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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for other peoples' children on days out

202 replies

payingforotherkids · 02/07/2019 19:32

NC for this as it might be outing. We have recently bought annual passes to a well known theme park and alongside these we get tickets for £15 friends and family entry. The entry price is over £50 usually. We had plans to go this weekend and both of my children want to take friends. Now I think its rude to ask parents to pay if you invite their child somewhere but I don't want to have to pay £30 for their friends either. I can afford to, it's the principle of it as with the exception of one of DS's friends we do a lot of outings and pay for them and they are never reciprocated. Also, we bought annual passes to save money!

The day after the children finish school DD is taking a group of 3 friends, they will pay for themselves as they organised it themselves, they just need me to transport them and on site in case of problems so I think this is different and have no qualms expecting them to pay their own way.

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

OP posts:
firawla · 02/07/2019 19:37

I think it’s fair enough to say to the friends mum that with your annual pass, you can take their child for £15 instead of £50 and would they be happy to pay that and send their child? But ask the parent that first before telling the child they are invited?

HotChocolateLover · 02/07/2019 19:38

No real right answers and I think you will get a mixed bag of responses on MN. I personally think that if you will feel resentful paying for the extra kids then don’t take them. Otherwise, if you take them, you need to suck it up.

EmpressJewel · 02/07/2019 19:39

I would expect to pay for my children if they were offered a trip out, particularly if it's an expensive trip.

The main thing is that you need to be clear when you do the inviting as to how much it will cost eg 'the tickets will be £15, plus £5 for lunch'.

Starlight456 · 02/07/2019 19:39

I have different friendships . Some parents who never take my child everywhere I ask parents , others it’s swings and roundabouts

bridgetreilly · 02/07/2019 19:39

I think it's fine to ask the parent. Say that you're going and wondered if their child would like to come to. Because you have the passes it would be £15 if they did want to come.

Also, totally fine to just say no for this weekend.

TeenTimesTwo · 02/07/2019 19:40

I think in this situation there is no harm at all in saying you can take them if parent pays the reduced entrance.

Flippidyflap · 02/07/2019 19:40

I would always pay if I invited them but equally I think it’s perfectly okay to offer them the option to join you at a discounted price. As long as it’s clear from the outset I don’t see a problem with it.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/07/2019 19:40

No you can’t ask people to pay however most parents would offer and it’s ok to except. Or they may bring “ ice cream” money for everyone .

Leeds2 · 02/07/2019 19:41

Ask the mums if their DC can come on the outing, and make it quite clear that it will cost them £15. Nothing wrong with that. I do wonder though that if you usually pay for other children, they may assume that you will do so this time unless you make it crystal clear upfront.

Notthetoothfairy · 02/07/2019 19:41

YANBU, I would just say no to this weekend. I would probably buy something small (eg an ice cream) for friends’ kids but not pay their entry into expensive attractions.

Original poster
payingforotherkids · 02/07/2019 19:42

Thanks for the responses, I do usually pay as I tend to think if you invite the child the invite extends to paying for them as well. If my two were invited on a day out and the parent refused any money I would make sure my DC took a decent amount of spends to treat the child whose parents had paid for the day out though. No other parents we know are daft enough to extend their family days out to include other kids though, it's just me that's soft!

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 02/07/2019 19:42

£15, plus £5 for lunch

By all means get the parents to pay the entry. But do not ask for money for lunch, that's very poor. Its like asking them to pay for/bring their own food to a playdate.

QueenofallIsee · 02/07/2019 19:43

Say no to your kids and go as a family - it’s only a few weeks til their end of year outing and as you say, it’s not a break for you with 2 extra!

Nearlythere1 · 02/07/2019 19:44

Just text the parents and say "hi would you child like to come with us, we get a discounted rate so you would only have to pay £15"? That is clear enough that they have to pay, and no I wouldn't in most circumstances be paying for other people's kids.

CarolDanvers · 02/07/2019 19:45

If invite then I pay.

Cherrysoup · 02/07/2019 19:46

No reciprocating would make me stop I nviting them. Why should you pay for other people's kids? Just ask them if they want their child to go before telling the child.

Waveysnail · 02/07/2019 19:46

I'd just send a text to the parent saying that you are taking dc to theme park. Say your dc wanted u to ask if their dc DC would like to come and they will need £15 entry money and £5 for lunch or packed lunch.

lyralalala · 02/07/2019 19:46

If you don’t want to pay for them then say no to your children.

I think it’s really rude to invite a child on an outing and then charge for it. Especially if the invitation is issued through the child and leaves their parent as the bad guy if they say no because they can’t afford it.

Pipandmum · 02/07/2019 19:46

I guess you can ask for the price of the ticket but I wouldn’t then expect them to pay for their own lunch.
Personally if I’ve invited someone anywhere I’d pay. If someone invited my child somewhere I’d offer to pay if it was somewhere expensive, but if the parents were well off I’d be surprised if they accepted. But it’s never a one way street - if you feel it’s always you who was taking the kids out and paying for them I can understand your point of view.

IvanaPee · 02/07/2019 19:47

I don’t think you should be afraid to ask for the money!

I’d love if my kid got taken to an expensive theme park for £15!

I’d text something like

“Hi Jane. We have a pass for Theme Park and we’re able to get guest tickets for £15! Johnny would like Jimmy to come on Saturday and he’s more than welcome to have one of the reduced price tickets. We’ll probably pack snacks so he’ll only need the £15 (or if you’re eating put mention that too.) Let me know if it suits and we’ll arrange times etc!”

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/07/2019 19:47

If we invite we pay and wouldn’t take any money from the parents. I don’t think an invite should cost the person to attend.

onyourway · 02/07/2019 19:47

It depends on how you word it, 'dd would like to invite Kate, as her guest, to xyz' or 'we are going to xyz and we can get reduced tickets at £15, would Kate like to come?'

Sunshine93 · 02/07/2019 19:47

Do you know the parents well. Why not invite their whole family? Just say would you like to come along with us, it will coat you £15 per ticket. If they say yes lovely if not you could downgrade your offer to just the child.

Maybe83 · 02/07/2019 19:49

If I invite I pay. I have taken kids on holidays and paid for them. I always say just send them with treat money.

dottiedodah · 02/07/2019 19:51

I think it depends on the other families situation TBH.If you are asking a struggling family for £15.00 plus lunch etc it could put them in a difficult position !.I think I would ask them to come ,if you can afford it. just think of it as a treat for your children .Sometimes they may not be able to recipricate, due to money issues, childcare and so on