To ask adult to move seat for toddler

[Topsecretidentity]

Family bbq. Table prepped and my 2 year old DD sits next to my seat so I put her plastic plate there. After a short while, DD gets up to play for 10 mins. We're all called to table as food ready. DB sits by me in the seat previously chosen by DD. DD gets to the table and demands her seat back from DB and according to DB gives him an "evil glare". I know DD is about to throw a tantrum so I ask DB if she can have her seat back. DB argues it's not her seat and he's not getting up for a spoilt child. Eventually he gets up after a big row.

Later he tells me that my parenting is bad and I'm pandering to DDs tantrums. I try to explain that choosing my battles when DD is about to tantrum at an adult bbq is not pandering but keeping the peace. DB says I'm defensive about my parenting and should accept my errors as I've allowed my 2 year old to develop a "tantrumming personality".

I know this is so childish but I'm upset at the criticism. Not sure if this is relevant but DB has no children and my child is his only experience of toddlers.

So question is, WIBU to ask DB to move out of the seat DD had chosen earlier? Or should I have moved DDs plate to another seat and just accepted the ensuing tantrum?

Because for me, sitting next to mum for a 2year old - perfectly reasonable. Insisting on the chair to the right of mum when there’s a free chair on the left of mum - unreasonable.

So uncle insisting on place with child's plate to the left of sister is unreasonable, right? If place to the right of sister was available.

He could have had a number of seats, but took the one with the child's plate. Arse

Or was that "his spot"?

@CassianAndor yep I stressed that. He said she’s 2 & had her place & plate all set up & knew where she thought she was supposed to be sitting. She comes back nicely to the table as asked & her place is gone. Surely an adult would just say oh sorry I didn’t realise....& move?

Yes at that age expectations and structure is everything for a child.

Not “my word against your word”. It’s not about proving who is in charge.

They’re really too young for that. It’s just expectations, routine and structure. If the plate was there and the child hadn’t expected to be there, then it’s fine for the adult to be accommodating.

Kicking a fuss in public won’t serve anyone’. Tantrums are natural at that age and avoiding it is wise imo... not pandering.

@AverageMummy - theres nothing simple about parenting! 🤷‍♀️😂