Paying for other peoples' children on days out

[payingforotherkids]

NC for this as it might be outing. We have recently bought annual passes to a well known theme park and alongside these we get tickets for £15 friends and family entry. The entry price is over £50 usually. We had plans to go this weekend and both of my children want to take friends. Now I think its rude to ask parents to pay if you invite their child somewhere but I don't want to have to pay £30 for their friends either. I can afford to, it's the principle of it as with the exception of one of DS's friends we do a lot of outings and pay for them and they are never reciprocated. Also, we bought annual passes to save money!

The day after the children finish school DD is taking a group of 3 friends, they will pay for themselves as they organised it themselves, they just need me to transport them and on site in case of problems so I think this is different and have no qualms expecting them to pay their own way.

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

”I just feel like my fun weekend has gone from me, DH and our 2 DC to me supervising 4 DC on my own as we only have one car, with 5 seats!“

Eh? Your DH isn’t coming so your DC can bring a friend each?? No no no no. The answer you’re looking for is “no, darlings, you can’t bring a friend each as there isn’t room in the car, it’ll be just us this time”

Don’t kick your DH out and give yourself a stressful day just because your DC want to bring a mate, for goodness sake!

If I invited then I paid and this was reciprocated with other parents.
However there was one parent who was happy for their dc to go everywhere, never offer to pay, or give them spends, and never invite anyone out with them . Money wasn’t an issue with them just cf.

It seems in our school circle if you invite you pay, eg ds has friend who we take rock climbing, we pay, when ds goes there for pub lunch etc they pay for him.

If I'd invited a child I'd pay.

If I offer to take ds friend I pay for the day out and lunch.

If I am taking a picnic I will text the parent and mention what I am taking and ask if their child would eat that and if not what they would prefer to eat. I will try to accommodate to an extent eg we are having cheese sandwiches but ds friend prefers ham. Not if ds friend will only eat a pine nut and sun dried tomato salad with walnut cous cous if thats the case I would ask the parent to provide the lunch.

I don't think there is a wrong or right answer. I have friends who have to watch every penny and I know getting them to pay would be hard so I won't ask them to contribute.

If it's a parent that doesnt usually take your dd out just text them and say - we are going to xxx on Friday and can take your dd if she'd like to come, it's usually £50 a ticket but because we have a season ticket she would only need £15 + spends, let me know if she's would like to come.

I always pay, and I would say 90% of parents offer to pay. But no harm in saying they have to pay for themselves, as long as you make it clear, then it’s up to them.

In this scenario I would tell my kids one of the following:

a) No, we're having a day out just the 4 of us this weekend.

b) I can't afford to bring your friends this weekend, as I hadn't budgeted for that - if their parents are happy to pay for them then it's OK, so let your friends know the entry is £15 each.

c) Not this time, but we can arrange a day in the holidays, who did you want to invite?

Text in advance and say it’s the reduced price of £15. Most savvy parents know that is cheap for a theme park. Say you taking a pack lunch and ask if they have have any dislikes or allergies.
The parents can decide to be tight arses or not.
I always offer, it’s rude otherwise.

Things is you have annual passes for you as a family ... I predict your kids making a lot of new friends this summer. Be straight from the start. They can benefit from reduced price tickets but not a freebie.

As long as you don’t invite then ask for money it’s not unreasonable at all. ‘We’re going to x on x date. We can get you reduced tickets for £15 if you wanted x to join us.’

Just say if they want to come it will be £15 and send a packed lunch.

I'd have snapped someone's hand off to take my kids off my hands for the day, no way would I expect you to pay

You're ruining a day out & turning it into more of a chore. I'd pay if I was taking someone though

I would just go with my family if I were you. If you leave your DH behind and bring 2 kids that aren't yours it isn't a family day out anymore. If you pay it'll cost you more than £30 to have less fun than if you had just gone as a family and if you don't pay it'll be awkward. Just bring your DH.

When we had merlin passes we would bring DC's friends and pay for them using 2for1 or the discounted tickets but ask them to bring lunch as they'd usually go off together then we got them food for dinner on the way home.

If you invited my child then I would expect to pay for them, and I would also give them some spending money towards lunch, sweets etc. I think you just need to say to the parents upfront that the cost will be X, as this makes it clear that if they take you up on the offer then they need to pay.

I took DS and his friend to see the new Spider-Man film today (it's fab, btw, even though I'm not usually into superhero films!) and I was quite happy to buy his ticket, but his Mum sent him with the cash to cover it, so I let him pay.

If you want to take these children, I''d just let the parents know that you have these reduced-priced passes and see what happens (unless you really need them to cover the cost).

What I don't like are friends who NEVER pay for anything and don't reciprocate. There's one of those in DD's friend group and while it hasn't affected us much, another Mum has mentioned that she's tired of paying for her. These are teenagers and often the parents are just chaperones/doing the driving. We're not really expecting to cover their expenses anymore.

Lack of reciprocation isn't just about the cost tbh. You're effectively providing those parents with babysitting as well.

You may have to explain to your DCs about fairness and reciprocity.

At the moment it looks like it is the DC's friend's parents who are benefiting from your passes - not you!

If someone invited my child I'd think it was more than likely they were paying, but I'd always offer.

If I was inviting, I'd expect to pay and to politely refuse the offers from the children of parents.

But I have to say, in your situation I'd just tell my kids no?!?

We do this my LG takes her friend and we just pay the 15 to get her in, never really thought about it really

You don't need to be on site to supervise though - how old are they?
I'd say if the parents think they're old enough to go round a theme park as a group then they don't need 'supervising' as such.
Drop them off, they have your number if there's an emergency and there's also staff on site if they need help.

If we invited friends then we paid.

I don't think it is wrong to ask parents to pay, as long as everything is clear from the outset, so they aren't committed to something they can't afford.

I wouldn't expect my child to be paid for by another parent on a trip like this.