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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask adult to move seat for toddler

530 replies

Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:05

Family bbq. Table prepped and my 2 year old DD sits next to my seat so I put her plastic plate there. After a short while, DD gets up to play for 10 mins. We're all called to table as food ready. DB sits by me in the seat previously chosen by DD. DD gets to the table and demands her seat back from DB and according to DB gives him an "evil glare". I know DD is about to throw a tantrum so I ask DB if she can have her seat back. DB argues it's not her seat and he's not getting up for a spoilt child. Eventually he gets up after a big row.

Later he tells me that my parenting is bad and I'm pandering to DDs tantrums. I try to explain that choosing my battles when DD is about to tantrum at an adult bbq is not pandering but keeping the peace. DB says I'm defensive about my parenting and should accept my errors as I've allowed my 2 year old to develop a "tantrumming personality".

I know this is so childish but I'm upset at the criticism. Not sure if this is relevant but DB has no children and my child is his only experience of toddlers.

So question is, WIBU to ask DB to move out of the seat DD had chosen earlier? Or should I have moved DDs plate to another seat and just accepted the ensuing tantrum?

OP posts:
Littlebird88 · 01/07/2019 23:09

just my opinion you were pandering to avoid a tantrum.
children have to learn. However maybe he should have moved to another seat with a jolly " oh my was i sitting on your chair"
I personally wpuld have sat my 2 year old on a picnic rug or my lap

AcrobaticCardigan · 01/07/2019 23:11

He should have known better than to nick a 2-year-olds seat next to her mummy! Of course she needs to sit next to you during a meal at that age. He is being ridiculous!

Whathappenedtooursummer · 01/07/2019 23:12

Your dd had chosen and been granted her seat. Db was an arse to discount her feelings imo.
Red flag he may see fit to carry on regardless of her age.

Is he an annoying uncle who tickles her also?

Millie2008 · 01/07/2019 23:12

Personally (and I say this as the mum of a 19 month old), I 100% do not think you were being unreasonable AT ALL. I think your DB was being pretty childish tbh. Of course your 2yo wants to sit next to her mum, and presumably it was absolutely no skin off your DB’s nose to move to another seat?! I think he was being really rude criticising your parenting style. I would also feel really hurt by this. You were bound to be defensive! Especially as it was coming from someone who has no experience of raising a toddler. Grrrrr! Sorry you had to go through this OP

mabelmylove · 01/07/2019 23:12

If she hadn’t sat next to you then wouldn’t that mean someone else would have had to deal with the ensuing tantrum? DB was unreasonable.

blackteasplease · 01/07/2019 23:12

God your db sounds like a twat.

What a big man facing off with a toddler over a seat!

IhateBoswell · 01/07/2019 23:13

Who wouldn't expect a 2 year old to sit next to their parent?!

Original poster
Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:14

Fair enough @Littlebird88 though DD is at a stage where she wants to be independent and won't sit on my lap at all

Thanks @AcrobaticCardigan. To try be as fair to DB as possible, the seat on the other side of me was free Blush

OP posts:
HarryHenderson · 01/07/2019 23:15

I'm with your DD on this one!

IhateBoswell · 01/07/2019 23:15

Ooh well no, I'd have made her sit on the opposite side if that was free.

Pipandmum · 01/07/2019 23:16

If it had been another adult with their plate there he wouldn’t have sat down. Of course a two year old should sit next to a parent. Did you tell him when he first sat down that she was sitting there? It’s one thing if she goes off to play after eating her meal, but it hadn’t even started.
And he had no right to criticise your parenting style.

Sunshine93 · 01/07/2019 23:16

Your db was rude. Almost all adults I know would have moved for a 2 year old who wants to sit next to her mum.

However I voted YABU because almost all adults I know would tell their dd that they got up and now it's not their seat anymore and find them another place at the table. You were pandering so I guess you were both being unreasonable.

Original poster
Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:16

Red flag he may see fit to carry on regardless of her age.
Is he an annoying uncle who tickles her also?

No but he does believe in smacking and has a couple of times suggested I'm soft on DD and that's why she manipulates us and that a smack (rather than 2 warnings and the naughty step) would be more effective. He doesn't babysit.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 01/07/2019 23:18

If a child of any age "demands" anything, pandering to it sets a precedent. I'm with your DB on this one. Just because he doesn't have kids, doesn't make his thoughts invalid. Just as having kids doesn't make parents automatically right.

Bambamber · 01/07/2019 23:19

I think if the seat the other side of you was free then your daughter could have just sat there

flossie86 · 01/07/2019 23:19

Sounds like DB had a little tantrum of his own over said seat Hmm this is a 2 year old of course he should have gave up the seat shes a little girl & it was after all...her seat first

saraclara · 01/07/2019 23:19

yeah...if there was space the other side, what was the big deal? She'd been away from the table for ten minutes. And 'demanding' her seat back isn't something to be taken lightly even at 2 years old.

"Sorry darling..you need to sit next to me this side now, because Uncle X has been sitting here while you played"

Isthebigwomanhere · 01/07/2019 23:20

I was with you until you mentioned the empty seat on the other side of you.
So I think yabu to no just move dds plate to that seat

Original poster
Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:21

@Justmuddlingalong interesting. I think part of the reason he was so annoyed was her tone on demanding the seat back. Perhaps that's something I'll work on...I do normally ask her to use her normal voice rather than whine if she's asking for special treatment (I.e. to watch TV, for a snack). But on this occasion I just saw it that she was asking for something that was already hers.... Though going forward I'll try teach her to ask nicely in all situations.

OP posts:
llangennith · 01/07/2019 23:21

I'm with you all the way. If it had been anyone else's seat he'd have said "ok". Your DB is a troublemaking twat.
What kind of adult wants to stop a 2yo sitting next to her mum?

Dillow · 01/07/2019 23:22

I was going to say he was BU but if the other side was free then you were BU!

She should have been told that she was sitting there now.

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 01/07/2019 23:22

Given the seat the other side was free, you made an issue where there wasn't one to avoid a tantrum, that's not a path you want to take. A quick'don't worry DD come sit here, this one is free'' wouldn't been fine, she'd wandered off to play

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 01/07/2019 23:23

She could have sat on the other side then. It sounds like a big fuss over nothing.

Ohyesiam · 01/07/2019 23:24

DB has no children
And should hold his tongue till he knows what he’s on about.

  1. He sat in her place
  2. Adults need to be flexible
  3. Children’s worlds are very small, and a small thing can seem massive to them
Original poster
Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:24

"Sorry darling..you need to sit next to me this side now, because Uncle X has been sitting here while you played"

DB only came to the table at the same time as DD came back to her seat (when everyone got called to the table)... so had only been sitting in the seat 30 seconds max.

OP posts: