Paying for other peoples' children on days out

[payingforotherkids]

NC for this as it might be outing. We have recently bought annual passes to a well known theme park and alongside these we get tickets for £15 friends and family entry. The entry price is over £50 usually. We had plans to go this weekend and both of my children want to take friends. Now I think its rude to ask parents to pay if you invite their child somewhere but I don't want to have to pay £30 for their friends either. I can afford to, it's the principle of it as with the exception of one of DS's friends we do a lot of outings and pay for them and they are never reciprocated. Also, we bought annual passes to save money!

The day after the children finish school DD is taking a group of 3 friends, they will pay for themselves as they organised it themselves, they just need me to transport them and on site in case of problems so I think this is different and have no qualms expecting them to pay their own way.

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

It depends. Eg I am paying for my twins' gym membership this summer. They have a friend staying who is strapped for cash. It's difficult. I think I told my son I might pay for the boy occasionally to go with them (but I am not paying £30 a day for it of course nor for a summer membership of hundreds of pounds.

In the past if they take friends to the cinema usually each teenager pays but sometimes if they are with one boy with not much money I have been happy to pay but that is more like £7.

@Xenia
Worth asking for free guest passes
My gym happy to on occasion especially long standing members

It can be awkward if the arrangement isn't made clear from the start. Dd arranged to go to see a band with a friend, with dh as chaperone. I received a text from the mum thanking me so much for taking her dd and how appreciative they were. Ouch! She assumed we were paying for the (extortionate) ticket... I had no choice but to stump up. (And there has never been any reciprocation! ) I made it pretty clear to dd that any future jaunts were on the basis of each pays for own ticket.

If we are taking them out we pay for it. We had Merlin passes and took them to Alton Towers etc. Didn't expect them to pay.

I would expect to pay friends if dh and/or I were joining the kids. It's incredibly awkward to pay for everyone except friends and I just don't feel comfortable doing it. Providing a lift to something the dcs planned themselves - probably not, when they hit this stage they all pay for themselves.

Irma that is why you should never let the children themselves issue the invitations when there is money involved.

Ellen I would soften that by saying I would provide lunch. I think as hostess even out and about you should be responsible for feeding the taggers along.

If I could afford it I would pay for my children's friends and their lunch and ice creams too. But if I could not afford it would be clear you will take them but it will cost them £15 each. I always pay when inviting child's friend to theme park, zoo, cinema ice skating etc. Other parents pay when my child is invited. Very often invites are to celebrate a birthday.

I pay because if we invite another child it is for the pleasure of my child - so whether their friend's family reciprocates us irrelevant.

I didn't invite others if we couldn't afford it, or I didn't want to pay for them.
Tell your kids to stop inviting people if you don't want to pay, simples.
Mine knew they were lucky to go, they'd never dream of inviting others for me to have to cough up for.

You can afford it. So what’s the problem. You invited them. So pay for them.

Next time the other parents will invite your child out. And pay for said child.

See I have just put an offer out to friends (a couple of days ago) saying we are going to x, if they wanted to come along we have discount vouchers and telling them how much it would cost.

Well if you ‘can’t be arsed’ with them then don’t invite.
Personally I would pay. But if you can’t afford to or don’t want to then just offer them a £15 ticket.
But I think you should go alone since you ‘can’t be arsed with other people’s children’.

YABU. Unwritten rule. You take other children anywhere you pay. If the parents are decent people they take your kid out and pay another time.

It’s different for everyone depending on your circumstances. I would always offer to pay for my child if it were an expensive day out. However if I invited a child to go out with us I wouldn’t ask the parents to pay. If they offer I might accept if it’s pricey. My daughter has a friend who goes with us the cinema, pizza etc and we always pay. His dad takes our DD to laser quest and pays for her, so it’s symbiotic. I think if you feel you can ask for a contribution then you should.

I have taken friends kids on holiday - parents pay flights but I pay for food and day trips etc.

There’s no right or wrong here, if I was inviting someone I’d pay the £15, but on the flip side I would offer the £15 if someone offered to take DS on a trip with them - and sounds like these friends parents aren’t likely to. So I’d say either ask them to pay, or don’t take them.

Ivanapee-spot on best response.

I've had a similar dilemma. Always taking a curtain child out and about, swimming, cinema, day trips, sleepovers and sometimes the child is given money so I'm not paying it all but not always but and this is the bit I get annoyed with is they never take my child out anywhere. They never take their own child out tbh so unless I do it then their child is always at home.

Annoys me more than I should let it

It's so interesting watching these responses. Normally, unless I knew the parents were hard up, I'd expect them to pay if they invited one of mine to a birthday event.
But you're offering a hugely cost reduced day out and free childcare; why shouldn't you expect them to contribute if their child wants to come?

If I invited them I would pay. They may offer but I wouldnt ask.

My kids love to have friends along on days out, and I love taking them, but we are broke, we live in a really expensive area, and took on all my parents debts too when my Mum got ill, so spare money for us to spend on others does not exist!

I will happily make up a lunch of peanut butter and jam sarnies and bottles of water and some home made cakes, but cannot pay for their friends, and we have had to explain this. No embarrassment anymore, our situations are different, however it is really hard when their friends parents are very kind and pay for ours and won't take anything for it, we end up buying them a bottle of wine to say thank you!

Be honest, some people can be comfortable and pay, and some find it harder, lifes too short to worry about such things! :-) x

All of my fiends would send their kids with cash though.
As would I

So a text saying do they want to come I know it's usually really expensive but we have discount passes for £15 each. And then that should be enough for them to think ah ok I need to send £15

My rule is that if we invite the children’s friends then we pay for everything. When their friends invite our kids then they pay for everything. In general this works really well because if you know you can’t afford to take an extra child and pay for everything then you just don’t invite them. It means that all the parents involved just do what they can afford and the kids get a variety of fun days out. Sometimes it’s a trip to a theme park and sometimes it’s a picnic and football in the local park.

Why don't you just go as a family and do something with the friends another time at your house

If you can't afford the pay for them, don't invite them. Your children will have to learn that sometimes money doesn't stretch the extending trips to friends