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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for other peoples' children on days out

202 replies

payingforotherkids · 02/07/2019 19:32

NC for this as it might be outing. We have recently bought annual passes to a well known theme park and alongside these we get tickets for £15 friends and family entry. The entry price is over £50 usually. We had plans to go this weekend and both of my children want to take friends. Now I think its rude to ask parents to pay if you invite their child somewhere but I don't want to have to pay £30 for their friends either. I can afford to, it's the principle of it as with the exception of one of DS's friends we do a lot of outings and pay for them and they are never reciprocated. Also, we bought annual passes to save money!

The day after the children finish school DD is taking a group of 3 friends, they will pay for themselves as they organised it themselves, they just need me to transport them and on site in case of problems so I think this is different and have no qualms expecting them to pay their own way.

Do you pay for other children if you invite them on a day out and AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/07/2019 06:19

It’s absolutely fine to ask. Otherwise children of families without much money will never have the fun of having a friend with them on a day out. “Would Fred like to come to X with us on Sunday? We have a voucher which means entry is £15. I’ll bring a picnic- so no need to worry about lunch. I do hope he can come- Bert is looking forward to it!”

NauseousMum · 03/07/2019 06:32

Fine to ask the parent for money so long as it's before the child is invited. But in your situation, I'd save the theme park with friends for another weekend and go with your family day.

ladypenelopeplum · 03/07/2019 06:44

I'd pay if I invited them but if my dc were invited I'd offer to pay and then send money for treats and coffee for the adults.

ladypenelopeplum · 03/07/2019 06:48

Typically my DC isn't invited that often to his friend's house and when he is they never go anywhere anyway and these are supposedly educated people, but there we are.

What a horrible thing to say. I'm an educated person with three degrees (and I can sing!) but don't have the $ to go out on days out more than once or twice a year. What has being educated have to do with it ?

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2019 06:59

“You may have to explain to your DCs about fairness and reciprocity”

God I hate this tally charting. “Mum-can Jane come to the beach with us? Please- it’ll be so much more fun if she comes!”
“No, I’m sorry, you’ll have to play on the beach by yourself all day because Jane’s mum hasn’t reciprocated for the last time yet”

You invite your children’s friends-whether you pay for them or not- so your children will have more fun. Not to bank babysitting.
(And so there is a chance they might leave you in peace to drink a cup of tea because they can blather to each other, not to you)

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/07/2019 07:03

Trip somewhere cheap I'd give my child some cash to pay his way, somewhere expensive like this I'd ask the parent. I'd rather the parent was just open and said that they could get a discount ticket and its £15.

Nodancingshoes · 03/07/2019 07:17

If I invited a child out for our family, I would pay for them. If you don't want to pay then just don't invite them. On the other hand, if my child was invited out on an expensive day out, I would always offer to pay.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/07/2019 08:09

And as we only have one left at home we'd often be happy paying for a friend so its a better day out for our son. Not the situation you have OP, without some boundaries it could cost you a fortune.

WhyTho · 03/07/2019 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriarTuck · 03/07/2019 12:31

“Would Fred like to come to X with us on Sunday? We have a voucher which means entry is £15. I’ll bring a picnic- so no need to worry about lunch. I do hope he can come- Bert is looking forward to it!”
I'd change that to 'we have a voucher so it would only cost you £15 for entry' otherwise they might (CFish) think you mean it will only cost you £15 for their child!
All these people saying they'd pay - what, even if the others never ever reciprocated?

LoafofSellotape · 03/07/2019 12:33

All these people saying they'd pay - what, even if the others never ever reciprocated?

Yes of course.

GreenTulips · 03/07/2019 12:34

I’d ask! No harm they can say no and your problem is solved

FriarTuck · 03/07/2019 12:41

Loaf - repeatedly? A one-off yes, maybe a few (or more) times if you knew the others were hard up. And likewise if they have your child over at theirs instead, that counts as reciprocation to me. But multiple times when they can afford it but choose not to and don't bother 'paying you back' in another way? It's lovely of you, but very CF of them and that would bother me because it's very take, take, take. A decent person 'gives' in some way whether by doing pick-ups, or being a supportive ear, or whatever.

isthatapugunicorn · 03/07/2019 12:43

Be clear when inviting! Personally we pay the other child’s costs but the other parents always offer to pay ( we say no) and our kids do get days out with their friends that we don’t contribute much to. So it evens out.

LoafofSellotape · 03/07/2019 12:45

Yes, repeatedly if my ds liked the child and wanted them to come. I'm not into 'getting things back,' I just want a nice day out with everyone involved.

nokidshere · 03/07/2019 12:56

AIBU just to say no to this weekend? I work 60 hours a week and quite frankly can't be arsed to supervise an extra two children who aren't my own as well as pay for them!

The cost is irrelevant in this case, you don't want to take them anyway, so don't.

HennyPennyHorror · 03/07/2019 12:58

If my son's friend asks him to go swimming, then they all pay their own entry and for ice cream afterwards out of their own money or money given by a parent. That way it's simple and there's no need to worry about reciprocating. If my son doesn't feel like going swimming, then he declines. It's much easier and less fuss

That only works with older children. Can you imagine a 5 year old arranging to pay for themselves at the fair or something?

EmeraldShamrock · 03/07/2019 13:04

I'd pay for swimming, play centres, anything within reason 10 or 15euro.
I charged DD's pals for the concert tickets, as the girls wanted to see the group and I was their chaperone, bloody cost a fortune to chaperone between travel costs and food.

MatchSetPoint · 03/07/2019 13:19

If I am inviting I would pay, I would definitely pay for lunch too, if I couldn’t afford it I wouldn’t invite. If my child went out with another family then I would offer money.

BlackCatSleeping · 03/07/2019 14:11

To be honest, I wouldn't take someone else’s 5-year-old swimming or to a theme park. I’d probably just suggest that they come as a family. Like, there’s a country fare on this weekend, are you going? sort of thing. Maybe I’ll see you there. I would only really take age 8+ out for the day without parents unless it was somewhere local like the park or a school fare. I don’t mind paying for an ice cream but I’d feel uncomfortable paying more.

LucyFox · 03/07/2019 14:43

“We’re planning on going to XYZ on Saturday. Happy to take George with us too - he’ll just need £15 for entrance fee (we can get sicounted tickets) & a packed lunch/lunch money - we’ll be leaving at 08:30, back around 7pm”

feemcgee · 03/07/2019 14:49

I always offer the parents taking my DC out to something like the cinema or safari park money. I've booked concerts for my DD and her friends before and asked the parents for money. No-one will mind if you ask.

loveyou3000 · 03/07/2019 17:33

It is personal preference. I don't mind buying the odd drink and snack whilst we're out with another child but I can I hardly afford to pay for 2 lots of cinema tickets or entry price etc. If I could afford to, I would. I'd also be happy to pay for my DD if she is taken out, I always offer to pay and 99% of the time am told not to worry and keep my money, it's their treat. Imo, there's no right or wrong here

EllenMP · 03/07/2019 17:41

I would invite them by text/email and say we get a discount with our annual passes so if X wanst to join us it would only be £15 plus a bit of lunch money." I think the other parents would be happy with that arrangement.

YumyumAndyum · 03/07/2019 17:47

I would like to take you out for lunch
You pay

How about we get together for lunch
Share the bill

We are heading to X and DS would like it if your son was free to join us?
You pay

I’m taking the kids to X as bought family annual pass. I get benefit of reduced price tickets for guests with me - £15 as opposed to £50. Happy to take your son if you’d like to buy a guest pass for him?
They pay

It’s all in the wording.