Can some things break a person?

[Chloe9]

You hear people say things like "she was never the same after they got divorced" or "he was never quite right after that heart attack"
I'm afraid that I have survived something that was just too much for me and that I can't seem to get back from

AIBU to think that some things are just too big for some people to deal with and change them forever?

When you survive something everybody says how strong you are. But what if your not that strong? What if you survive something that was just too big? What if the personal cost was too great?

Or is everything fixable with time, counselling etc.? AIBU to think that some things can break a person forever?

Thank you @Chloe9 I am in therapy and trying to move forward to be in the best place I can be.

@Fairylea

I know how that feels. People say to me "I don't know how you keep on laughing/smiling" when I tell them things. Well, I'm running out of brave faces to put on it. Things just feel hopeless. And I hate myself for feeling like that because I should be better than that, I need to be strong for my kids but I just feel so weak.

Thanks @FudgeBrownie2019

Glad to hear it is helping a bit @darkriver19886

Yes. I remember being on the floor (physically!) and mentally and thinking "I don't know how I actually get up and carry on living"
It was incredibly hard, and I've been through stuff since that would have been worse before. As in being told I was hours from paralysis and they needed to operate now and I was "oh. Ok then" 🤷🏽‍♀️ because nothing could be worse than 2013

Other people can help to fill your pot up - so there's a bit more for you; for your kids.

But they can only do that if you let them know you need help.

Maybe stop with the brave face all the time - do you have anyone who you can be more honest with? Use them to help you - so that you can help your kids.

Sorry to hear you’ve been through so much op.
Do an online test for ptsd, and look into getting help. No one should be left to suffer.

Yes I think people can be broken and changed forever. Have you opened up to people or are you always trying to put on a brave face?

Reach out to people, let them know how crushed you feel. It is difficult to do this, I know because we feel weak or because we just cant bear to expose ourselves further as we hurt so much.

Perhaps if someone says how do you keep smiling, just tell them I don't, I'm dying inside and need support. Do you have any support systems in place?

Oh sweetheart, I think I understand where you're coming from but please, please don't give up.

Whatever has happened, life/things will never be the same, just different.

I mourn my younger self. So many wasted opportunities, so many people I no longer see. Pp said that life is what it is. Do you think it might help if you were more specific with what has happened? am no asking just to be nosy, there are a lot of well informed people on MN (I'm not one) and I just can't help feeling that you have made a start by reaching out on here. x

I was raped and very badly assaulted the end of 2017. I had a mental breakdown afterwards. I know I’ve never been the same, I can’t trust anyone, and trying to keep a relationship is impossible for me. I said out loud once- he’d of been better killing me so I don’t have to live like this x

Yanbu. There is one particular experience that changed me forever. I was never the same person again after I went through that. I won't say I'm a lesser or unhappier person than I was but just different.

There are no people to reach out to and when I reached out to services they just kicked me while I was down and made things worse. I let myself be vulnerable and open up and it doesn't achieve anything. I was diagnosed with PTSD already and was getting over that trauma after years. This trauma is just so much bigger (and I barely survived the first one).

I'm finding it hard to be patient I think. I want just a little bit of let up but my life just keeps getting harder and my emotions more intense and I just wonder if my attempts at improving things are just pointless and the outcomes already decided.

@Xxalisoncxx I have no words. Honestly I am just so sorry.

Yes. I was broken 5 years ago. I will never recover. My life, me, will never be the same.

@Xxalisoncxx

Yes, sometimes I go over it and think it would have been easier if he'd killed me instead.

Are you getting any help op? Medical or practical support. Sounds like you are struggling alone. Get help for dc as well, whatever is affecting you is having impact on them too. Don't give up on them but get some input to make life easier for you all until things improve

Some things can crush you and take away friends at the same time. For me I find I often look back at the person I was wistfully and hope I'll get back to being her one day. Then I realise I've become far too cynical to ever be the same person, which is depressing but I try to put it into "learning through life" box and accept that we change as we grow. Not feeling that you know yourself anymore is scary but we choose what we do day by day.

I do wonder if that is inevitable with age and possibly why so many OAP's vote Tory though; you'd have to be super bitter and twisted

Yes, a few years ago an event broke me.
I survived and am now 'living' with PTSD.
I will never be the person I was prior to been broken. That person is dead and I mourn them. I am a different person and learning to get to know who I have become. I also feel more able to shape myself and decide how I want to be and find new interests if that makes sense.

Sorry cross post. So someone has been killed? Do you want to say more?

@Missingstreetlife

Sorry I meant sometimes I wish he'd killed me instead, not as in because he killed somebody else but because what he did to me was worse IYSWIM

Personally for me being bullied at 14, with sexual and physical abuse as a child.

But I would imagine the loss of a child or a loved one.

@Chloe9 I've read what you've written and recognise so much of it.

I WAS broken. I could just about get up, feed the kids, get them to school. Bare minimum at times. But I did it.

18 months of counselling with a really good counsellor and I'm ok. Not the person I was before. Not entirely "fixed". I think I will always be a work in progress. I am different, in some good and some not so good ways, but my days are brighter and see possibilities in the future.

If you can, keep going.

I am not saying you shouldn’t try and just accept things. However when you say I shouldn’t feel like this or I should be doing this you make yourself worse.

It is hard when you feel as you are moving forward and then go backwards.

I was told, you have changed. In the past I would have thought that was a negative thing. In reality I realised I had. I was putting my self first more often. You can’t help others if you burn yourself out.

Infertility broke me. I'm not who I used to be at all. But you find a new normal over time I think?

I asked a similar question a few years back. I felt completely certain that I had to accept a broken life/child/family and just stumble on through life. Four years ago something that happened devastated our family and friends and subsequent events made me feel that I had no hope of ever feeling normal again, let alone happy.

But over the last year things have started to get better for us all. Lots of changes have happened, some we have chosen and some that we have not.

I think part of my family will always be a bit broken. The trauma will always be part of life but it’s less acute nowadays.

I spose I’m trying to say that, in my experience, there was a life before the event & a completely different life after the event and I’ve had to accept that. I hope you have support.