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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to know if DS walks?

268 replies

FairfaxAikman · 03/07/2019 08:45

I've asked my PIL (who look after DS when I work) and DH not to tell me if DS takes his first steps in front of them so at least in my mind I'm not missing it.

Today I got a text from DH saying he'd taken one step and then fallen down.
I said that counted as telling me. And he snapped back "So it's just you are supposed to get all the firsts with him?"

As far as I'm concerned if DS walks, DH still "gets" the first (not like he's missed out on loads as he spotted first tooth etc) but I don't feel I'm missing out. Ignorance is bliss and all that.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PseudocideBlonde · 03/07/2019 08:47

Massively unreasonable

Stressedoutaboutinlaws · 03/07/2019 08:47

Yabu. Let him enjoy seeing this and stop treating it like its some dirty secret he needs to hide from you.

PuffSleeves · 03/07/2019 08:48

In the nicest possible way, OP, because this clearly matters a lot to you, this is a very odd post. Why on earth is it so important to you that you have your child’s first step carefully concealed from you if you aren’t present?

TulipsTwoLips · 03/07/2019 08:48

YABU

MumUndone · 03/07/2019 08:49

Personally I'd want to know when DS takes his first steps, whether or not it's with me. I think yab a bit u as your PIL and /or DH will be excited and want to share that excitement with you.

Breastfeedingworries · 03/07/2019 08:49

Marking place

(Yesterday while I held her my 7 month old took steps. Not sure whether to tell her dad or not (we’re not together) as she was holding on so not really steps are they.)

Not sure what to advise here....

MarthasGinYard · 03/07/2019 08:49

Bloody hell

cestlavielife · 03/07/2019 08:49

The first you see is first for you.
You need to get over yourself

codenameduchess · 03/07/2019 08:49

But it's ok for your dh, the child's father, to miss out? Yabu, he'll walk when he walks! Wouldn't you rather know when he actually did things? It's a very selfish view.

I missed my DDs first crawl and steps, but dh saw her crawl and my mum saw her first steps so nbd.

minipie · 03/07/2019 08:50

Imagine if you saw DS do something for the first time but you weren’t allowed to share it with your DH or rest of the family. It would take away a lot of the pleasure of it wouldn’t it?

There will be plenty of firsts and other fab moments you are there for, don’t begrudge the ones you’re not.

Geminijes · 03/07/2019 08:51

YABU

I can't understand why, as a mother, you wouldn't want to know when your son took his first steps?

Your husband is excited watching his son learn to walk and wants to share it with you. You're odd not wanting him to do that.

AyBeeCee10 · 03/07/2019 08:51

Ridiculous. What Makes you think you are more important than your dh that your firsts need to be seen by you before anyone else. Or why should everyone tip toe around you.

sneakypinky · 03/07/2019 08:51

Reverse?

MrsMozartMkII · 03/07/2019 08:51

You're being unreasonable. Your OH should be able to share the joy, which is as often in the telling as it is in the event itself.

fishonabicycle · 03/07/2019 08:52

You are being a massive dick!

CarrieBlu · 03/07/2019 08:52

I can understand not wanting to miss out, but unless you’re with your child constantly, it’s inevitable that you’ll miss some stuff sometimes.

With my DC1, I was a SAHM and even though we were together most of time, she’d almost always decide to do something for the first time when I was out of the room, having a shower or something, and DH would be watching her. I didn’t mind, it’s fair that way.

Original poster
FairfaxAikman · 03/07/2019 08:52

But it's ok for your dh, the child's father, to miss out?
But he wouldn't be missing out. If he gets to see it first I'd just rather he just doesn't tell me.
If it happens with me I'm happy to do what he wants!

OP posts:
StrippingTheVelvet · 03/07/2019 08:54

YABU

CacenCrunch · 03/07/2019 08:56

Yes YABU

IhateBoswell · 03/07/2019 08:57

I can see where you're coming from a little bit, but I do think you're BU, sorry.

maras2 · 03/07/2019 08:58

Don't be so bloomin silly.Hmm

bloodywhitecat · 03/07/2019 08:58

if he'd taken his first step with you would you've text DH to let him know?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable to be honest.

Mumofone1858 · 03/07/2019 08:58

Is it just they don't tell you, or when your child walks in front of you for the first time do you expect your husband to feign excitement like he has never seen it before? If it's the latter YABU, if you'd rather just not know til after you see him walk then that's fair enough, work is hard enough without being text midday to let you know your missing out!

Sarahjconnor · 03/07/2019 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeredithGrey1 · 03/07/2019 08:59

But he wouldn't be missing out. If he gets to see it first I'd just rather he just doesn't tell me.

But presumably you’re also asking him to continue with the charade that DS hasn’t walked before. As in, you see DS walk, get all excited and tell DH about it, he has to pretend this is new, and that he missed it? You want him to say something with a gist of “oh how amazing, such a shame I didn’t see it” when really he’s thinking “he did that yesterday with me and I had to keep quiet about it” or is he allowed to tell you once you’ve both seen it?

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