Again with the saving it for him else 'hell blow it otherwise'. So? He's an adult. If you're charging him rent as an adult then you can't have it both ways and treat them as children and save for them. It's his money. How on earth is someone old enough to pay rent but not old enough to be left alone with the rest of their money? For goodness sake. Just because DC earns more than you does not give you the right to dictate how it is spent.

My parents never charged me a single penny after I graduated. I was living at home and commuting into London. My grad scheme salary was a very comfortable £30k. This concept of charging your child rent is really bizarre to me.

My parents wanted me to enjoy myself after working hard at university. Also, I don't see how charging rent prepares you for "the real world". Surely he had to budget at university. My three years paying rent in Central London whilst at uni was eye-opening enough.

I'm cringing at the "take more rent and save it for him" stuff
He's an adult.
Absolutely infantilising.

@zcazca - the OP and her family are on minimum wage. You were simply extremely fortunate that your parents could afford not to ask you to contribute.

Charging him rent will not prepare him for the future, he has graduated from uni so i assume he can manage to budget quite well.
One hundred pounds a week is ridiculous!

I agree with the poster saying that £400 a month would be much more than either parent would be paying towards bills. I’d ask him for £50 a week to cover his food and any extra electric but I would tell him to start paying for his phone and if he wants clothing, his hair cut or any extras then he needs to budget for them himself out of his money. To charge any more seems silly.

Looking at your monthly outgoings I think charging your DS £100b pw is a disgrace and your DH should be ashamed of himself. It's not rent, he's coming back to stay in his family home. All this, includes council tax blah blah is just bullshit because you would have to pay that anyway and pretending you are doing him a favour by teaching him a financial lesson is just a way to ease the guilt of making a profit out of your own son. Let him save to go travelling FFS. I'm glad you're settling on a more reasonable £50.

I live in a 1.5 bed family home and get charged #800 rent & bills. On top of that I also pay for most food, toiletries, cleaning products, maintenance etc. Sounds fair right? Except my mum lives at home (and works too) and brother who's in uni lives here during holidays. Granted, I earn more than OP's son, I think #100 a week is a much better deal than what i'm getting. At 21, I see no reason why you son shouldn't be contributing to the mortgage, if he wasn't living with you he'd be contributing to his landlord's mortgage instead. It's not a lesson in adulthood either, it's being a responsible and contributing adult.

My dd is earning about £200 a week and I’ve asked her to start paying me £50 a week as I need her to contribute. I’ve charged her a quarter of all the bills that are shared household ones such as water, electric, internet etc. Doing a quarter because there are four of us living here. The younger children get tax credit support and I’m working full time on a low wage so the three of us bring in ‘income’ so just adult dd to contribute now.

Paying board doesn’t prepare people for the real world it would seem given how many don’t work or claim top up benefits.

He’ll probably cost you about £100 a month as it’s nonsense you’re suddenly going to have huge heating bills because an extra adult lives there & council tax etc it’s all not going to increase. My brother was fussy (so ate separately, only drank Dr Pepper), here all day & expensive whilst unemployed & it cost me £100 a month.

If you charge him your proposal of £200 a month then he’s covering his way & also you are making money from the arrangement which isn’t unfair having an extra adult in your home.

£400 a month is going to be more like 75% profit. You can charge whatever you like, he’s an adult & can get a house share somewhere else if he wants - but that is a heck of a lot. There are house shares with bills included by me for less than that & I think most would expect parents to not want to make as much money? But anything you want to charge is fine as it’s your home & he has options.

Thanks all . Agreed on 50 per week to include all food . He in fact suggested same .
Given that his house share was going to be a room for 100 pw excluding council tax and food he will be in a position to save up quite a lot .
We are not mean .!
On min wages and we are also trying to help our daughter who is doing a professional degree which means she needs to run a car to get to her placements . .. and she cannotwork in the holidays to help fund this as the placements are in addition to the in uni part of the degree ...It’s a case of all pulling together as a family .

Glad you've sorted it out op 😀 50pw is reasonable and probably realistic to what he costs you. Would suggest that any extras (£20 bottles of gin or expensive shampoo ) he buys himself. Agree you're not being mean taking board off him. As you say it's about pulling together, and you've charged a fair amount

Well done, ginorwine. You are a good, generous parent. £50pw sounds right to me, as long as you can manage.

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