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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for other peoples' children on days out

202 replies

payingforotherkids · 02/07/2019 19:32

NC for this as it might be outing. We have recently bought annual passes to a well known theme park and alongside these we get tickets for £15 friends and family entry. The entry price is over £50 usually. We had plans to go this weekend and both of my children want to take friends. Now I think its rude to ask parents to pay if you invite their child somewhere but I don't want to have to pay £30 for their friends either. I can afford to, it's the principle of it as with the exception of one of DS's friends we do a lot of outings and pay for them and they are never reciprocated. Also, we bought annual passes to save money!

The day after the children finish school DD is taking a group of 3 friends, they will pay for themselves as they organised it themselves, they just need me to transport them and on site in case of problems so I think this is different and have no qualms expecting them to pay their own way.

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

OP posts:
Travellingmamma · 03/07/2019 21:25

Not really what you’re asking but do you have vouchers for the friends discount? As I have had an annual pass for a few years, but this year booking online for friends and family tickets the discounted prices have gone up to half price, (£25-£30ish) rather than the £15ish they were previously? Might change your plans?

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 03/07/2019 21:30

DD (14) is currently on a week's beach holiday with her best friend's family. It was very generous of them to invite her and while they didn't mention money when they extended the invitation, I didn't feel comfortable with them paying for everything for a week.

We ended up giving the parents a contribution towards petrol/food shopping etc. and DD has money to cover meals out and activities.

I felt that them covering the accommodation and driving everyone was generous enough. If the situation was reversed, I wouldn't expect any money, but I think most people would want to contribute something, I always offer for days out. Entertaining my teenager is generous enough. Grin

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/07/2019 21:35

We used to have annual passes for Disneyland Paris, which meant that at certain times of the year, we could bring guests for €10 each. I asked DD1’s friend’s Mum if DD1’s friend would like to come, and explained the cheap ticket thing. She asked if she could come too, with her son as well. I took DD2 who was the same age, they paid €10 each for themselves, and we split the cost of lunch.

Cornishclio · 03/07/2019 22:39

It sounds like this family day out is now turning out to be a chore for you, DH misses out altogether and your saving on annual passes is actually going to cost you money by having to pay for your kids friends who never reciprocate. I would say no to your kids and say either we don't go or we go as a family as planned. Alternatively tell them to suggest their friends families come along and pay their way. Your DD is doing another activity with her friends anyway.

If we had invited friends to go out with us when our DDs were young we would have paid but we rarely did that and on occasions we did they were very good family friends rather than just random school friends.

rainbowbear10 · 03/07/2019 23:27

Did your child ask their friend if they wanted to go to the theme park before they asked you ? i know i always say they can come if they pay their own admission ( or at least something towards it.) and bring extra for snacks / something to eat
been there done that...when my kids were younger i used to buy family tickets as it worked out cheaper so took along a couple of friends to the cinema ... and had one girl say to another friend who was going to buy an ice cream on the way home ..."put your money away XXX mum will buy you one " wich i thought was very rude when her parens had gave her money to buy their own

RefreshifyMe · 03/07/2019 23:49

I always paid if I invited until people kept giving me money. I guess it all comes to the same thing.

angelfacecuti75 · 04/07/2019 02:57

Ask parents to pay but make it clear from the outset what costs will be. They'll either pay or you can:

  1. either expect them to not necessarily come if they really can't afford it...& say no.
  2. Say no to friends and just go as a family. Kids might be upset at options 1 and 2.
  3. They'll pay and you'll all live happily ever after. The end.
Nowt simpler really, is there?
Tumbleweed101 · 04/07/2019 06:57

I wouldn’t be able to afford it so would have to say my child would like you child to come but they’ll need entrance money if they do so let me know before I say anything to the children.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/07/2019 06:58

Equally in my friendship group I’d pay or offer to if roles were reversed.

fghrhtdrhbfgj · 04/07/2019 07:53

This reply has been deleted

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bonbonours · 04/07/2019 09:27

If I want to invite kids along but can't pay for them I just say eg 'would they like to come to x with us? It costs £12' Then if they don't want to pay they can make an excuse not to come. If I am willing to pay I have often found that other parents offer anyway.

Definitely not rude to ask them to pay as long as that is clear from the outset, not a thing where they think you are paying and then you spring it on them that they owe you. People know that generally we are not made of money.

CountryGirl1234 · 04/07/2019 10:58

I think if I invite DC’s friends, I would expect to pay their entry fee but also would accept if they wanted to pay entry too.
If my child was going on a trip she would have money to cover herself and extras. I would definitely expect her lunch to be covered on an invite and I would always offer the entry money. If it’s like a P.P said swings and roundabouts if they are good friends/ outings are reciprocated.

stereolovely · 04/07/2019 18:14

Its very easy to say its rude to ask the parents of an invited child to pay for an outing, but £15 can be too much extra for a family already paying for their own kids. I'd never be offended if I was asked to pay for DS to accompany friends to an outing and frankly, I'd struggle to afford to take multiple kids on a trip. If it's a birthday party, sure, but a theme park can cost a fortune.

HiJenny35 · 04/07/2019 20:45

You are acting like some sort of hero. I hate this when other parents ask to take my child somewhere like they are doing me a favour, you're doing it so you don't have to amuse your own child. If you ask to take a child out then you should pay, it's very rude otherwise. I would send snack and drink money but this is something you have decided to do not the other parents so stop expecting them to pay for it.

Harveywallplanner · 04/07/2019 23:20

You one of those parents @HiJenny35, no doubt if someone invites you for a coffe you don’t put your hand in your pocket because they issues the invite.
It’s not rude, some people can’t afford it.

EmeraldShamrock · 04/07/2019 23:39

@HiJenny35 You're so right. Not.
I wouldn't be offering your DC many playdates.
To except is one thing, but to expect I don't it is very rude.
Someone taking my DC is definitely a grateful favour I will repay.

TeenTimesTwo · 05/07/2019 10:19

HiJenny Rubbish. It would be a win-win for both families.

Child of hosting family enjoys it more with a friend.
Child of invited family gets a fun day out at reduced cost to their parent.

We have a theme park near us that I would baulk at paying 2 full price tickets for (for me and DD), but 1 reduced price ticket so DD can go with a friend? I'd bite their hand off.

The main thing is for the parents to talk before friend knows about it so they can say no if cost too much or whatever without friend being disappointed or parent feeling obliged to say yes.

AlaskanOilBaron · 05/07/2019 10:30

I always pay for other children, always have, but if I were severely strapped for money I don't think I'd feel awkward or shy about it.

Around here we just reciprocate.

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2019 10:42

Those of you who only have young children need to find ways to ask questions/state the position before they are old enough for gigs and festivals, or life might get very complicated......

AlaskanOilBaron · 05/07/2019 10:45

Those of you who only have young children need to find ways to ask questions/state the position before they are old enough for gigs and festivals, or life might get very complicated....

Why? They go alone and pay their own way, surely?

I'm not organising my children's outing to Redding Festival, for example!

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2019 10:50

“Why? They go alone and pay their own way, surely?“

Oh such sweet naivety.....Grin

LoafofSellotape · 05/07/2019 10:58

“Why? They go alone and pay their own way, surely?“

Said the mother of a young child 😂

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2019 11:21

And the mother who has never drawn the short straw and had to be the responsible adult an Igloo Ghost gig........

LoafofSellotape · 05/07/2019 11:27

Behind every Reading Festival teen is a frazzled parent who has helped organise them even though technically they are independent and should be able to do it it all themselves Wink

AlaskanOilBaron · 05/07/2019 11:39

Said the mother of a young child

I have an almost-17 year old who is going to Redding Wink

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