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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Paying for other peoples' children on days out

202 replies

payingforotherkids · 02/07/2019 19:32

NC for this as it might be outing. We have recently bought annual passes to a well known theme park and alongside these we get tickets for £15 friends and family entry. The entry price is over £50 usually. We had plans to go this weekend and both of my children want to take friends. Now I think its rude to ask parents to pay if you invite their child somewhere but I don't want to have to pay £30 for their friends either. I can afford to, it's the principle of it as with the exception of one of DS's friends we do a lot of outings and pay for them and they are never reciprocated. Also, we bought annual passes to save money!

The day after the children finish school DD is taking a group of 3 friends, they will pay for themselves as they organised it themselves, they just need me to transport them and on site in case of problems so I think this is different and have no qualms expecting them to pay their own way.

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

OP posts:

stucknoue · 02/07/2019 19:51

It's fine to offer to take the child but ask the parent first

Waveysnail · 02/07/2019 19:52

I'd much rather u asked me for the money than my child not go

broken1982 · 02/07/2019 19:53

Yes absolutely invite them if you can be arsed (your a nicer person that I) but I would be making sure their parents know it's not a free outing. Your prepared to take their child but it's not your treat so they will need to pay the £15 and their lunch/spending money as they would be expected to on a school trip. You have no reason to have to pay when you take your children's friends anywhere. Ignore those saying its rude to invite and not pay especially if the invites are never reciprocated

Original poster

payingforotherkids · 02/07/2019 19:54

@Sunshine93 great idea but I don't know these parents very well and they all have other DC too so it would be quite a pricy day out for them even at £15.

Regarding lunch, I m one of those poor unfortunates who take a picnic (remember that thread??!!)so I d just check what they like and pack for them too. Id definitely shout the a refillable drink and an ice cream though!

I like all of the suggestions about how to word it, I think that's the way forward if I do go ahead with it, I just feel like my fun weekend has gone from me, DH and our 2 DC to me supervising 4 DC on my own as we only have one car, with 5 seats! Maybe that's my issue more than the paying for them!

OP posts:

Drum2018 · 02/07/2019 19:56

I couldn't be arsed. Just tell the kids no.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 02/07/2019 19:57

Our rule is of it's a birthday treat its a free friend. Day out friend pays.

AuditAngel · 02/07/2019 19:57

A couple of years ago DD was invited to join friend on a theme park trip. It is a park we have passes for, but hers had expired. I purchased the renewal voucher and completed the application form and put them in DD’s bag. Told parent the6 were there.

Unfortunately friend’s mum put DD’s stuff in her own bag and forgot the voucher!

raspberryk · 02/07/2019 20:01

If it meant my DP couldn't come then I would make it a family day and not offer. If I was inviting another child, which I have done in the past, I would never expect or accept a contribution to the ticket. It is £15, and you said you can afford it. I have offered in the past to pay for my own DC on trips and it's been refused and ended up sending spending money with them.

ComeAndDance · 02/07/2019 20:01

I don't know these parents very well and they all have other DC too so it would be quite a pricy day out for them even at £15.
Well thats up to them to decide what they can or cant afford and say no to their dc if £15 is too much.

HollowTalk · 02/07/2019 20:02

You're mad. Nobody else would do this, as you've found. Think about why you are martyring yourself when other people don't.

Sarahandco · 02/07/2019 20:02

I think if you have £15 tickets and your child wants the company of the other child I would pay especially if the other parent would not be able to afford/would not be prepared to pay. I think it is a case of you invite them if you want them to come and you have to pay for them.

AllBirthdaysMatter · 02/07/2019 20:07

If I invite, I pay.

If you can't afford it, you can always offer to take them if they want to buy a ticket at whatever price.

What you cannot do is invite/offer/give something to someone, let them make plans or accept and then, and only then, tell them it cost £xxx. That's beyond rude. If you make the costs clear from the start, you're fine.

It's only on MN that I discovered that some parents expect others to give money when they take their kids on holiday. That's not something I'd never seen, but as long as everybody is clear from the start, why not.

Surfingtheweb · 02/07/2019 20:11

Let the kids sort it out, they want to take a friend, they tell friend you can come with me the ticket is £15, child goes home & tells parents I can go to X place on this day for £15, parents all know the prices & think woohoo bargain & send the kids to you with £15.

Purplejay · 02/07/2019 20:12

My DS is 12. I offered to take him and 3 friends climbing. I told him to ask and tell them how much it was each and said I would take them but they would need to pay entry. Parents were all happy to pay. I picked them up, took them, provided drinks there and pizza back at home and then took them all home. They had a great time. I just couldn’t afford to stump up the other £30+. If I had paid for everything I would have had to limit it to one friend.

If I were taking 1 friend somewhere I would usually pay.

Buyitinbamboo · 02/07/2019 20:12

One of those that I'd always be happy to pay if I invited the child and at the same time if someone invited mine I'd always insist on paying. If I cant afford it/didnt want to pay, I wouldn't invite/wouldn't accept invite.

Sarahandco · 02/07/2019 20:15

When said the price of the tickets I have to say I visualised legoland. I don't know what age group the children are but have you thought about whether they will be able to go on rides on their own or at least in pairs?

HypatiaCade · 02/07/2019 20:18

Just ask if they would like to go for £X. I did for my DSs and their friends. The boys all had a ball, and the parents were delighted that they didn't have to supervise their own DC.

If you've made an effort to make sure it's not an expensive event, most parents would be delighted. £15 for a theme park is a bargain.

In my case it was something where the children ran around and I just sat in the waiting area as they popped in and out constantly. Loaded up my kindle with a few books, had a huge thermos of tea and had a lovely day reading and 'supervising'.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 02/07/2019 20:21

I think it is ignorant for parents not to offer to pay for their own DCs.
This happens a lot with one of my DS's friends, but we suck it up because he's a lovely chap.

Typically my DC isn't invited that often to his friend's house and when he is they never go anywhere anyway and these are supposedly educated people, but there we are.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 02/07/2019 20:22

...there are givers and takers and there always will be!

QuickQuestion2019 · 02/07/2019 20:23

In my circle we:

a) Offer to pay, the offer is refused
b) Send treat money
c) Reciprocate

Fundays12 · 02/07/2019 20:24

I would expect to pay for them but I don’t invite other people’s kids on family trips out that cost for thar reason (unless it’s one of my kids birthdays). It’s not just about the money I really don’t want to supervise other people’s kids when I have my own.

lyralalala · 02/07/2019 20:24

I think it is ignorant for parents not to offer to pay for their own DCs.
This happens a lot with one of my DS's friends, but we suck it up because he's a lovely chap.
Typically my DC isn't invited that often to his friend's house and when he is they never go anywhere anyway and these are supposedly educated people, but there we are.

If they rarely go anywhere and don’t ever offer I’d put money on their financial situation being tight.
Very few people wouldn’t ever offer anything.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 02/07/2019 20:27

I would love to pay only £15 for a day out with friends! OP phrase it so it is not an invite but an offer of a discount (and childcare!)

Lovingthesunshine88 · 02/07/2019 20:28

Yes always pay if we've invited them. Just come back from 3 day break with DS best friend we paid for everything

LaurieMarlow · 02/07/2019 20:28

I’m of the ‘you invite you pay’ school.

Which is why, I suspect, a lot of parents don’t invite friends.

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