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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for other peoples' children on days out

202 replies

payingforotherkids · 02/07/2019 19:32

NC for this as it might be outing. We have recently bought annual passes to a well known theme park and alongside these we get tickets for £15 friends and family entry. The entry price is over £50 usually. We had plans to go this weekend and both of my children want to take friends. Now I think its rude to ask parents to pay if you invite their child somewhere but I don't want to have to pay £30 for their friends either. I can afford to, it's the principle of it as with the exception of one of DS's friends we do a lot of outings and pay for them and they are never reciprocated. Also, we bought annual passes to save money!

The day after the children finish school DD is taking a group of 3 friends, they will pay for themselves as they organised it themselves, they just need me to transport them and on site in case of problems so I think this is different and have no qualms expecting them to pay their own way.

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

OP posts:
Derbee · 02/07/2019 20:29

I think it’s totally fine to say “would X like to come to the theme park with us? We have a discounted rate, so it will only cost £15 rather than the usual £50” It’s clear, and I imagine most parents would be happy with that.

Asking for money for lunch is a more grey area in my opinion. As a parent, I would send my child with money for food/drink. If I was in your position and taking all the children, I’d play it by ear and buy them lunch if they hadn’t been sent with any money.

It could cost you a fortune to pay for everyone’s kids to go to theme parks over the summer holidays!

slithytove · 02/07/2019 20:30

Just say no to your children and keep it a family day out this time

givemesteel · 02/07/2019 20:31

If it was for a birthday treat I'd assume food and ticket was covered by the parents but I'd buy something equivalent cost for a present.

If if was a normal day out I would bite your hand off yo take my kids out and hlsfkh give you the money plus more to generously cover lunch / treats. I hate theme parks so I'd see this as a hive favour.

If you refused the money for the ticket I'd give dc enough money to buy everyone an ice cream and some drinks etc.

If you don't want the kids there because you cba fair enough, don't invite them.

But if you're happy to take them just text parents and say 'taking kids to x, happy to take your dc too, cost is £15 + £x to cover lunch.' they can take it or leave it then. I definitely wouldn't be offering to pay though.

IvanaPee · 02/07/2019 20:32

If it’s going from a family day to you taking care of 4 children alone, then just tell the children no friends this time!

Seriously!

mrsm43s · 02/07/2019 20:33

Surely if you invite you pay?

This is best all round, as the one doing the inviting gets to select the activity, so can choose something that suits their own budget.

I think it is rude not to reciprocate day out for day out (broadly, not exactly), but a day out can be expensive (theme park, escape room, zoo, theatre etc) or cheap (beach, camping, park, cycle ride, strawberry picking, museum etc).

If you can't afford to pay, don't invite (or invite to something cheaper).

(I would, however, always offer to pay for my child. But that's because I can. Asking for a £15 donation towards an invitation out may well put some families in a very difficult situation. If you are going to ask for money, please talk to the parents privately first, before the child (and your child) knows that there is an invitation in the offing, to avoid putting the parents in a very difficult situation)

CherryPavlova · 02/07/2019 20:34

We always paid for friendship - still tend to. Our friends or the children’s friends parents always reciprocated.
If you want parents to pay then I think good, open communication is key.
Ferber has it spot on. I’d be surprised if having paid entrance the parents didn’t give spending money too.

Nonnymum · 02/07/2019 20:34

I think it's nice to sometimes just have family days out. You are not being unreasonable telling your children that this time their friends can't go.

missmartini · 02/07/2019 20:35

If I invite and arrange the day then I would pay.

When DS is invited for play dates I usually give him a tenner in his pocket incase but he normally comes back with it anyway as do other kids we do play dates with. If I know cost is more than that I'll say to whoever is picking him up "he has X amount, will that be enough or if he spends more let me know and I'll reimburse" I guess it just depends on the relationship you have with the people. If arranged themselves then by all means if they're at that age to pay by themselves then fine.

I would never ask for money for lunch though regardless of set up.

parrotonmyshoulder · 02/07/2019 20:37

I would so happily pay the full price if someone offered to take my DC away for the whole day!

Sindragosan · 02/07/2019 20:39

Outside of a birthday treat I wouldn't invite another child to something costing £15. Where we know other families have annual passes for national trust etc, we might arrange a joint trip out if we know the family well enough.

orangeshoebox · 02/07/2019 20:39

if my dc's friends ask if dc want to come I would totally expect to pay entry and would be grateful for the reduced rate.
op text the friend's parents that you are happy to take them and that the reduced entrance fee is ...

IhateBoswell · 02/07/2019 20:39

If I've invited them, I'll pay. If they offered to pay I'd say to just give their child some spending money.

Mominatrix · 02/07/2019 20:41

Another one here who says that if I invite, I pay. That being said, the other child/ren's parents always offer to pay for their child, but I decline. I pay for food, but the other child is given money by their parent for other things (treats etc).

This is always reciprocated, and when my child is the invitee I always give money to my child in this situation to buy a treat for the other child.

newmomof1 · 02/07/2019 20:41

I would expect to pay for the friends but would also always offer to pay if my child was invited.

If you can't be bothered to deal with the friends, just say no, that it's a family outing!

Teddybear45 · 02/07/2019 20:43

If other parents don’t reciprocate then don’t be the mug that ends up paying for everything.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 02/07/2019 20:46

Just tell your kids no.
Like magic,you get the weekend you wanted back,no fuss,no weird texts.

AriadneesWeb · 02/07/2019 20:46

I’d pay a small amount like a couple of £ for swimming but not £15 plus lunch. I don’t see anything wrong with saying we have some £15 guest tickets if your DC would like one. But if you can’t be bothered supervising then it’s fine to just say no.

dustarr73 · 02/07/2019 20:46

I think as long as you make it clear they are expected to pay,it should be fine.

But if these people dont give anything back at all,i would just leave it as a family day.Sometimes kids have to understand the word no.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 02/07/2019 20:55

I would ask about costs and always offer to pay if my child was invited on a day out. If the parents declined my offer I would do my best to reciprocate and take their child out. I think it's rude not to enquire about costs and to expect other parents to pay AND look after your kids for the day. If it's a b'day party it's a bit different and I wouldn't expect to pay for entry to the venue, though would provide spending money if appropriate.

Winebottle · 02/07/2019 20:58

I don't see why it is any different than it would be with adults.

It is fine ask people to come on a day out with you and for them to pay for themselves. If anything I would think it was a bit weird if someone invited me on a day out and paid for it all, unless it was in aid of something like their birthday.

Charlou19 · 02/07/2019 21:02

I would definitely pay for my children’s friends if I invited them on a day out. When my children have been invited on days out I always give them money but they always come back with it!

You say you can afford it so I think that’s a bit mean/tight

mathanxiety · 02/07/2019 21:03

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend?

Yes, you pay. Anything else is rude.

It can be embarrassing for parents to be put on the spot and expected to fork over money they may not be able to afford for a trip they might never have considered if not for your invitation.

Either say no to your children or suck up the expense of bringing the friends along.

YANBU to say no to your children.

feistymumma · 02/07/2019 21:04

YADNBU, my DDs friend always joins us for trips etc never get a thank you from either her or her parents, neither is it reciprocated so I have decided not to do it anymore.

justjuggling · 02/07/2019 21:04

If I invited a child, I’d expect to pay. However if my child was invited by another family I would offer money although I’d be a bit surprised if they accepted it!

BonnesVacances · 02/07/2019 21:08

If you're taking a picnic, I think it's fine to ask the friend to bring a packed lunch too. I think most parents are ok with most things as long as it's clear from the beginning what the cost is and what they need to do/bring. Resentment comes from drip feeding info and moving the goalposts imo.

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